Cardine's Blog

Cardine's List of 100 Foods

2012-01-29T22:52:00.004-07:00

I saw a list going around that was about 100 foods you should try before you die or something of that nature. I consider myself to be relatively well-versed in the food arena, so I checked it out. Well, there were a lot of beverages that I'm never going to try, since I don't drink alcohol or coffee, so instead I decided to create my own list, specialized to me. (Since this is my blog, I figure it can totally be all about me.) It contains some foods from the list I saw, but mostly they are foods that I either want to try or have tried and for some reason or another think YOU should try it, too. I now give you Cardine's List of 100 Foods to try before you die.

1. A veggie burger with bacon or just a BLT (Come to think of it, I could probably do a list of 100 ways to eat a hamburger.)
2. Baked Alaska
3. Escargot
4. Lobster, especially the tail
5. Crab legs, dipped in drawn butter
6. Raw fish
7. Sushi hand roll
8. Yakiniku
9. Kimchi
10. Dumplings - as many kinds as you can, such as gyoza, buuz, pelmeni, chicken and dumplings, wontons, empanadas (because they are all awesome)
11. A corn dog. Seriously.
12. Ironport
13. Lychee fruit
14. Fried pickles
15. Hush puppies
16. Polenta
17. Spaghetti with meatballs
18. Eggs Benedict
19. Lox and bagels
20. Lamb coconut korma with naan
21. Thai curry (You should try as many different kinds of these as you can because they are delicious.)
22. Funnel cake (Just once, though. Not that great.)
23. Eclairs
24. Creme brulee
25. Chicken fried steak or chicken fried chicken
26. Mincemeat pie
27. Pumpkin pie
28. Figgy pudding/Christmas pudding
29. Stollen/fruitcake
30. Caviar
31. Oysters on the half shell
32. Pickled pigs feet
33. Homemade ice cream
34. Gelato
35. Jell-O
36. Real Belgian Truffles
37. Bougatsa or tyropita
38. Baklava
39. Borscht
40. Cheese fondue
41. Guinea pig
42. Fresh Mexican churros (seriously, fresh from the cart or shack, fresh from the fryer - it makes a difference)
43. Ceviche (mystery fish is the best)
44. Eel
45. Frog legs
46. Gumbo
47. Goat cheese
48. Cactus fruit
49. Spaetzle
50. Peking duck
51. Grits or Ugali
52. Calamari
53. Gyros
54. Mussels
55. Okra (even though it's yucky)
56. Po-boys
57. Shrimp cocktail
58. Souvlaki
59. Trifle
60. Falafal
61. Couscous
62. Hummus
63. Schnitzel
64. Chile relleno
65. Shawarma
66. Barbecued ribs
67. Belgian Waffles
68. Frites with Andalouse sauce
69. Swedish pancakes/crepes
70. Clam chowder
71. Dulce de leche
72. Catfish
73. Fried green tomatoes
74. Platanos
75. Gazpacho
76. Pig that has been roasted in the ground
77. Squash soup
78. Kabobs
79. Menudo
80. Posole
81. Pumpkin seeds
82. Squid on a stick
83. Rueben sandwich
84. Corned beef and cabbage
85. Cheesecake
86. A traditional pasty
87. Fish 'n' chips
88. Scones, a.k.a. Navajo fry bread
89. Yorkshire pudding
90. Crawfish
91. Flan
92. A hobo dinner
92. Dutch oven potatoes (with onions and bacon, and I'm talking about cast iron dutch oven cooked in the ground or with charcoal on top)
93. Buffalo wings
94. Meatloaf
95. Bratwurst
96. Alligator or crocodile
97. Guaraná/Jarritos/Inca Kola
98. Alpaca
99. Tamales
100. Cow tongue

I know I missed some stuff. Ah well. Tell me what you think I'm missing!

The 2011 Movie Post

2012-01-01T17:13:00.011-07:00

Happy New Year! It’s time for your favorite post of the year! I guess that’s too bad, since you’ll have nothing to look forward to for the rest of the year.

Previous movie posts: 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, and 2005.

I saw 22 movies this year. I hope you enjoy my movie list!

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – Sweet relief. The Harry Potter series is over, and I loved it. I am glad that I was able to conclude this series in 2D because it is so much more enjoyable for me to see a 2D movie than a 3D movie. I enjoyed the characters, the action, and I especially appreciated how well Snape’s memories played out on screen. They ended this series well, and I think the entire saga was completed very well and individually in each movie. I can watch the whole series over and over, which is great and unfortunate since eight movies take SO LONG to watch.

2. The Help – I was finally able to watch this movie without distraction, and I really enjoyed it. I especially liked the Minny and Celia storyline of this movie. I thought all the actors did a great job. I also liked that I was able to talk to my parents about the movie since they saw it, as well. And then my dad shared a story about being in Meridian during that time period and giving a guy a ride home. When he dropped off the man, a cop stopped my dad to tell him that they didn’t do things like that in Meridian. So, basically, I liked that the movie addressed real issues in our not-too-distant past in some areas of the country and did it in an entertaining way.

3. Hugo – I would have liked this movie better had I been able to see it in 2D. I kept getting distracted and annoyed by aspects of the 3D. However, I loved the storyline, and I appreciate how true to the book they produced this movie. The actors played well, and I liked the scenery and sets. I also enjoyed the mini movies within this movie. I think I could watch this movie over and over again.

4. Jane Eyre – This is probably my favorite Jane Eyre thus produced. I liked the script adaptation, and I liked the actors. After seeing this version, I ended up watching pretty much every other version. That being said, I don’t think it’s necessary to keep producing the same movie over and over again. BUT, I am glad that the only one ever made was not the Timothy Dalton version. Man. Wow. That one was rough to watch at some points.

4 and a half. 17 Miracles - I write this post using internet sites with all the movie release dates of the year. The problem is that 17 Miracles wasn't on it, probably because it never made it to wide release, and I finished this post without including this movie. This is where it probably would have gone for me. I unfortunately forgot tissues and cried during a good portion of the movie. Clearly it's a niche movie, but for me, it was great.

5. Source Code – For some reason I didn’t even really know about this movie at all when it came out. I watched it on DVD and really enjoyed it. It reminded me of a mix between Groundhog Day and Inception or Gattaca or something. And it was like a chick flick for guys, hereafter referred to as a “dude flick,” which means that the movie is a love story about a guy who loves a girl, only guys wouldn’t consider it a chick flick because there’s action and other stuff "for guys." Anyway, the point being is that it was good, and you should see it. Why haven’t you seen it?

6. Kung Fu Panda 2 – I really hate that I am enjoying animated sequels so much. I am so used to sequels automatically being garbage that it’s strange for me to really enjoy sequels as much as I do. I blame Disney’s rapid-production, straight-to-DVD history for my opinions. Anyway, this movie was so humorous to me, and I really enjoyed the storyline and jokes.

7. Cars 2 – I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed this movie so much if I hadn’t been watching the James Bond series. There were a lot of implied jokes in the movie that came directly from James Bond movies, and they made me giggle, especially the fact that one of the spy’s names was Holly Shiftwell. That still amuses me to no end.

8. X-Men: First Class – This movie was almost back up to par of the enjoyability of the first two X-Men movies. The storyline was good and compelling. I liked that Kevin Bacon was an antagonist of the movie, and I thought that the character development was remarkably good for having so many characters. This movie was entertaining.

9. Midnight in Paris – I liked the music in this movie a lot. I feel like it was another “dude flick,” and I enjoyed the historical and cultural references in the movie. The message of the movie was good, too, and I really liked seeing the various perspectives shown. I also liked that having been to Paris, I was able to recognize various places shown in the movie.

10. Super 8 – For me this movie really did feel like a throwback to the 80s teen sci-fi flicks. It reminded me of E.T., Stand By Me, Red Dawn, and even The Lost Boys. It was a bit cheesy, but so were those films. It made me laugh, and it was a great nostalgia movie. I liked that it captured a bit of my childhood movie-viewing experiences.

I also enjoyed the following movies:
Winnie the Pooh – Remember how I don’t love the The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh? Well, this movie was actually pretty good. I liked that the antagonist wasn’t really an antagonist. This is one of the truest and best children’s movies that I’ve ever seen.
Captain America – The First Avenger – You know, the premise of this movie is really kind of dumb, but I thought that the movie was well made and entertaining! I am impressed that the movie makers were able to pull it off as well as they did.
Thor – I saw this in a theater that was playing it in about 5 theaters, and we just happened to find the perfect showing in 2D! Score! I enjoyed this movie. It was pretty fun, even though it probably won’t ever be considered “quality".
The Adjustment Bureau – Another dude flick. I walked into the theater knowing that it was really a chick flick, but there was a whole row of guys I knew there without their wives or girlfriends. I’m glad that our society has progressed far enough that guys can go see a movie about love without feeling the need to be heckled about it and actually truly enjoy it. Even if they don’t realize it. I liked the movie.
Mars Needs Moms – I thought this was a cute movie. The animation slightly bothered me for some reason, but the story was endearing. I can see why some people might not like it (it’s kind of weird), but I thought it was cute and nice.
Rango – I am surprised this movie got as good of reviews that it did. Not that it was bad, but I think it was a quirky movie with a storyline that wasn’t really anything special. I guess there are more quirky people in the world than I thought.
Rio – This movie provides enough laughs for you if you’re in a laughing mood.
Limitless – This movie was a little trippy like how “Memento” is a little bit trippy. I would have liked it better, but I felt like I needed to shower after watching it, as the protagonist was despicable. Still, though, it was intriguing.

These movies were alright:
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – Okay. Uh huh. It was alright. Still like the first movie best.
Green Lantern – It was. It just was.

I didn’t like the following movie:
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 – I hate to say it, but I’m not even looking forward to Part 2 because Part 1 was just so boring and kind of insufferable. And gross.

Movies I wanted to see from 2010 and saw, as well as the ones you suggested in last year’s comments:
Unstoppable – Actually pretty good. I like movies that are based on a true story that are pretty good.
The Social Network – Interesting. I kind of like that I watched a movie based on really recent history, like within the last decade.
MegaMind – This movie made me laugh a lot. I really enjoyed it.
The King's Speech – The acting was superb. I enjoyed this movie.
True Grit – Yeah. I really liked this movie. It would have made the top 10 last year, had I seen it in the year.
Tron: Legacy – This movie was pretty entertaining and good. And I enjoyed the music and the special effects.
Ramona and Beezus – I thought it was fun. I can recommend it if you’re interested in that kind of movie.
Secretariat – I probably wouldn’t see this movie repetitively, but I enjoyed the movie. It was good.

Movies I didn’t necessarily want to see from 2010 but saw anyway:

The Tourist – I felt like this movie was attempting to be a Hitchcock film and that Angelina Jolie was attempting to be Audrey Hepburn, but neither happened successfully. The movie was okay, though.
127 Hours – I actually did want to see this, but it just wasn’t on last year’s list. I liked it, even though I totally couldn’t watch the bloody part of the movie.

Movies I still want to see from 2011:

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules – I hear they’re doing yet another one, so I’m actually pretty skeptical about this one.
Moneyball
Footloose – Maybe. I mean, could it really be better than the 80s one?
Like Crazy
Tower Heist – Maybe.
Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Cowboys & Aliens
The Tree of Life - Maybe.

Is there something you saw that I should totally see? Thanks for reading. Don't forget to opine in the comments.

Some Favorite Christmas Stuff

2011-12-11T15:54:00.004-07:00

1. I think poinsettias, fake or real, are really pretty. This year my tree has a bunch of fake poinsettias as ornaments. I have some more for my stairway banister, but I haven't put them up yet. I'm looking forward to it. I'm also looking for some stockings to hang with the poinsettias, but I haven't found any that I love yet. I might have to make some.

2. I love Christmas bells. I love playing the bells and the chimes, and I like how pretty bells look. I really wanted to find some cute (not cheap-looking) bells to put on my tree, but I couldn't find any I loved. But, I did find a bell, similar to the one that my mom and dad have that I put on my tree. It makes me happy to be able to ring the bell when I walk by the tree.

3. I am really into Christmas music this year. A few of my favorite Christmas songs are O Holy Night, Stars Were Gleaming, O Come All Ye Faithful (Adeste Fideles), and Baby, It's Cold Outside. The links are to videos, but they are songs I like. If you get the giggles to videos as often as I do, you may need to not watch the videos but listen instead. Do you have favorite Christmas songs?

4. Christmas treats are so, so tasty. There's something about Christmas that just makes me fat thinking about it. I love sugar cookies, gingerbread cookies, those peanut butter cookies with Hershey's kisses in them, almond rocha, peanut brittle, homemade caramels (which are the only kind of caramels I really like), those Lindt truffles, fruit pies, and oranges. They're so tasty. So, so tasty.

5. Christmas lights are beautiful. I've noticed that Christmas lights participation has waned a lot in the past few years in my community, but I really appreciate people who put up lights. I hope that you put up some lights somewhere, even if you're like me and you actually just decorate the inside of your house with lights so the blinds have to be open for anyone to see the lights. But seriously. Christmas lights are beautiful.

6. Snow. I love snow. It is one of the most beautiful things that nature provides. Sure, it's pretty cold and can sometimes be treacherous or deadly, but I love to look at the beautiful drifts of snow, the icicles as they hang from rooftops, and the way that they can transform even a chain-link fence into a breathtaking marvel. Snow is beautiful.

7. There is a somber and peaceful feeling about Christmas. This feeling might come from over-consumption of all the Christmas treats that causes me to feel like hibernating until the spring, but I really think part of it comes from people's hearts and minds changing and contemplating different aspects of their lives this year. Sometimes this time of year causes serious introspection, some sad and some good. Sometimes it causes people to look beyond themselves to others and seek to help those they don't know or those they do know very well. Either way, I feel like a lot of people are their better selves around this time of year. I've been a little cranky this year, but I have appreciated the infusion of good feelings this year, as well. I've noticed other people giving of themselves to help others, and that's inspiring. I also appreciate that people are so busy during this time of year doing Christmas activities that they have less time to worry about other people's faults and things that aren't important. I think busyness goes a long way to helping people find peace because I think that we as a people create our own distress most of the time.

So, I hope that during this time of year, however you celebrate, you can look around yourself at the little things that are beautiful, peaceful, and happy. I hope that you can find a way to give to the world in some small way by just doing something good for someone else. I hope that you can look at your own life and see the beauty that is already there.

Nearing the End of the Year

2011-11-27T22:42:00.004-07:00

This week it's going to be December. I can hardly believe it. When the week of Thanksgiving began, I kept thinking that it just couldn't be Thanksgiving already! Where did the year go? What have I accomplished this year? Did I accomplish any of my goals?

I mean, since my last goal list post, I have been working on some of those goals, but the only one I truly accomplished was going to Lagoon. Nevertheless, I have accomplished a lot, thinking back on it. The reality is that I have all sorts of unwritten goals in my head. I only made one New Year's resolution, and I rocked that one this year. It was accomplished mostly in early January, if not completely and maintained throughout the year.

Another goal I'm happy to have achieved was to purchase a painting for my living room. I finally tracked down the name and painter of the painting I really wanted and once and for all wrote that one off, as I called the entity who owns the rights to the painting and was informed that it will not be sold. So, I was able to, in good conscience, buy my second choice painting, which I think goes great in my room. It matches the couches. Now, if only I could find the additional throw pillows I want for the room...

And in all the other areas, they are a work in progress, but the point is that there has been progress, and that's important. I also accomplished all of the goals for myself that I didn't write down that I felt were most important. My object is to simplify my life and to figure out just a few things that I feel are really worthwhile and to work on those. There are only 365 days in a year. Approximately 1/4 to 1/3 of that is spent sleeping. Another good portion is spent working. Time is short. Do what you want, but make sure it's what you really want!

So, what do you really want?

Ranking Superhero Movies

2011-11-13T21:01:00.004-07:00

Since I'm all about ranking movies on here, I decided that I would make a list of my favorite superhero movies. I haven't seen EVERY superhero movie, and I'm not going to watch all of them unless somebody pays me to do so. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? No one? Okay, then. I'm going to just rank them from what I've seen. So, enjoy my list of superhero movies! And don't forget to comment if you agree or disagree.

Cardine's Top 11 Favorite Superhero Movies
("These go to eleven." - Nigel Tufnel)

11. Captain America: The First Avenger - I had to put this one last on this list because it's the one that I saw most recently. And I enjoyed it. And it sort of represents all of the ones that I've recently seen and liked, such as X-Men: First Class (which I actually probably enjoyed more than Captain America, but I just didn't want X-Men to take over my list here) and Thor. So, I guess #11 is representative of good movies that haven't yet withstood the test of time.

10. Batman Forever - I can practically hear the general outcry of superhero nerds everywhere who didn't like this movie, but I'm sorry. No, I take that back. I'm NOT sorry. I liked it, and I'll probably always like it. This movie totally doesn't take itself as seriously as the newer Batman segments, and I think that's okay. It's really corny sometimes, but THAT'S OKAY! Okay? Anyway, I even just watched this again this year and still enjoyed it, in spite of its campiness. "Holy rusted metal, Batman" still makes me laugh. So there. Also, did anyone watch the Batman TV show? POW! BAM! Barbara Gordon? I can try to justify my reasoning for liking this longer, but I'll just let it go at that. It's awesome.

9. Iron Man - So, yeah. I liked this movie. It was a teeny bit cheesy, and the main character is such a scoundrel, but it was still enjoyable. I think I was really surprised that I liked it as much as I did, considering it had Robert Downy, Jr in it as a complete scoundrel, but I found the whole desert part and the general story to be pretty entertaining.

8. Unbreakable - I really liked Unbreakable. I liked the originality of it and that I didn't really, really know that it was a superhero movie until I got to the end. I had my suspicions throughout the movie, but then the reveal was pretty brilliant. Also, I liked Bruce Willis as the superhero because, let's face it, John McCain is kind of a superhero, anyway, and I love Die Hard.

7. The Rocketeer - The Rocka-who? There are probably a lot of people who have never seen this movie. It's a shame. A real shame. I think this movie is so fun. I like that it's set in an older time period, and I like that there is a giant scary henchman in it. I like what they did with the antagonists. I like almost everything about this movie, except for the clown. This movie is way too underrated.

6. Spider-Man - I could probably watch this movie a hundred times and still watch it some more. The story is great, the special effects are great, the antagonist is scary, and it was a wonderful breakthrough in the field of superhero movies. I think it's a great movie. And really, Willem Dafoe? He was made for that part.

5. X-Men - Again, this movie was a breakthrough. They did an awesome job in casting the movie, and save a few exceptionally corny lines (ahem, Storm) and some mediocre costuming (ahem, Sabertooth), it was a great movie. I think the theme of the story can be thought-provoking but yet it didn't reach a preachy point (they saved that for The Last Stand). It was a good enough movie to open the door to a potentially really long franchise.

4. The Incredibles - I confess that I initially had my problems with this movie due to the animation being a little too... claymationy-looking. The proportions of the characters kind of ... well, it bugged me a little, but I got over it soon enough and can watch this over and over. It was a great original story with funny characters. I really hope they can make the next one as well as they did this one.

3. Batman Begins - Hmm... Christian Bale, martial arts, Cillian Murphy, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman as Gordon, a Batman movie: yep, I'll probably like it. I was apprehensive about this movie because I knew it was going to be basically a back story to who Batman was. Sometimes back stories aren't as interesting because the story spends too much time doing character development. I think character development is good and fine if you don't know the character, but when you already know who the character is and the basic back story, it can be risky to keep the audience's interest. Well, they did a great job, and I really liked this movie. It kept my attention, and was a great action movie.

2. Spider-Man 2 - Oh, it was a really hard decision between these two for the #1 spot. I love Spider-Man 2. I like the story, the characters, the special effects, the music. I really like the whole thing. I like that people find out who Spider-Man is. I like that they showed Spider-Man's continued vulnerability. It's just a quality superhero movie and fun to watch.

1. X2: X-Men United - I like this movie because of the way the characters work with each other. I love that there aren't the corny lines that there were in the first one. I can watch this movie over and over, and I think that the people who actually wrote the story and the screenplay were brilliant. I also think the action and a lot of the scenery is really cool and picturesque. That's why it wins on my list.

So, what is your favorite superhero movie?

The Woes of Shopping

2011-10-29T10:35:00.006-06:00

I don't really like clothes shopping. It's like I feel like I should be able to walk into just about any store and find something that I like. Unfortunately, my body has too many variables to really make shopping an easy thing: my limbs, my shape, I hate anything at my true waist (it looks terrible), I like to be modest, I believe in comfortable shoes, I don't like any kind of brand visible on my clothing.

You can see how clothes shopping could be a difficult thing for me. I know I'm not the only girl out there who doesn't like or has a hard time shopping, so it's hard to really complain. We are all built so differently, and I'm sure it's really difficult to make clothes to fit all of the body types out there. And it's especially hard since you can't really tell who will like what styles.

Another inherent problem with this situation is that I tend to wear the same clothes all the time. For a long time. If the shirt or pants are still intact and don't have stains, I'll probably still wear them. This mentality is rough when your sisters tease you about a certain shirt monstrosity that you've been wearing for years. I have a skirt that I've been wearing for about ten years now. It's an awesome skirt because it doesn't need to be ironed. I can throw it in a bag, and it will come out looking just fine. I used to wear it with the shirt monstrosity.

Then that creates a problem for when I walk in my closet, look around and hate everything in it. If almost all of my clothes items are old, it's just depressing. Periodically, we all need something new, even if it's just one item.

Because of this problem, I have decided to trick myself. I've done it a few times without really planning it, but I think I'll start planning it. When I have to go shopping, I try to find at least one thing that I like. I usually buy more than one shirt at a time, so it has worked well with shirts. After shopping, I wear the new shirt. I feel like a new, cool person when I have the new shirt on, like my wardrobe is not nearly as pathetic as it really is. And then I wait. I don't pull out the other new shirt until I walk in my closet one day, look around and think to myself, "Ugh, I don't want to wear any of these same old shirts again today. I wish I had something new." And then, viola! I have a new shirt still in the bag! (I keep it in the bag so I can't visibly see it and count it as mine during the routine of picking out something to wear.) And then that helps my mood. I feel new and cool again, only I've used one shopping trip and made two awesome periods of time out of it, instead of expending it all at once!

So, that's what I do to curtail the woes of shopping. Do you think I'm crazy? Or do you do something similar?

Okay, so I was going to be done with this post, but I decided that I want to mention that my dislike of shopping has affected my dating life. It's amazing how guys can be really judgmental about whether a girl does or doesn't like to shop. If the guy likes to shop more than I do, I think to myself, "Yes! He is awesome! Maybe he will go shopping for me and buy me clothes that will magically fit!" But of course, that is not realistic. This is probably more what the guy is thinking, "Wow, this girl has no taste in clothes and wears the same thing all of the time. This will never work if I like shopping more than she does." It probably makes the guy feel more like a girl (or causes him to think I'm really a man) because for some reason we have adopted stereotypes as a society with regard to gender and shopping. And stores tend to reflect that stereotype because, well, have you seen the clothes section for men? There is very little variety there. The styles don't change as much as they do for women, and really, you've got a choice between collared button ups, polos, and tees. Sad. End rant.

Why I Could Never Go on A "Diet"

2011-10-11T22:59:00.005-06:00

The other day I had a routine physical. It contained a urinalysis. The reason I shared that information is that I think mentioning a urinalysis is funny due to the movie "Fletch." Anyway, in preparation for this physical, I was supposed to fast for 8 - 12 hours beforehand and also abstain from eating sugary and fatty foods for an entire day prior to the tests. Now, I don't typically eat tons of sugary or fatty foods, but the second I told myself that I was not allowed to eat them, I craved them. For example, here is something that I would normally crave for dinner:

And suddenly, this is what I craved:

I don't even really like hot dogs! And aren't they mostly fat?

I also craved this:

I really don't crave ice cream very often, but I tell you what, the restriction of sweet stuff really caused me some serious cravings.

So hurry! Tell me that I'm not allowed to eat vegetables and grains!

Please Vote

2011-09-28T23:23:00.004-06:00

I am looking to fill a three-part frame with some photos I've taken of trips, and I would like your opinion on which ones I should put in the frame. Keep in mind that I'm no professional, but please do your best to help me. Thanks!

Street in Israel

Hot Air Balloon

Peterhof Palace

Catherine Palace

Machu Picchu

Giza

Many thanks!

I Know What I Did Last Summer

2011-09-20T23:14:00.007-06:00

I tried to get a bunch of hiking in this summer. I wanted to get as much exercise in as I could while seeing the beauty around me. Here are some of the places I went:

I traveled up a slot canyon until I got to:

...waterfalls. I climbed up the waterfalls and went from there to some more.

I took the photography class and went to see a canyon:

My camera didn't like the angle of the sun, so it was hard to get a good shot in the direction of the sun:

So then I hiked up another creek in a canyon to see some amazing sites:

Simply amazing when you think about how that was formed. And we hiked up a branch of the creek to a waterfall:

...because really, it's all about the waterfalls.

I also went to a land of canyons with an island in the sky. It has some amazing sites of canyons. It really is humongous.

And then I went next door to see some cowboy pants. That's what I see, anyway. How about you? What do you see?

In reality, I thought this hike was really pretty hard. Sure, I was in the midst of an allergic reaction (to Neosporin!), but that is no excuse for how poorly I felt as I was hiking this trail. All that hiking this summer, and it really didn't help much at all when it came to high grade hiking.

I went on more hikes than this, but I unfortunately didn't have my camera with me for those adventures. I did have my ipod on one of them, though, so I snagged this photo:

It's amazing how great the ipod camera isn't compared to an actual camera. Still, though, I'm glad I was able to snap a photo, even if it isn't the greatest quality. I decided that November would be the best time to do the above hike, but I really enjoyed the caving aspects of this hike.

So, that's what I did this summer. I want to continue to see the sites and take some hikes. How about you? Did you see any sites, go on any hikes, or discover any new allergies?

Water Photos

2011-08-09T22:11:00.005-06:00

Last week at my photography class we talked about taking photos with action and how to catch it so it's still or how to make the action in the photos blurry. My camera isn't great at this particular option, so my photos aren't the greatest in the world, but here are some photos I took for this assignment. I took all water photos.

These are the photos I took that have some clear parts in them. I found that it was hard to have the entire photo clear, even though I was attempting to make it clear. I didn't edit or crop any of them. They are in the raw form.

This one was taken at the university at the end of our class last week.

The rest of the photos I took on a hike up a creek in a nearby canyon. I like that you can see little drips in this one.

This one is so cool how the water is bubbling.

The next three are blurry. It was much easier to take the blurry shots, especially because the sun doesn't shine too much in the slot canyon.

The white blurry sparklies are cool in this one.

I climbed up this waterfall, but we didn't go much farther because we were on a schedule. I didn't really enjoy the white spots in this photo. I didn't notice them until after I had chosen this one. Whoops. Oh well, it's still cool.

I hope you liked the photos!

Some Photos for You

2011-08-02T22:57:00.005-06:00

I am dumb when it comes to taking photos. There are a lot of things that I've never even really thought about before that apparently matter when you take a photo. Well, I think it's kind of sad that I go on adventures to far off lands and just take whatever photos happen when I click the button. So, that bothers me a little. I mean, I still have my nice little point and shoot camera, but I want to know the art of photography because there are options on my camera and boxes and all kinds of things, and I don't know what they do.

So, I decided to take a class. I found out about a little workshop-type class that is only once a week for three weeks for a very reasonable price, and I decided to take it. We had our first class last week and got assignments to take some photos using different depths of field (it deals with how much is in focus in the photo), which is a photography term I kind of learned. We were supposed to take three photos with a smaller depth of field and three photos with a larger depth of field. I'm not sure I did it correctly, but here are the photos I took. If you know anything about photography, tell me how I did, please. Keep in mind, my camera is a Sony Cybershot, and it's not one of those multi-lens cameras where you have aperture and all kinds of awesome options.

The three with smaller depths of field:

I took this one during class last week. The teacher said I could use it if I wanted for the assignment. He told me I needed to get a better camera (he kept saying things like "This is a crappy camera!" or "You should buy a new camera, even a used one." or "How does this not have a manual mode? How much did you pay for this?"), but I think "whatever, dude" since I'm paying for the class, and it's only three weeks, anyway. I'm not trying to be a professional or anything. Just trying to learn something.

I made these cupcakes. Dub, you may be interested to know that these were the ones I told you about on Sunday that I took to my church activity. I saved these to eat myself.

This is at the war memorial. I had to take it at a weird angle to get this shot, and it was hard because my camera and hand kept creating a shadow on the flower. Eventually it worked okay.

These next three are for larger depths of field. Did I do them correctly? There's no real blur, right? It's mostly in focus?

The sun was starting to set, and I had a hard time trying to figure out how to get the lighting correct. I also cheated and cropped this one. Don't tell. Actually, is that even cheating? I mean, digital cameras are kind of a cheat, anyway, in my opinion.

Can you tell where I was standing when I took this?

I really liked the handicap sign in this one. Not sure why. Maybe because I associate both the church and the handicap sign with old people. Save the clock tower!

Anyway, hope you enjoyed my photography assignment!

Rating Disney

2011-07-29T00:32:00.002-06:00

A while ago there was a segment on Rotten Tomatoes that rated all of the 50 theatrical animated movie releases by Disney, and Cash challenged me to put the movies in a better order, since we felt that some of them were totally wrong. After looking at all the movies, I realized that I hadn't actually seen all of them, so I had to request some of them from Netflix to see for the first time and rewatch others. I actually did end up buying one of them (on VHS) via Amazon since Netflix didn't have it. Since Rotten Tomatoes did the list before "Mars Needs Moms" came out, I didn't include that one. Also, it's not quite on Netflix yet, so that's my excuse. Basically, I just went with their list and put it in a better order.

It took me a while because let's face it: some of them are kind of painful to watch these days. Go ahead. Disagree with me on these. Tell me what's in your top 10. Tell me where I'm wrong and what I should switch. I hope you enjoy my version of Disney Animated Movies Ranked!

50. Fun & Fancy Free (1947) - This is a horrible, horrible film. At first you think it might be okay because Jiminy Cricket opens for the film singing, but really, he's just creeping around in some little girl's room as an ill-fitting transition to an awful sequence about a bear named "Bongo" (snicker) who falls in love at first site with a girl bear. There are all kinds of stereotypes employed in this segment, and after it was over I mostly wanted to vomit from the cheese. It only got worse from there because I remembered seeing "Mickey and the Beanstalk" as a child. I liked it then. Well, in this version, its introduction is by the little girl and ventriloquist dummies. Yep, you read that right. I actually had to leave the room so that I wouldn't go mad. It was terrible, just terrible. The actual animation for "Mickey and the Beanstalk" is alright, but then this really, really annoying dummy named Charlie (it's the kind of dummy your nightmares are made of) periodically interrupts the story to make some sort of brainless comment. I guess you can't expect much from a dummy or from someone who actually practices ventriloquism, for that matter.

Sorry that was so long. I am really passionate about how bad it is. Also, I got this movie for really cheap, so now I own it. If you would ever like to borrow it to view its awfulness (not recommended), please just let me know (return not mandatory).

49. The Three Caballeros (1944) - I didn't really like this one much, either. Donald Duck is just embarrassing in this one. He checks out and goes after all the ladies and ends up kissing Jose. This is another one of the movies with various segments, but the segments weren't great, either. I can't tell you to not watch it, but it's really not that great.

48. Melody Time (1948) - Another segmented movie, only this one was slightly better than the previous two mentioned. Donald and Jose weren't nearly as embarrassing in this one, and some of the clips were actually okay but just okay.

47. Fantasia (1940) - I understand that this is supposed to be a masterpiece, but it really isn't one. The format was fine, but I felt like the animation fell short with what the music actually conveys. I wasn't really in love with any of the animation, except for "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." That is the only brilliant animated portion of this movie. The music is wonderful, though.

46. Make Mine Music (1946) - In this segmented film, I actually kind of enjoyed some of the segments. They were funny or clever, or interesting, so I could probably see it again sometime with my finger on the fast-forward for the segments I don't like as much.

45. The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949) - The Ichabod adventure in Sleepy Hollow is just fine, but I really don't care for the adventures of Mr. Toad. I understand that this could be an effect of my creepy guy experience at the Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at Disneyland that one time, or it could be that I don't really care for Mr. Toad as a protagonist.

44. Home on the Range (2004) - The story was just okay, and I didn't like the music very much. The yodeling kind of irritated me after a while. Kids probably think it's okay, though. Actually, probably not. I remember as a child hating a lot of stuff that was supposed to be for kids, like Ronald McDonald and the Neighborhood of Make Believe on Mr Rogers' Neighborhood.

43. Treasure Planet (2002) - It was a valiant effort to adapt "Treasure Island" to space, but some of the side characters were just bad. I even watched the extras where they talked about how clever they were with the creation of some of the characters, but I disagreed with them and think they could have done a better job. It's still an enjoyable flick, though. The main character is cool, and if you haven't seen it and it sounds interesting, go for it.

42. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977) - I don't love any of the Winnie the Pooh characters. I see that the new movie is getting good ratings, and I hope it is better than the 70s version because that one puts me to sleep. There are funny parts, though.

41. Saludos Amigos (1943) - I kind of liked this one because it was more like a documentary than the other segmented movies. None of the segments were bad (maybe a little on the unmemorable side), and some of them were really good. Like the Pedro segment was cute.

40. Dinosaur (2000) - The production of this movie seemed more like a TV show, but it was still entertaining. The relationship storyline was nothing new, but it still maintained good (not great) quality throughout the movie. I wasn't embarrassed for it.

39. The Aristocats (1970) - This is a movie that has a good storyline with interesting characters. The pace isn't great, and it has a total drug trip song in it, but it's still good.

38. Dumbo (1941) - Dumbo is a good movie, and especially considering its release date, this movie deserves some serious props. My only real issue with it is the drunk hallucination Pink Elephants on Parade part, which causes the movie to feel twice as long as it actually is.

37. Lady and the Tramp (1955) - This movie and "The Aristocats" are very similar to me, except that in this movie, the music is less jazzy and more nice. It's not very popular, but it is nice. Also, the spaghetti scene is really famous and probably recognizable to most people born prior to the 1990s.

36. Pocahontas (1995) - This movie had the potential to be on anyone's top 10 list, but the non-human (or exceedingly large human) side-characters sucked. The music is awesome, the idea is good, the animation is wonderful, but it just didn't deliver like it should have. You can own the earth and still all you'll own is earth until you can paint with all the colors of the wind.

35. Bambi (1942) - Disney movies seem to employ the use of a go-to-sleep song in a lot of their movies. "Bambi" is no exception to it. I have fallen asleep so many times to the songs. But still, I like Bambi and all his childhood friends. It's cute. And tragic. But also okay.

34. Bolt (2008) - As far as children-loving-their-pets movies go, this is a good one. I don't love the genre, especially when I don't think the sidekick hamster is funny, but this movie has some potential to be higher on my list after multiple viewings. I probably can't watch it for a while, though, because I'm a little Disneyed out right now.

33. Brother Bear (2003) - I probably should have watched this one again before I wrote this, but I decided to just get this done. I liked this movie, and I thought there were some funny parts to it. I also thought the plot was kind of clever, and this bear is certainly much, much better than Bongo (snicker). Thank you for progressing, Disney.

32. Lilo & Stitch (2002) - This movie makes me laugh. The animation seems a little more rough than other Disney movies, and I don't love the Stitch character, but it is a funny movie.

31. Chicken Little (2005) - I also think this is a funny movie with great characters. Joan Cusack is the voice of Abby Mallard, who is totally my favorite character in this movie. It's cute, and save the slight annoyance about the Daddy issues, it's a fun movie.

30. Oliver & Company (1988) - This movie screams the 80s, but it's in a good way. It has Billy Joel and is adapted from "Oliver Twist." It's also one of those children-loving-their-pets movies, but it succeeds. Part of it could be the nostalgia factor, though, so beware.

29. Alice in Wonderland (1951) - Okay, so I think this story is kooky, but I enjoy the Disney movie version of it. And I think the clip story of The Walrus and the Carpenter is just zany. The whole movie is a trip, but it ended up barely on the right side of scary.

28. The Black Cauldron (1985) - This movie is under-appreciated in the Disney sphere. It has an interesting storyline, but I bet a lot of parents are scared away by its deserved PG rating. There really are some scary parts to it. I remember being tense as a child while we watched it.

27. The Sword in the Stone (1963) - The writers of this film had interesting minds. Unabashedly influenced by a lot of old lore and stories, the progression of the main character of the film is interesting and strange at the same time. But of course you want to cheer for Arthur when he finds the sword.

26. Tarzan (1999) - The story is certainly nothing new, but they really did a great job with the animation of this movie. I feel like Disney does a good job of reaching into different cultures or interests for their movies, and I think this one was only slightly a shout out to skateboarders but a good shout out. The music is okay, too. It just gets stuck in your head and starts to get annoying. Especially the modern scat. Also, I don't like that they switched the treehouse at Disneyland to Tarzan instead of Swiss Family Robinson. Now THAT is a choice movie not covered on this list. If you haven't seen Swiss Family Robinson, put it on your list immediately.

25. The Fox and the Hound (1981) - I like that this movie is about friendship. Movies where people fall in love are good and cute, but I really appreciate friendship movies, as well. This movie has a definite nap period when it's easy to fall asleep to it, so if you have a child who won't sleep... yeah, you get what I'm saying. Okay, and it's seriously so cute when little Copper tries to howl like a bigger dog.

24. The Rescuers Down Under (1990) - I think it really says something when you can release an animated sequel in the theaters and have it make a lot of money. Disney hasn't really done that much, but this movie did a great job. They maintained the quality of the first one and created a new love of Bernard and Bianca for kids of that generation. I remember when this came out almost everyone in my grade was talking about it. I didn't see it until much, much later.

23. Tangled (2010) - When I saw this in the theater, I didn't really like it as much as I did after the second viewing. It is a clever movie. I'm still not in love with the music of it, but they did a great job creating the characters. It's also visually a beautiful movie.

22. Atlantis - The Lost Empire (2001) - Again, I didn't really appreciate this movie the first time I saw it, but since I have seen it a few times, I've realized that the humor can stand up to multiple viewings. And the side-characters who I thought were annoying turned into endearing characters. I don't know how that happened, but it did. If you haven't seen it, just watch it once and see how it sits with you.

21. The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) - This is a really good movie. I liked the adaptation of the book - I've never read it - and the way they crafted the characters. The villain is villainous, the gargoyles are funny, the protagonist male is practically unbearable, the protagonist female is sometimes drama-queeny, and the hunchback is hunchbacky. It was good.

20. Peter Pan (1953) - This is a great story. It really is. It captures what the imagination of a child can be and has fun and daring adventures with it. Disney's adaptation of it is no different. They do a wonderful job of representing this great adventure and strange characters.

19. Pinocchio (1940) - You realize how long ago this was made? Now go watch it again. They did a great job. The story is a little silly when you think about it, but what really gets me is how my nieces were kind of obsessed with Pinocchio for a little while. Children can still enjoy this story. It's viable. And one of my friends made a comment about the art for the time period. Yes, it's good.

18. The Princess and the Frog (2009) - The antagonist is truly scary. I think that Walt Disney would approve. I think this movie was culturally different for a lot of people (which is hard if you're not used to it), but I appreciated the cultural setting. And the firefly was funny. And I liked the frogs. And the alligator. They were funny.

17. Meet the Robinsons (2007) - This movie reminds me of elementary school and junior high in a good way. It makes me laugh probably because I feel like it thematically hearkens back to the 80s when there was a big fad to talk about space, robots, and machines. There were a lot of school projects that entailed inventing something, and I think this movie was funny and cute as well as nostalgic.

16. Fantasia 2000 (1999) - Because I never really liked the original Fantasia, I never believed Fantasia 2000 would be good. I watched it for the first time in my quest to do this post, and I seriously thought it was great. It took The Sorcerer's Apprentice and added in equally entertaining and appropriate segments. I watched it twice. And the segment reminiscent of Star Trek IV and V cracked me up.

15. 101 Dalmatians (1961) - Cruella de Vil, Cruella de Vil. If she doesn't scare you, no evil thing will! I was always fond of this movie. Again, it has an appropriately scary antagonist, some cute protagonists, and a rousing good adventure that would probably give my nephew anxiety to no end. You really pull for the dogs. And tell me, isn't the barking chain the best? It's a great movie.

14. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) - This movie really scared my mom when she saw it as a child. It was released in 1937. 1937! That was like pre-WWII! It's strange to think about it that way. So basically, I'm saying that it's brilliant. Sure, Snow White's voice is a little shrill and the prince is a little too pretty, but it is seriously amazing. I also like how the Gremlins like it in "Gremlins."

13. The Rescuers (1977) - I feel like I grew up loving Penny. She was so brave and so awesome for a little girl. And all the animals were good in the movie. It's an adventure with, again, a very scary antagonist. R-E-S-C-U-E, Rescue Aid Society! Hands held high, touch the sky, etc. Good music. A nap time song, lots of physically impossible stunts. It's great.

12. The Jungle Book (1967) - The music, oh, the music! This movie has some great music! It's not like your standard movie music of the last 20 years. It has some good scat, and some real grooving. Also, again, the antagonist is scary. It's tense, and you really pull for the protagonists. And his name is Mowgli. Mowgli!

11. Robin Hood (1973) - This could be the Disney movie I've seen the most. Well, maybe tied with Cinderella. This is a grand adventure. Little boys and girls alike can love this movie and enjoy it together. If you don't crack a smile during this movie, then you have a heart of stone.

10. Cinderella (1950) - Any movie that can be watched ten times in one day without feeling somewhat torturous deserves some serious gold stars. The step sisters are so awful (in a good way), but the movie is still so good. Some of the songs are so bland, but it's still so good. Cinderella is kind and maybe a little dense, but it is still good. Hooray for Cinderelly!

9. The Great Mouse Detective (1986) - It has come to my attention that there are many people who have never seen this movie. It is a real shame. I think this movie is a fun adventure. It's like a nerdy Sherlock Holmes mouse. What can be better than that? Also, there are no nap songs in this. It's a legit movie. Go watch it.

8. Hercules (1997) - You mean Jerkules? This movie is clever and funny. Clever AND funny. Again, this is a great adaptation of a well-known story. It has fantastic music, good characters. So basically, it has it all.

7. The Little Mermaid (1989) - This was a breakthrough movie. The quality of the storyline, animation and especially music was so wonderful, and little girls (and adults in general) everywhere really embraced this show. This is the movie that I think really cemented little girls' love (through endless marketing) of Disney princesses. It brought back the hype of Disney movies.

6. The Lion King (1994) - I like that they really did their homework for this movie. The amount of work and creativity put into this movie was phenomenal. The music is great, the characters, the lines, the jokes. It was all very well done.

5. The Emperor's New Groove (2000) - I did not expect this movie to be so great. It still makes me laugh so hard. It is so funny. It really is the little things that can make the movie so enjoyable. And Yzma is one of the best antagonists ever. So, so ... scary beyond all reason.

4. Sleeping Beauty (1959) - I love this movie. The animation is great, Aurora seems rather normal for a princess, and I was basically obsessed with it as a child. It's really hard to get over obsessions. It warms my heart to see children of the now who are also obsessed with Sleeping Beauty. I really think someone should market dresses that change from blue to pink. Hypercolor, anyone?

3. Beauty and the Beast (1991) - The other day I was at someone's house, and some of the roommates were watching this movie in the other room. I only heard it, but just by hearing the sounds of the movie, I wanted to watch it. Le Fou, I'm afraid I've been thinking. A dangerous past time. I know. The colors are magnificent, the music is wonderful, and it's an interesting story. It's great.

2. Aladdin (1992) - I love this movie. The cave of wonders has always amazed me. They did a great job with that movie. I used to think the genie was borderline annoying, but overall, this movie is a great and fun adventure. Aladdin is a fun protagonist, and I even really liked the rug as a side character. It was a RUG, and it was a great side character. Amazing.

1. Mulan (1998) - I love the music. I love the animation. Everyone is so talented in this movie. It's also not your standard princess movie, but it totally works. The main characters are funny, the side characters are funny, and I can relate to awkward. This is a movie that I can relate to. That's why it works for me. Also, I can see it often without really getting tired of it. Want to watch it with me?

Regarding Pansies

2011-07-10T23:20:00.000-06:00

The other day I decided to go to a local nursery to purchase some flowers and some gardening items, since I didn't have much in the way of gardening items. As I bypassed a creepy human-animatronic-creepy-dude-guy-thing-man-farmer that totally freaked me out as I entered the greenhouse area, I made my way to the flowers section.

There was a little boy of about six years that I didn't know sitting at a picnic table. He greeted me:

Little Boy: "Didn't you bring your kids for me to play with?"

Me: "I'm sorry. I don't have any kids."

Little Boy: "Oh. Well, then you need to find one in your belly sometime, and then later I could play with them."

Me: "Oh, but I'm not married."

Little Boy: "Okay, so then you need need to find a man who has never been married and then get married."

Me: "Yes. Yes, I do need to do that."

I guess there's a shortage of children to play with in the flower section of nurseries, and I am so not pulling my weight around here in that area.

Africa! Safari! (Not the Killing Kind)

2011-06-29T23:44:00.001-06:00

Warning Moja: This post was so long that it took me a while to do it.

Warning Mbili: I might use some Swahili in this post, so if you don’t understand it, just ignore it.

Warning Tatu: There will be talk (and maybe photos) of poop and blood and guts.

You have been warned.

See? I told you.

This is my official post about my recent trip to Tanzania. Because I usually forget to take a lot of photos on trips, I took three times the number I usually do to appease you, my readers. The problem now is that I have so many photos, and it’s hard to sort through them all. But here you go, my readers. Here is an account of my trip.

Jambo. When a lot of people plan trips to Tanzania, in their itinerary is some kind of crazy hike to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro. I assure you that I did none of this on my trip. In fact, the first day it was so cloudy that we had a hard time seeing Mount Kilimanjaro. But, we finally saw it. I didn’t get a great photo of it. Sorry. This was a relaxing vacation. Relaxing. We stayed in places that looked like this:

And we piled in Land Rovers with our luggage under tarps atop the Rovers.

And we drove.

And drove (beautiful skies were everywhere).

And stopped for a picnic lunch under an acacia tree.

Acacia trees have thorns.

I sat on one. Ouch.

We drove some more, but sometimes our road, which very frequently passed by huge ant and/or termite hills, was under construction.

By ‘under construction’ I mean that there were large piles of rocks spaced a few yards apart from each other. So sometimes we had to go another way. By ‘go another way’ I mean that we wandered around and got lost for a little while until the drivers stopped to ask for directions or had frequent and intense discussions with each other in Swahili on their cell phones. My rover’s driver, Omari, had the ring tone of a rooster crowing which was not at all annoying. <= sarcasm (It wasn’t really that bad, just kind of tiring after a week.)

And after we reached our destination, we’d typically find a nice tent with a nice bed.

With maybe a tiny bed that I slept in off to the side. I should have just slept in the big bed with Emily because I was taller than the bed.

Sometimes we had to pour our sink water with a pitcher, but at least they had some nifty bathrobes for us to use if we wanted. I was too scared of spiders to use them, though. Also, who has worn the robes previously, and when were they last washed?

At this particular location we had to order our showers. We had to tell them when we wanted to shower, and then they’d bring hot water by and fill up these bags outside our tents which were attached to wood or bamboo pipes, which were attached to pull-string shower heads. I fortunately didn’t ever unintentionally dump water on my head on this trip like I did at the Dead Sea last year.

A lot of the ceilings at lodges where we stayed looked like this. I’m not sure why they don’t make more use of this architecture here in the states. It might have something to do with snow and not wanting to replace the roof every few years.

The places where we stayed came complete with warnings about where to walk and when to walk. Some of them had apparatuses to keep animals out. We also had tribal warriors walk us to our tents in on place. Part of me wondered if it was really necessary and if they were just trying to get more tips out of us. It’s all part of the tourist experience, I guess.

You can see some of the stick walls that were put up to keep animals out in this place. If you look closely, you can also see a monkey named “Waldo.”

And then it started to get dark.

After sleeping we would repeat the same day as before with some differences. Sometimes we’d see a variety of animals.

Asante sana squash banana.

Baboons really do throw sticks at your land rover. And if you park under them like our guide did, they poop and pee on your land rover.

Their bums are funny.

One time we went on a walking tour and saw water buffalo. They all look mean, but they’re actually friends with pumbas (warthogs). You can be a big pig, too. Oy!

Sometimes we just saw dead animals. Can you pick out what kind of animal this is?

Are you right?

Our group arranged to bring donated textbooks and supplies to a public library for people who can’t attend public schools as well as an orphanage. These three were the coolest, and they liked me because I also left some Happy Factory toys with them.

These two were my favorites at the orphanage. They held my hands practically the whole time we were there.

Their favorite toys were our cameras, though. I’m not sure who took this photo (maybe one of the kids?), but it’s the best.

While each day wasn’t exactly the same, we did mostly see animals. We saw thousands of zebras.

And thousands of Wildebeests.

Wildebeests and zebras are friends.

We also saw elephants.

For to march and drill over field and hill is a military goal!

The sky was also so beautiful.

The trees were cool.

It was really dirty, so sometimes I had to take a bird bath.

Just like the birds.

One time we stayed on a coffee plantation that also had botanical gardens. The dining hall was so cute! Look at it! It's so cute that it's almost like we're in a movie!

Some of these photos are from there.

Aww, look at little Simba.

And his mom.

And a photo of a roaming mail lion. He must be looking for Pride Rock (or his wife or something).

Watch out for the wildebeests, Mufasa!

There could be cunning hyenas waiting to scare them! (I cried when Mufasa died.) (Sorry if I spoiled it for you. Mufasa dies.) (Yes, there are flamingos in the distance.)

Here is a drive-by shot I took of some lions in a Renaissance art pose. Am I right?

Or maybe they were dancing, like Alex from Madagascar 2. What do you think, Marty?

Melman?

Gloria?

Moto Moto? (He likes ‘em chunky.)

This one night I woke up to a strange noise outside, so I got up and looked out, and behold! There was a hippopotamus about 15 feet away from me chomping on the grass! (Not pictured.)

In another instance a hippopotamus (either Gloria or Moto Moto pictured above) was marking its territory. They do this by pooping in your general direction and swishing their tails through the poop. It works for me. I'm not going to go step by their swishing poop tail. (I told you there would be talk of blood, guts, and poop. I don't want to hear any complaints, especially if you made it this far.)

We stopped at a couple of Maasai Villages. They make their huts out of sticks, grass, and cow dung. I went in one of the huts.

I have now been in a house of dung. They just had their fire going the whole time inside the dung hut.

This particular village was so great. They put on a little show for us and gave us a tour. We went to a little schoolhouse, and the kids were so cute! I guess little dirty kids just pull at your heart strings.

These are some kids from another village. They weren’t quite as … welcoming, but they sure did like to have their photos taken.

There are the “Big Five” killers that people like to see when they go to Africa: elephants, water buffalo, lions, leopards, and rhinoceros. I didn’t get a good photo of a rhinoceros. Sorry about that. Anyway, we were worried that we wouldn’t get to see them all. It was our last day on the Serengeti, and we hadn’t seen a leopard or even a cheetah yet. Hakuna Matata is what we kept saying. Well, look what we saw in the morning:

A leopard! You know this because it is in a tree. Cheetahs don't have the claws to climb trees.

And in the afternoon we drove right up to a cheetah having recently made a kill. And look! She has her cubs with her!

The cubs were scaredy cats. They were so jumpy. They’d hear something and run away. And then they’d slowly, slowly make their way back to the food.

And sometimes they had to turn the animal over to get to a new, delicious part.

Om nom nom nom.

So, there were also birds that we saw.

Did I mention the birds?

They’re just singing “We your friends! We your friends! We your friends to the bitter end! (…the bitter end…)

THE END

PS We also spent some time in Amsterdam (not pictured).

About Me at Thirty-Three

2011-05-01T21:52:00.005-06:00

The other day I went out to eat at a Chinese restaurant. The fortune in my cookie read "Your future looks bright." Besides reminding me of wearing sunglasses, it kind of caused me to reflect on who I am and what I like. Since I have recently celebrated a birthday, I thought I'd document some things about me, but specifically what my five senses like.

Sight:

Sometimes I like staring at other people's eyes. The other day I was staring at this lady's eyes and thinking about how cool her eyes were when she remarked that I have great eyes. I was flattered because while I like my brown eyes that have some green and orange streaks, people don't usually tell me that. Hers were blue and sparkling. I hope when I am her age (she was probably 60-something) I still have great eyes like she does.

I like bold colors, red being my favorite. I love the colors of springtime. Blossoms and other early growth can provide some great shades of green, yellow, orange, pink, purple, etc. Springtime reintroduces different color into nature after winter's blue, white, and brown, and I love that.

As far as art goes, I like impressionist-period work, as well as photography of architecture and nature. I also like work done by my friend Tearese because I feel like her use of different colors than I would expect is striking and really emphasizes attributes of her subject.

I also like watching movies. I like a variety of movies, and I appreciate a clever script and a fresh storyline. Occasionally I really like to watch old movies because in some of those movies they spent more time doing nothing. They were slower at getting to the point. A lot of movies these days are just so fast that they forget to really tell the story. I guess I like the variety.

Hearing:

I like live music and concerts. Live music always wins. As one of my friends said tonight, "With live music, you never know what will happen." And that's true. I like to be able to hear people's different interpretations of the same piece.

I am still participating in a hand bell choir, which I really enjoy. I have always thought that bells and chimes were beautiful. When I was little, I also thought that the harp was really beautiful and wanted to learn it. I consider hand bells to be up there in beautiful sounds with harp music. I enjoy that I've learned how to play the piano, violin, and bass guitar, and I hope to learn more instruments in the future. Music is awesome. Go make some music.

I wore earrings the other day for the first time in at least a few months. I always forget to put earrings in.

Tasting:

Sometimes I bite my lips, and I now have some discoloration on my lips from having bitten off too much of my lip. It's kind of embarrassing.

I endorse electronic toothbrushes. I've been using a Sonicare toothbrush, and I really like it. The first few times I used it I almost couldn't stand it because it tickled so much, but I think I've got the hang of it so it's tolerable now. My teeth do seem like they get much cleaner with that toothbrush. I floss daily. Do you?

As far as food goes, lately I've been enjoying thai food, fresh fruits, tortillas, cheese, salsa, yogurt, citrus flavors, chicken, bacon, basil, fresh mozzarella, salads, sushi, seafood, and pies. Bacon is still my love, but I've been trying to go easy on the bacon for fear of high cholesterol. The most regular cravings I have are for seafood and pies. I regularly crave fruit pie at night.

Smell:

I've been sick this last week, and I think that I stink when I am sick, especially. I stink other times, too, but even more so when I'm sick.

I like to use nice smelling hand soap. I like Bath and Body Works hand soap, especially the kitchen lemon, country apple, and sweet pea scents. I also like their lip gloss, but the hotcakes flavor makes me want to eat my lips, which as you have already read, is bad.

I like the taste and smell of garlic and onions. I know that's weird.

Touch:

I like snuggling in my blankets. I like the feeling of it being cold outside but still being warm in a cocoon of soft and nice blankets. I do not own a Snuggie, nor do I think one is necessary. Blankets are all you need.

I decided that I like my feet massaged. This is a breakthrough for me, since I generally think feet are kind of gross. I still haven't decided to like playing footsie, though. I don't want YOUR feet touching me. Gross.

The Sense of Humor (or "sence," if you like):

That joke will never get old.

Recently I've been watching Psych. I think it's really funny. They have a lot of 80s pop culture references and a lot of guest stars from 80s movies, and I think those are delightful.

I don't audibly laugh very much anymore, even if I think something is funny. I don't know what happened to my laughter, but it's really more of a thought inside my head that goes something like this: "That is very humorous and clever!" The end. I can't really explain it. When was the last time you truly heard me laugh out loud?

So, I hope you enjoyed reading about me.

You Can Learn A Lot of Things from the Flowers

2011-04-03T23:51:00.001-06:00

This is one way you can tell it's Spring where I live:

Yep. There are flowers that have bloomed, but it still also snows. The snow pretty well melted by the afternoon.

I find snowfall on flowers to be oddly beautiful. The sad thing about it being so warm and then snowy is that some of the trees already had blossoms. If it freezes tonight, my parents' peach trees will probably not produce this year, and that is sad. Those peaches are so delicious, and they make the best peach pies. I'm already mourning their loss. Ah well. I'm still expecting a few more days of snow. It's not usually over until mid-May.

Yes, this was a blog post about the weather. I am my father's daughter.

Singlehood

2011-03-06T22:25:00.002-07:00

Being single, it seems like I have a greater opportunity than my married counterparts to be around people who are sick of being single. Because of that, and because I spent a few minutes the other night looking at this website, I want to document the things that I love about being single, and why I don't think my situation is sad at all, and why I think people should stop talking so much about guys or bemoaning their singlehood:

1. When I wake up in the morning and find myself askew all over the bed, it's okay because I haven't stolen any blankets and haven't creeped over into anyone else's space. I can go to sleep and wake up without regard to anyone in my household's schedule.
2. I can eat whatever I want for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I don't have to hear any complaints if I make something someone else doesn't like, and I don't have to be careful about anyone else's dietary needs or desires.
3. I have my own bathroom. Actually, I have three bathrooms to myself, unless I invite people over.
4. All toothbrushes in the house are mine and have not been used by anybody else.
5. I have the financial freedom to do what I want when I want (I don't have to consult with anyone about how to spend and what to spend).
6. TRAVEL!
7. I get to hang out with my single friends, and they're so cool and fun!
8. No poopy diapers. I know this isn't just a singlehood thing, but children (poopy diapers) and matrimony are positively correlated.
9. I can watch what I want on tv and have control of the remote.
10. The only nerdy and terrible movies on my Netflix queue are ones that I put there.
11. I can be as clean as I want and as slobby as I want at my house.
12. I can go a long while without shaving without anyone really being any the wiser. I should take advantage of this more often.
13. I can squeeze from the middle of the toothpaste tube, and nobody cares.
14. I can make constellations on my bedroom ceiling because I like them, and nobody makes fun of me for it.
15. I can watch all 50 Disney animated movies for a future blog post without driving anyone crazy, except myself.
16. Everything is where I put it.
17. I don't have to worry emotionally about that particular relationship. There are no fights or drama in my household, and I don't have expectations or have to worry about anyone else's expectations of me.
18. I can play the piano late at night.
19. I rarely wake up at night because there's nothing to wake me up.
20. If I want silence, I get it.
21. Plenty of time to contemplate and ponder (I really like this).
22. My stuff is mine. I don't have to share.
23. I always get the last piece of the cherry pie.
24. I can work for long hours without anyone at my house complaining and without feeling like I'm shirking family responsibilities.
25. People don't ask you to do stuff as much at church. They're just glad you're there.
26. Freedom.

So anyway, I'm enjoying life. I'm sure you are, too, in your situation. So, now my question to you is: what do you like about your situation, whether it be a situation of singlehood, parenthood, marriedhood, engagedhood, widowhood, divorcedhood, retiredhood, or childhood? Tell me, and please, feel free to gloat.

Inside Outside USA

2011-02-15T23:54:00.003-07:00

Oh, right. That blog thing. So, I was thinking the other day about swimming pools, and how I used to go to the swimming pool basically everyday when I was a young girl, living in the wonderful state of Virginia. My sisters and I would walk to the nearby community pool, and frequently we'd sing "Hey hey, we're the Monkees!" as we walked with some of our neighbor friends. Those summers were fantastic. Some of the highlights from going to that pool were as follows:

1. That time when Cash scraped her nose on the bottom of the pool.
2. That time when I scraped my nose on the bottom of the pool from diving in the shallow end. The chlorinated blood made the wound look fluorescent. That scar would appear for years afterward whenever I got a tan.
3. Speaking of tan, I was. I know! Can you believe it? I have proof in the form of pictures. I was so tan, and my hair was slightly sun bleached. Banana's was super bleached blonde.
4. When the ice cream truck would come around, I usually bought Fun Dip. There was a brief stint when for some reason we were into those Garbage Pail Kids cards, so I actually got those a couple of times.
5. One of my most embarrassing moments as an 8-year-old was getting faked out by one of the lifeguards and jumping in the pool too early. Each hour they had 15 minutes of adult swim only, and we would line up waiting to jump in the pool when they blew the whistle. Yeah, he totally faked me out. How embarrassing. I really was embarrassed for months after that.
6. Cash's lips turning blue. Yikes! Foreboding.
7. Swimming pool acrobatics. It was always fun to do flips, handstands, and even the splits in the pool.
8. I had this really awesome zip up jumper that I would wear all the time over my swimming suit. It was the coolest. Banana and Cash had similar jumpers, and we all planned to wear them at picture day at school, so basically, it's the best picture ever.

We also had some great trees in our yard that were good for climbing and swaying as we stood on the branches and sang "Surfin' USA." How can you beat surfing in trees?

Growing up in the 80s at the pool was so much fun. I am so glad that my parents felt safe enough to let us go off and play by ourselves, and even at the swimming pool. I feel like most kids miss out on that these days.

Creepy Betty

2011-01-25T21:59:00.006-07:00

The most creepy and foreboding thing is happening. Hotels.com is doing this promotion where they are having people make themselves into Claymation! Ew! Scary! Can you imagine? They are going to have these Claymation commercials and we are all going to be subjected to it! Ugh!

I am so scared that they'll put the commercials online for me to watch while I'm exercising/watching The Price Is Right. I would have to consider not watching The Price Is Right if that happens. I've almost had to quit watching it because of those awful Geico commercials. Especially that woodchuck one. I have to plug my ears and go to the happy place whenever that comes on. I want to chuck wood at the woodchucks to get them to stop.

So anyway, just to be weird and shock you, my blog readers, and perhaps because I may or may not have made a resolution to get over my fear of Claymation/3D/stop-action animation/cross-dressers/people with too much plastic surgery, I have turned myself into Claymation on their site. I put on ears that would make some of my British ancestors proud. I hope you like it. They also have a name generator that give you a vacationy name (they gave mine Betty Relaxson), and they have a sort of Mad Libs. I chose mine to be kind of about a yeti. Of course I would pick a yeti because I like that word. Yeti, yeti, yeti. Oh, and also because it's an abominable snowman. Oh, and also because if I ever see someone wearing an overly furry outfit, I will always think of it as a yeti costume because of the movie "About A Boy."

Oh yeah, right. I was going to show you myself with big ears and whitish-blue lips in Claymation form. Enjoy creepy me!

Cardine's 2010 Movie Post

2011-01-04T23:44:00.003-07:00

I confess that I have not really been looking forward to writing this. It seems like a chore this year. Maybe as I write it, I'll start to enjoy it. I'm not sure why I expected to love more movies this year than I did, but there you have it. I did well on the movie front this year. It probably has something to do with having Netflix, as well as spending a lot of time doing stuff with a movie on in the background. Also, I live alone. It's easy to be a movie hermit when you live alone (it's great).

Okay, so here is 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, and 2005. Just for your information (but mostly for mine).

I saw 23 movies that were released in 2010. This could be a record for me. I mean, that's a lot for me. I actually have more movies than 10 to put on this list! Without further ado, here is my list for 2010.

1. How to Train Your Dragon - I think that what put this at the number one spot was that I actually saw this movie twice, and I enjoyed it after the second viewing. This is one that I could definitely watch repetitively. The first time I saw it, I thought that the plot was pretty predictable, but in spite of that, I really enjoyed it. I really like the way that ...er... the movie people ... who made the movie... created Toothless. I became attached to that character during the movie. It was great. I also really liked the viking setting and the creativity of each of the dragons. I didn't know anything about it really when I saw it, and I was pleasantly surprised.

2. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 - Okay, I admit it. I'm biased. If it's Harry Potter, then chances are that I'm going to love it. I can't believe I enjoyed this movie as much as I did, but ultimately, it was awesome. Even the camping part, which I didn't really like at all the first time I read the book. I especially enjoyed the part when they used the pollyjuice potion. I honestly expected the movie makers to just really suck it up for at least one of the movies. I was especially expecting it with this one, but ultimately they did a great job and exceeded expectations.

3. Inception - It was a clever movie, and near the end I thought I actually was going to hate the movie... until the very, very end. Then, THEN I liked the movie. One of the most enjoyable parts of the movie to me was the special effects. The zero gravity part was awesome, purely awesome. All of the acting was great (yes, even Leonardo DiCaprio), and it was ultimately a time when I was captivated. I was totally into the movie.

4. The Chronicles of Narnia: the Voyage of the Dawn Treader - I like this series. I'm not a huge fan of this particular book, but they did a great job on the movie. I really enjoyed it! I had totally forgotten about the dragon part, and it was a little hokey when I thought about it, but somehow it still succeeded. I hope they continue on with the next ones of the series. I really liked the book "The Horse and His Boy."

5. Toy Story 3 - I am impressed with this series. They have kept up with the quality of movies throughout the series. I do have an issue with this movie, though. Some of the toys were overly scary. Almost to the point of those stop-action misfit toys scary. FREAKY. Anyway, it was an enjoyable movie. Fun for the whole family, as long as they can handle the freaky.

(This is where it got really hard choosing because a bunch were good, but not great.)

6. Despicable Me - Humorous. The little girls were cute, and I thought the plot seemed slightly... I don't know... canned or something. It was like I could see everything coming from a mile away. It didn't cause me to heave a hearty laugh, but it was still... good. Yeah, it was good. It was enjoyable and can likely stand up to multiple viewings.

7. Iron Man 2 - This was the same movie as Iron Man. Like, seriously, it seemed like the same movie as the first one. I enjoyed the first one, so... I guess I enjoyed this one, too. I have no major complaints; I'm just wondering why they made two movies that were the same movie? And why did I pay twice to see the same movie?!

8. Diary of a Wimpy Kid - I wasn't expecting this movie to be good at all, but it really tickled my fancy. I ended up giggling at a lot of the parts, and I actually loved the character of Rowley. He was hilarious to me.

9. The Ghost Writer - This movie wasn't extremely fast-paced, but I enjoyed it well enough. It was like a slow mystery that was adventurous at the same time. Probably the thing that impressed me most about this movie is that it seemed more true-to-life in its action and probability than other movies that are full of suspense and danger (ahem, Knight and Day). Also, it starred Ewan McGregor, which is good because he has an excellent accent. And I recognized a location in England that was in the movie because I went there last year. I love it when that happens in movies, especially if the movie is not set in NYC or Hollywood.

10. Tangled - Yeah, it was pretty good. I wasn't in love with it, but it had some cool parts. None of the songs were very memorable to me, and it deviated from the original story of Rapunzel in some significant ways and in some insignificant ways. It was enjoyable enough, though. Not terribly memorable, but good. I'm sure there are plenty of little girls who are in love with it, though. (So, what is the deal with recent heroes in princess movies being thieves or unemployed or whatever? Are there no regular guys who work in legitimate jobs anymore?)

I also enjoyed the following movies:

Alice in Wonderland - I should have been totally freaked out by Helena Bonham Carter's head among other things, but I ended up not caring and instead delighting in the visual art of the movie.
The Last Airbender - It was missing the hilarity of the cartoons, but it was still good.
Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World - The way they made this movie was very clever. It should definitely be added to your list for future viewing.
The Sorcerer's Apprentice - Enjoyable enough.
Prince of Persia: the Sands of Time - Ridiculous, but a good adventure.
Shrek Forever After - It was just good. Enough with the Shrek movies, already!

The following movies were so-so or meh, whichever you prefer:

Letters to God - It was clean and touching. It reminded me of "Fireproof."
Date Night - It provided some laughs.
Knight and Day - Yes, I actually saw this. It wasn't that bad. Certainly not as bad as it could have been, considering it had both Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.
Clash of the Titans - Not great. I didn't regret seeing it, though.
Eclipse - Forgettable.

Movies I didn't really like or that were disappointing:

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: the Lightning Thief - I liked the book, but the movie was so dumbed down and sexed up. Weird.
Robin Hood - It just wasn't very good. It's like it should have been good but just wasn't.

Movies I wanted to see from 2009 and saw:

Terminator Salvation - Yep, I liked it.
9 - It was good. Just good. It kind of reminded me of "The Secret of Nimh" for some reason.
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - Eh... I didn't really love it. It was just okay.
Where the Wild Things Are - I didn't like it that much.
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant - Not great.
The Twilight Saga: New Moon - Better quality than Twilight, which made it not as good because Twilight was hilarious!
Invictus - It was alright.

Movies I didn't necessarily want to see from 2009 but saw anyway:

Avatar - It was visually beautiful, but it wasn't great.
Inkheart - Wasn't great, but wasn't terrible.
Taken - I think I actually saw this in 2009 but forgot to put it on last year's list because I guess I forgot about it. It wasn't great.
Dragonball Evolution - This is what I imagine Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was like. I don't know that I saw more than a couple of clips of that show, but I'm pretty sure this movie was a lot like it. And throw in a teenage mutant ninja turtle for effect.
Whip It - I thought it was funny!
The Young Victoria - Enjoyable enough.

Movies I wanted to see from 2008 and saw:

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist - It was alright. I enjoy Michael Cera enough. I'm getting tired of him, though. I might need to go watch an 80s movie with John Cusack, just to remind myself that Michael Cera is not the only actor that can play awkward young roles.
Nim's Island - I did end up seeing it. It was alright. Nice-ish.
The Tale of Despereaux - I didn't love the book, so I didn't love the movie.

Movies I wanted to see from 2007 and saw:

1408 - I was so scared that I would be freaked out that I maintained constant dialogue throughout the movie and thus was not scared that much.
Rescue Dawn - Interesting. Not great, but interesting.

Movies I have a small interest in seeing that came out in 2010:

Unstoppable
The Social Network
MegaMind
The King's Speech
True Grit
Tron: Legacy

Most of those are maybes. I still need to see how they were reviewed because I haven't paid much attention to that.

Was there anything I missed that you loved? I find that I enjoy putting on a movie while I work at my house. I am more than willing to try out something that you've enjoyed if it comes with a good recommendation. Hope you enjoyed this post. I still didn't really enjoy writing it. Ah well. You win some, and you lose some.

Some Things Affect Your Whole Life

2010-12-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

The year was 1982. Ronald Reagan (the actor?!) was president. Some of the world was at war. There would be a recession. But I was four years old. I didn't care about such things. My life at the time was mostly spent in a small home in Southern California and consisted of learning how to read, watching The Price Is Right (I discovered how to cross my eyes while watching Bob Barker), going swimming or to the beach, and playing with my toy kitchen on the back porch. I was also in love with Walt Disney's Sleeping Beauty.

Throughout my childhood my family would take trips every summer (or more often) to visit my grandparents who were alive in the 80s. On one such trip, we were visiting my grandmother and ended up going to see a movie in the new movie theater that had recently opened on the outskirts of the town where she lived. The movie was E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial.

Do you remember the first time you saw E.T.? E.T. phone home? Reese's Pieces? The movie that portrays a child who was somehow intoxicated by an alien drinking a beer? (Weird.)

Well, I do. I don't remember most of the movie, but I do remember being a little freaked out by E.T. And then during the part when everyone's wearing those space suits and they're all in that clean environment and not looking very human-like? That just totally did it for me. I decided that I couldn't handle all of the scariness of the movie. So I cried. I was four years old, after all. I remember having to sit on my mom's lap, and being a little embarrassed by it because my younger sister, Cash, didn't appear to be bothered by it at all. But me? I was weeping like a child. I was a child. My family adopted this saying "E.T. died, and Cardine cried," only replace "Cardine" with my more common name. I didn't mention this often when it was brought up, but I wasn't crying because E.T. was dying. I was crying because it was so freaky!

Now years later, I can look back on this experience and see what I learned:

1. Puppets are scary, even the animatronics ones. E.T. was no exception. I have always thought they were scary. I used to have these nightmares that the puppets from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood were coming to kill me. The popularity of the Chucky movies in the 80s did not help this attitude of mine at all, and I could write a whole post about how I think subjecting children to the Chucky movies is child abuse, but I shall not diverge any longer on that topic. Puppets are scary! And if you're out there and you think you have a talent as a puppeteer, put that puppet away! You're terrible at it, and it's totally freaky! Stop scaring the children!

2. Reese's Pieces are really good. If people make cookies and put Reese's Pieces in them, I can eat the whole batch. Seriously tasty, those Reese's Pieces.

3. I now live less than a mile away from the very theater where I cried during the viewing of E.T. Little did my four-year-old self know, I would end up in the future living and working within walking distance from the location of my earliest memories of puppet-induced trauma. I guess you never know where you'll end up and what paths will be crossed and re-crossed in the future!

Not Inspired By Coldplay

2010-12-15T22:54:00.003-07:00

There is something really mesmerizing about Christmas lights. The LED ones tend to kind of bother my eyes. I don't really like looking at them. The classic ones, however, are really pretty. I can easily sit around in the dark with only those Christmas lights on and just stare at them. Do you do the same thing?

My neighbors had two Christmas trees and gave me one of them. I got it late one night and was having a get-together the next day and wanted to decorate it. Since I wasn't going to go to the store, I just scrounged around my house to find decorations. I had two strands of white lights, two bolts of white and silver ribbon, some olive wood ornaments which I hung with scraps of small ribbon. I only had enough ribbon for eight of them. I had four ornaments that had been gifted to me during various Christmas seasons, a random starry piece of string, some reused gold and white ribbon (for the star), and a red ribbon.

I was also given 12 rolls of green and red paper that have Christmas stories on them. I chose to stick those in the tree. I also got the excess silver material from a dress I just altered and wrapped it around the base for the skirt.

The result? Well, it looks like I threw it together, which I did. But the interesting thing is that I don't care, as long as I have those white lights on the tree. Enough white lights can make the tree appear beautiful, almost no matter what else is on it. And when I leave my blinds open, it looks great from the parking lot.

So basically, lights are awesome. I love them. Come sit in the dark and look at the lights with me. You'll love it. And besides, friends can listen to endless love in the dark.

A Christmas Music Post

2010-12-03T10:53:00.007-07:00

The motherboard on my computer has decided to stop working, so let me just briefly share a Christmas video with you because I am in the mood for Christmas music this year:

Coldplay - Christmas Lights

I like the fiddling Elvises in the background.

This Is Our Cousin Barny

2010-11-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

Well, since it's the week of another Harry Potter movie opening, I thought I'd make my list of the order in which I like the Harry Potter BOOKS. So, enjoy. And please share yours in the comments if you want!

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

I know this isn't the most popular book to like, but I was always a huge fan of Lupin in the books. I also really liked the introduction of the dementors. Probably my favorite part of this book was when Harry and Hermione use the time turner. I thought the plot was great and overall really interesting.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Really, the relationship antics in this book were hilarious. I felt like this was a meatier book than the previous ones. The plot got deeper and more complex, and this was the book where I felt like we were really getting to the climax of the series.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

This book almost had too much in it. I inhaled it in the 10 hours after its purchase, but mostly that's because I was so worried about having someone spoil the book for me. I didn't want to be around people until I had read it. Frankly, the camping part was hard to get through. But, really, it was awesome. I would say that this was the most adventurous and action-packed of all the books. There were a lot of sad parts in this book, but it was still good.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

This book used to not be my favorite, but I think that since Tom Riddle became a bigger part of the story in book 6 and 7, I appreciate it a lot more. I also was annoyed by Dobby when I first read the books, but now I can handle him. I guess Hermione's SPEW group really changed my perspective about house elves. :)

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

There's no debate about this. In this book Harry is angsty, angry, and whiny. I know that it's because he's channeling Voldemort, but really, it's borderline unbearable. The most recent time I read the book, however, I didn't think it was nearly as angsty/whiny as I previously had.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

This book probably should be higher on the list because it was the book that got me hooked in the first place! But, I also rarely feel like reading this book over again. I think it's because so much of the book is character development and the setting up of the wizard/muggle world. It's interesting, but not as action-packed. Still good, though. Really. And the innocence of it all is precious and something the latter books might lack.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

First, let me just say that this is still a good book. The whole Barty Crouch Jr. thing was pretty clever. But, it was so... out there that all of a sudden there's this Tri-Wizard Tournament thing. It reeked of hokeyness and maybe a little randomness to me. Still, though, it brought us some interesting side-stories, like with Rita Skeeter and Viktor Krum.

So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed my list. Did you read the books? Which ones do you like best? Are you seeing the movie that's coming out this week?

The Past, the Present, and the Future

2010-11-07T21:00:00.004-07:00

This weekend I had a fantastic time reminiscent of Ebenezer Scrooge, who has a very unfortunate name. Seriously? Ebenezer Scrooge? Yikes.

The Past

I had the opportunity to wave a direct descendant card and view some original documents and a journal that was written by my great, great grandfather in the 1850s. While I didn't actually take notes or read much from it, I loved the chance I had to see the originals. Sometimes I like to go on tours of my own life, of who I am and where I came from. There is no organized tour group to take me from location to location about my personal family history, so I get to make my own. If you've never done that, you should try it sometime. It's like historical geocaching. I just made up that term. Use it. Make it popular.

Some of the papers I decided not to touch much. It was really brittle and clearly very, very delicate. The journal, on the other hand, was still in great condition. I read a little bit of it and turned some pages. I like to see what people were doing on my birthday years and years before my birth. It was a Sunday (incidentally, I was also born on a Sunday), and there was much snow on that morning. It was a cold, late spring. He "preached" at a church meeting, which my father also did on the day I was born.

My great, great grandfather had excellent handwriting. His cursive was flawless. It's beautiful to see flawless cursive, especially since we use computers so much these days. I hope the next generation doesn't lose the ability to read cursive, even though I do think that printing is a better standard. I could tell that there had been some restoration done on the journal, and it made me really appreciate the work that people go through to restore documents of my personal history. The people who do this don't even necessarily know the value of those documents to an individual, so I appreciate that they work on it for me without knowing me or others who will find the documents to be valuable.

The Present (and Presents for Dub)

My sister Dub got married. I have a new brother-in-law! I'll have to come up with a good name for him for my blog if I ever talk about him on here. Suggestions? Anyway, the ceremony was beautiful, the weather was perfect, and it was so great to be around my family. I am really happy for my sister, my new brother-in-law, and for my family. I am also glad to not wear those shoes anymore. Some heels just don't work for me, I guess.

I love spending time with my relatives. My immediate family is awesome. My extended family is so fun to be around. I am so thankful for my family. I am so blessed to have them in my present. I learn a lot from all of them, and I really think it was so good for me to have been born in such a unique and interesting family. I occasionally find myself counting down the days or the hours until I get to hang out with them.

The Future

We also celebrated the birth of a new nephew! Well, the birth happened a while ago, but my new nephew was blessed at church today. It was really great to be around my family for that and to contemplate my adorable nephews and nieces and the possibility that the future holds for them. It will be interesting to see what each child chooses for his or her life. It's amazing to think of the changes that have occurred in the world in my lifetime, and I can't comprehend what will happen in their lifetimes.

I currently have 14 nieces and nephews, and that number will change to 15 by the end of this year. When we all get together, craziness ensues, but I love, love, love it. The cuteness and hilarity is all worth it. Hooray for family!

So, what did YOU do this weekend? Did anyone else have a Scrooge-like weekend?

Of Cookies and Friends

2010-10-24T23:44:00.004-06:00

I made some cookies tonight. I knew I wanted to use the peanut butter chips that had been calling to me from my pantry, so I pulled them out and put them in the dough. After having made a few regular peanut butter chip cookies, I repented, and I added the cocoa to make them chocolate peanut butter chip cookies. After all, the combination of peanut butter and chocolate was divinely inspired, and we should not take the gift of that combination for granted.

The cookies hit the spot.

So... how do you think people in the 1800s kept their brown sugar from hardening into a stiff brick? I have always wondered and never been motivated enough to find out. Anyway, I do what my dad taught me to do. I store my brown sugar in a container. I make kind of this foil disc with ridges that goes on top of the brown sugar. Then I put a slightly damp paper towel on the foil disc. If the water touches the brown sugar, it's all over because it hardens into a rock. Anyway, it keeps the brown sugar soft for longer. I hadn't dampened my paper towel in a while, so it was a little on the hard side. I also ran out of brown sugar, so I had to open a rock hard new package. I solved that one by putting a small piece in the microwave. I hate doing that. It's so easy to overheat it that way.

Dear Pampered Chef or Bed Bath and Beyond or whoever: you should make and sell a container that is ideal for the storing of brown sugar with a slightly damp paper towel. I make the ideas; you carry them out. Thanks. Oh wait. Does this exist? Sometime I should be not lazy and Google these things. Today is not that day.

Anyway.

So I was thinking about family and friendship today. I have a great family. (Happy birthday, Cash!) I also feel like I've had the opportunity to meet and be friends with so many people. It's incredible how different we all are, yet how the same we all are. I was also thinking about how we generally all get out of our relationships similar to what we put into them. I am really grateful for my friends who aren't easily offended and who try to be positive and understanding about others. I think that those are the friends who make the most positive impact on my life and likely other people's lives. So yeah, kind of cheesy, but there you have it. Yay for awesome family, and yay for awesome friends!

p.s. Banana, I noticed that this post has a time stamp of 11:44 exactly. This was unplanned and unintentional. :)

Weird Stuff on TPIR #3

2010-10-04T19:13:00.006-06:00

I probably shouldn't be too critical about this prize, seeing as how the salt and pepper shakers I use are those 99 cent ones that are super-generic, but really, if you're going to get salt and pepper shakers, are you going to buy some that are shaped like rockets and are $48?

I really love "The Price Is Right." Really.

When I Was in Oz

2010-09-29T23:44:00.001-06:00

We used to move around a bit when I was growing up. Because of that, there's pretty much one non-family person that I semi-often see in life that ever even knew me as a child. I had a chance to see and talk to her the other day. We reminisced a little bit about the times we had played together as children, and it kind of put a bunch of my old memories on the brain. I've been feeling like recording some of those stories, so I hope you enjoy this trip down my memory lane.

Time: 1990
Place: Illinois
The Reason: Jr High (6th grade)

For one of our school trimesters the teachers announced that we would be working on a huge project that would constitute a major portion of our grade for that whole trimester. It would affect all of our grades in our core classes: English, Reading, Math, and World History. We would each be assigned a different country and do a project on that country. I was in my English class at the time, and my teacher, The Wicked Witch of the West,

had some kind of hat with a bunch of countries in there. I was one of the last people that got to choose a country (which was actually handed to me out of the hat), if not the last. When I looked at it, doo-doo-doo-dooooo... I got Vatican City.

Some other students were displeased with their chosen countries and wanted to trade, so, with The Wicked Witch's permission, they were able to switch countries. Not being particularly pleased with my choice (I had wanted France or Switzerland or something like that), I asked The Wicked Witch if I could switch. "NO!" she cackled.

"How peculiar," I thought, "that The Wicked Witch of the West won't let me trade when she let the others trade." But, being a rather passive-aggressive 11 year old, I just sat at my desk confused as to her exceeding niceness to the other munchkins and her snappiness towards me. I also mused over the chances that in a junior high with 90% catholic attendees (and with The Wicked Witch of the West, who was also catholic if you didn't know), I, The Mormon, would be the one to get Vatican City as my country and not be allowed to switch. I certainly was not in Kansas anymore.

It turned out that everyone got to be in groups with the other students who shared their similar country assignments. There were no other students assigned to the same country that I had, so I was thrown into the miscellaneous group with Monaco, Lichtenstein, and Luxembourg. We had to come up with a group presentation, and we chose to present Jeopardy!-style. That went okay. As a part of it we also were supposed to write a multiple page paper about the country. I made my way to the library in search of information about my country.

Since our school had only opened a couple of months earlier, there weren't very many options (as you can see) for reference. I searched the card catalog and found nothing relating to Vatican City. I enlisted the help of the librarian, but she basically told me they would have nothing, except for what I would be able to find in an encyclopedia. So, I found the encyclopedia. There was one paragraph about Vatican City. I decided to cross-reference pope names to see if there would possibly be anything else about Vatican City in there. Nope. I talked to the other munchkins who were mostly catholic to see what they could tell me about Vatican City. Not much, actually.

I went home and checked our encyclopedias with a similar result: a paltry amount of information. So, that's what I got: basically nothing. Now, I can be good at creating filler to extend the length of papers (as you can tell by the length of this blog entry), but this task was way beyond my abilities. I wasn't even sure what else I could write about that would be about the country and not the individual people who lived there. So, I gave up. I thought to myself, "Self, they assigned you a country, didn't let you switch, and have abysmal resources to help you accomplish this assignment. Why work on it?" And so, I didn't do anything. I figured that handing in a paper short of the required number of pages (we had also been threatened to fail if we handed in anything less than what was required) would be pointless, so I just quit. Why spend time on something that won't pass, anyway? Also, I should mention here that I like learning and hate homework, so my motivation to work on the assignment wasn't very big in the first place, seeing as how this project seemed to me to be more work than learning.

So, on the day that we were to turn in our reports, I handed in nothing. And The Wicked Witch of the West made a scene. Quite the scene.

I was told that my parents would be contacted. My mother, The Good Witch of the North, had a little talk with me after school.

I told her the story of my experiences, and she ... well, she abandoned the Good Witch of the North attitude and became a bit of the Wicked Witch of the West. I can't remember if she called and talked to my teacher or if she actually went to the school to talk to the teacher, but when she came back to talk to me, she had clearly come to know that my teacher was actually The Wicked Witch of the West in disguise.

So what happened next? The Good Witch of the North helped me complete my assignment that night. She took out some of her old photo albums of when she had visited Vatican City, and we created a paper with photos of her visit to Vatican City. Based on my report card and the fact that I always got straight A's, I think I still got an F on the entire assignment. I still can't figure out why that project affected my math grades. There wasn't really any part of our assignment that used pre-algebra. Ah well. All in all what I learned most from that experience was that The Wicked Witch of the West really just wanted her ruby slippers.

The End.

The Dog? You Were Named After the Dog?

2010-09-09T00:25:00.005-06:00

One time I was standing in line at the grocery store, and the bag boys were discussing the Spider-Man trilogy and which one they thought was the best movie of the trilogy. I had a differing opinion than they did, so I had to jump in and tell them my opinion. Why? Because I'm crazy like that. I like to share my opinion if it's different than others' opinions.

Similarly, the other week I was with some friends and we ran into these guys with whom, for some reason, we began to discuss movies. I actually argued about the Indiana Jones movies because they believed that Temple of Doom and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull were terrible movies. They were, naturally, wrong. All four of the movies are enjoyable but to varying degrees. And so, today you are blessed to read my list of the Indiana Jones movies in the order that I like them:

1. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The dialogue in this movie is hilarious. They did a great job with Indiana's relationship with his father. Marcus Brody was funny. In addition, the adventure was interesting and awesome. The special effects were good, too. It's scary when Donovan turns really old and then eventually blows away. I saw it in the theater with Cash, and she actually clawed my arm at that point. It was an excellent, excellent movie.

2. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

I know it's really popular to not like this movie, but it is really, really a funny movie. Willie and Short Round provide all kinds of crazy antics in this movie. It's also reasonably scary. Seriously, when the dude pulls the heart out of the other guy's chest -- were you scared? I was. I honestly enjoy the story and the adventure. I don't know why someone wouldn't.

3. Raiders of the Lost Ark

I think that this one is borderline too scary. During the part with all of the melting faces, I really don't want to watch it. Creeeeeeepy. Otherwise, it's a great adventure. The opening classic Indiana Jones sequence can stand on it's own with awesomeness, and the villains are truly villainous. I never was a huge fan of Marion, though.

4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

This one was really much better than I thought it would be. Having said that, it's 4th on my list. I didn't hate the ending like a lot of people did, but I was slightly annoyed by the son's character. I also wasn't in love with the animal life in the movie, but it was tolerable enough to not detract from my enjoyment of the film. I need to see it again, but I do remember thinking that it was a classic Indiana Jones movie.

What do you guys think? Do you completely disagree? Which one is your favorite of the four?

Carne Asada Bike Racks

2010-08-24T23:27:00.005-06:00

Life is enjoyable. I really treated myself well this summer. Well, I may have spoiled myself a little too much, but I think that everyone should do that every so often. Probably the only thing that I felt lacked a little bit in my life this summer was hiking and time in water, whether it were a beach, lake, or swimming pool. I didn't do nearly as much hiking as I would have liked. I suppose that's what happens when you have a job (I appreciate that I have one).

One recent addition to my house is this:

That's right. A bike rack. I solved the problem of where to put my bike by buying a rack and a cover. That way I can put it on my back porch and cover it so it's not in the weather. It's not as good as a garage, but it'll do for now. Also, I put it together all by myself and am proud of it.

The very same day I made the following:

That's right. Carne asada fries. Do you love them? I do. If you've never tried them, you must. You just pile on a plate the following ingredients:

French fries (I got frozen ones and baked them. Shoestrings are the best.)
Seasoned steak bites (I just cut up whatever cheapo steak-like meat I find, add salt and pepper and cook it on the stove top.)
Grated cheddar cheese
Pico de gallo (I don't care for cilantro, so I just put tomatoes and onions on there.)
Guacamole
Mexican cream (Or if you're me and only have sour cream in your fridge, sour cream.)
Your favorite liquidy salsa (I prefer Herdez Salsa Verde in a bottle, medium.)
Lime (Or if you have no lime in your fridge like me, lemon.)

Seriously, just pile on the ingredients to your taste, and you'll really enjoy this. They're like nachos but not. I like to mix it together to get the blended taste.

The whole family can enjoy it! It's a party in your mouth and everyone's invited! Etc. Just try them. For me.

And also, I hope you've enjoyed the summer and have had at least a few relaxing times. Did you build anything like a bike rack? Make a favorite recipe? What did you do?

I Finally Caught It on Camera!

2010-08-02T23:37:00.004-06:00

This, readers, is proof that sometimes your tennis racket really DOES bend back when you're going for the ball. Sometimes it really IS the racket!

Remember That One Time I Went to Israel?

2010-07-26T22:27:00.006-06:00

O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which makest the profits, and guidest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy tourists together, as a plane doth gather her passengers under her wings, and ye would not (stop taking them to super touristy and strange locations, such as the Church of the Holy Sepulchre)!

I just can't put it off any longer. I've got to do some updating. I haven't put anything about my trip to Israel and Egypt on here yet, and it's been three months since I've been back! What can I say? I'm a slacker. I went with Felicity and Brianna, who are excellent travel companions. Felicity's cousin came, too, and she was cool. Well, I don't want to make this painful, so I guess I'll just post some photos and say that I loved the experience.

Well, okay. I will say a few things. It will be a short travel log, though. Shortish?

Places we went:

Day 1: Joppa (Jaffa). Tiberias. (We stayed in Tiberias for the first part of the trip.) You may remember Joppa as being the location where Peter was at Simon the tanner's house when he had the vision where it was revealed that it was okay to eat pig ... er... share the gospel with the Gentiles. Mmm... bacon. I mean, yay Gentiles!

Day 2: Caesarea. Mt. Carmel. Megiddo. Nazareth. Tiberias.

This is the ... street... where we tried to go to St. Joseph's Church. There was no room for us in that inn. Really, they closed early for a funeral. And the shops were closed. Kind of sad. Oh well.

Day 3: Capernaum. Sea of Galilee. Caesarea Philippi. Jordan River. *Switzerland. Tiberias.

This is the Jordan River. You may recognize it by the fence in the lower right-hand corner, which is used partially as a guard so you don't fall in, and partially to queue all of the people waiting in line to be baptized a la how you would do it in Disneyland. That is, if they did baptizin' in Disneyland.

Day 4: Mt. Tabor. Beth Shean. Saw Jericho. Jerusalem. Mt of Olives.

Day 5: Yad Vashem. Hezekiah's Tunnel. Garden Tomb.

Day 6: Western Wall. Masada. Qumran. Dead Sea. Had birthday.

I went back through time for this shot. Pay no attention to the discarded soda can in the photo. This is in Jerusalem. I actually kind of felt badly snapping this shot. While it captures an interesting juxtaposition of the old with the new, my time probably should have better been used helping the person to the right. I think I failed the "Trying to be like Jesus in Jerusalem" test. Stupid, touristy me.

Day 7: Garden of Gethsemane. Church at BYU Jerusalem Center at which I ran into my cousin. Small world in the church. Bethlehem. The Great Wall of Palestine/Israel, Bethlehem section. Old City tour.

I snapped this photo by the Garden of Gethsemane. I really like how the light was captured in the shot. I also like how there are little red flowers there and not just because red and green are my favorite colors. Me gusta verde y rojo. This place was beautiful to me. Very beautiful.

This is the wall outside of Bethlehem. I don't know about you, but I'm not a huge fan of gigantic concrete walls with graffiti on them separating one people from another people. Discuss.

Day 8: Flew to Cairo via Jordan. Egyptian museum. Ate by Nile. Very sleepy.

Day 9: Giza. Sakkura. Mohammad Ali Mosque. Shopping.

Giza. Pyramids. Sphinx. I rode a camel there. It did not spit on me. Pyramids are musty on the inside. I don't think I want to be entombed in a pyramid when I die. Please make note.

Here is the pyramid of Sakkura. Or something. As you can see, my vacation took me back through time when they were building the pyramid. Please notice the scaffolding that was so prevalent in use in ancient Egypt. You may also notice that the Egyptians should be actually credited with the first use of the green tarp. It was the best thing since sliced pita. Mmmm pita. Sorry I have issues with taking straight photos.

Day 10: Luxor. Valley of Kings. Al-deir Al-Bahari Temple/Hatshepsut Temple. Karnak Temple. Luxor Temple. Market.

Flew home. The flight/traveling was grueling. I'm not going to lie. The end.

Stuff I ate:

Hummus, Falafel, Schnitzel, Pita, Hummus, St Peter's Fish from the Sea of Galilee, Shawarma, Hummus, Ice cream, Gelato, Hummus, Dairy but no meat for breakfast, No dairy but meat for dinner, Hummus, McDonald's, Chocolate Croissant, Hummus, Tzatziki, Baklava, and Hummus. And also, they had hummus.

This is the St. Peter's Fish I ate.**

Pretty much, Jerusalem was on the goal list, completed, and very enjoyable. If you have the remote desire to see Israel, I suggest going. The following were my Top 5 activities of the whole trip:

1. Garden Tomb - It felt really, really nice and peaceful there.
2. Garden of Gethsemane - A place for deep reflection.
3. Hezekiah's Tunnel - Best. Tunnel. Ever.
4. Dead Sea - In which I had a Funniest Home Videos moment including dumping water on my own head.
5. Caesarea Philppi - We took a short hike there, and I was reminded of Agrippa's "Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian" because he had a palace there.

I went with Bountiful Travel. I can give a recommendation for that tour group. Good times were had by all. The real end.

*There was some kind of religious dignitary in town when we were going back to Tiberias. They had the main roads closed off, so we had to take a detour through Switzerland. The forest.

**Not pictured: Hummus.

Weird Stuff on TPIR #2

2010-07-07T23:53:00.004-06:00

Well, I don't want to just have this topic be my new blog. I really am going to update this for real sometime, but I just don't want to take the time to properly update it right now. So, I'm just going to add another weird thing from The Price Is Right.

Duct Tape Wallet, $20

I know that there are plenty of people out there who make perfectly useful things out of duct tape, such as prom dresses, duct tape baseballs, and patches for jeans. But what say you about a duct tape wallet for $20? Awesome? Weird? Cool, but not nearly as cool as Cash's Capri Sun purse? Discuss.

Weird Stuff on TPIR

2010-06-20T23:44:00.001-06:00

So... I've been watching The Price Is Right lately. If I had TV and if I had a DVR or Tivo, I would record The Price Is Right. But since I don't have it, I watch it online. (I would also save Jeopardy! and maybe, maybe The Wheel of Fortune.) Anyway, sometimes they have strange prizes on the show. And I decided that every so often I am going to post them here. Why? Because I want to share the oddness with you, my readers.

So, here we go:

Darth Vadar Alarm Clock, $42

Really? They made a Darth Vadar alarm clock? And it's $42? Would you buy it? Would you?

Bond Coolest Gadgets and Lairs

2010-06-11T06:00:00.011-06:00

Alright. This is the last one. I know. It's sad. But, I think it's hilarious. Sorry I didn't find the photos for the rest of them. I guess I'm too lazy about it. If I had the movies, that would be another story. Thanks, again, Cash and Tino. Enjoyable! Also, I have added some movies to my Netflix queue.

Coolest Gadgets

1. Poisoned knife in the shoe used by Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love

2. Flying jetpack as used by Bond in Thunderball

3. Underwater car used by Bond and Anya Amasova in The Spy Who Loved Me

4. Pipeline chute used to smuggle a defecting Russian outside the Iron Curtain in The Living Daylights

5. Little Nellie aka a mini-helicopter with ammunition that fits in a briefcase in You Only Live Twice

6. Elevator that shoots you into shark tank as demonstrated by Bond and Stromberg in Atlantis in The Spy Who Loved Me

7. The ghettoblaster as demonstrated in Q's laboratory in The Living Daylights

8. Milk bottle bombs used by Necros in The Living Daylights

9. Dr. No's fire-breathing tank that looks like a dragon in Dr. No

10. Dr. Kananga's trick coffins in Live and Let Die

11. Razor butterflies used by May Day in A View to a Kill

13. Q's walkie-talkie broom in Licence to Kill

14. A miniature motorboat disguised as a crocodile used by Bond to get to Octopussy's lair in Octopussy

Coolest lairs

1. Blofeld's volcano lair with trapdoor piranha pond in You Only Live Twice

2. Karl Stromberg's underwater lair Atlantis in The Spy Who Loved Me, including a getaway hatch stocked with caviar and champagne

3. The 45-degree-angled sunken ship used as MI6's Hong Kong headquarters in The Man with the Golden Gun

4. Scaramanga's island funhouse in The Man with the Golden Gun

5. Octopussy's Greek- and Indian-inspired island of beautiful women in Octopussy

6. Sanchez's cocaine factory/Aztec-inspired meditation camp in Licence to Kill

7. London's closed/condemned underground now used as Q's storage unit in Die Another Day

8. Goldfinger's country house that has a dungeon and furniture that revolves to reveal Operation Grand Slam in Goldfinger

9. Alec Trevelyan's underwater lair and immersed giant satellite in GoldenEye

10. Blofeld's cloning facility in Diamonds are Forever

Bond Theme Songs

2010-06-10T06:00:00.002-06:00

Years and years ago my roommate had a party at our house, and someone left a CD of Bond theme songs there. We had no idea who left it, and she even asked the people who attended the party if it were theirs. Nobody claimed it. I still have no idea who left it at the house, but I've certainly enjoyed listening to it. For all of you who do not have that CD, you may not be familiar with the songs, but I am. Anyway, enjoy the listing from best to worst! Thanks, again, Cash and Tino!

Bond Theme Songs

1. James Bond Theme by John Barry Orchestra originating in Dr. No but continuing in all subsequent movies
2. You Know My Name by Chris Cornell from Casino Royale
3. Live and Let Die by Paul McCartney and the Wings from Live and Let Die
4. Tomorrow Never Dies by Sheryl Crow from Tomorrow Never Dies
5. We Have All the Time In the World by Louis Armstrong and the John Barry Orchestra from On Her Majesty's Secret Service
6. The Living Daylights by a-ha from The Living Daylights
7. Another Way to Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys from Quantum of Solace
8. Diamonds Are Forever by Shirley Bassey from Diamonds Are Forever
9. A View to a Kill by Duran Duran from A View to a Kill
10. Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang by Shirley Bassey from Thunderball
11. Nobody Does it Better by Carly Simon from The Spy Who Loved Me
12. You Only Live Twice by Nancy Sinatra from You Only Live Twice
13. From Russia With Love by Matt Monro from From Russia With Love
14. Goldfinger by Shirley Bassey from Goldfinger
15. The World is Not Enough by Garbage from The World is Not Enough
16. GoldenEye by Tina Turner from GoldenEye
17. Die Another Day by Madonna from Die Another Day
18. All Time High by Rita Coolidge from Octopussy
19. For Your Eyes Only by Sheena Easton from For Your Eyes Only
20. The Man with the Golden Gun by Lulu from The Man With the Golden Gun
21. Moonraker by Shirley Bassey from Moonraker
22. Licence to Kill by Gladys Knight from Licence to Kill
23. Thunderball by Tom Jones from Thunderball

Bond Villains

2010-06-09T06:00:00.002-06:00

I like this one because some of the Bond villains are hilarious. I'm not sure if Jaws was the first gigantic evil henchman with the scary teeth, but that character has appeared in other movies since then. I'm thinking specifically of one of the Zorro movies and recently "Sherlock Holmes." Thanks, again, to Cash and Tino for this post.

Best Bond Villains

1. Lotte Lenya as Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love

2. Richard Kiel as Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker

3. Blofeld in so, so many, but mostly Donald Pleasence in You Only Live Twice and Telly Savalas in On Her Majesty's Secret Service

4. Gert Frobe as Auris Goldfinger in Goldfinger

5. Sean Bean as Alec Trevelyan in GoldenEye

6. Harold Sakata as Oddjob in Goldfinger

7. Andreas Wisniewski as Necros in The Living Daylights

8. Robert Shaw as Grant in From Russia with Love

9. Christopher Lee as Scaramanga in The Man with the Golden Gun

10. Herve Villechaize as Nick Nack in The Man with the Golden Gun

Worst Bond Villains

Bruce Glover as Mister Wint and Putter Smith as Mister Kidd in Diamonds are Forever

The gay stereotypes were insulting and their plot was never explained, thanks to an underwritten script and/or bad editing. I don't think the Bond franchise was ever as idiotic as when Sean Connery finally took out these two morons (on either a boat or an airplane, I can't remember which) at the end of the movie.

Jonathan Pryce as Elliott Carver in Tomorrow Never Dies

Jonathan Pryce could have fed a third world country for a month on all the scenery he chewed in this movie. It's so bad that Ted Turner and Rupert Murdoch (no doubt the two people upon who this character was loosely based) could have probably sued Pryce for defamation of character.

Mr. Kil in Die Another Day

This entry is based upon name alone. To be fair, his death by lasers was kinda rad.

Bond Girls

2010-06-08T06:00:00.000-06:00

Here is another installment in James Bond week, written by Cash with input from Tino:

Worst Bond Girls

1. Tanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton in A View to a Kill
-- She's like a Pussycat Doll: cast for her looks without regard to any actual talent.

2. Denise Richards as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World is Not Enough
-- Can anyone actually buy Denise Richards as a "nucular physicist" in hot pants? I didn't think so. The terrible script did her no favors, but really, my pinky finger would be more convincing in the role than Denise was in this movie.

3. Britt Eklund as Agent Mary Goodnight in The Man With the Golden Gun
-- Britt Eklund does nothing to make me believe that she is smarter than her dumb character (who is inexplicably a secret agent, despite the fact that she's totally helpless and gets in the way the whole movie.) Also, she has no pluck. She is certainly pretty, though. But can we really believe that a British agent would scream and run for cover when Nick Nack, a midget, jumps up and starts throwing wine around? I don't think so.

4. Corrine Clery as Corrine Dufour in Moonraker
-- Part of the problem is probably the language barrier, but a real actress could rise above it. (See Michelle Yeoh, for instance.) Instead, she's trapped in a thankless sacrificial role that ends when the villain sics his attack dogs on her.

5. Lana Wood as Plenty O'Toole in Diamonds are Forever
-- Lana, Alicia Silverstone called: She wants her lousy Southern accent and affectations back. Bad Southern/slangy accents are worse to me than bad British accents. And this one was BAD. And her character serves no purpose whatsoever beyond eye candy.

6. Angela Scoular as Ruby Barlett in On Her Majesty's Secret Service
-- Again, the character is slangy and annoying, but Bond beds her anyway. I actually felt bad for James instead of the girl, which is saying something, considering James is a walking STD. But in this case, I just wanted her to shut up.

7. Caroline Bliss as Miss Moneypenny in The Living Daylights
-- Miss Bliss was totally acceptable in Licence to Kill, but her few short scenes in The Living Daylights made me cringe even in comparison to Maryam D'Abo's rather bland Kara Milovy.

Best Bond Girls

1. Eva Green as Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale
-- Smart, witty, beautiful, great verbal and physical chemistry with Bond, and her part was perfectly played in a way that made the audience understand why Bond's heart was broken and why he developed his mantra: Trust no one.

2. Ursula Andress as Honey Ryder in Dr. No
-- OK, she's beautiful and athletic and she has love handles (small ones, but they're there). That's great in and of itself, but Honey Ryder stuck to her guns when she declared that the Crab Key dragon was real even when Bond mocked her for it. (He was right, but so was she.) Honey's no push-over. She carries a knife in her utility belt bikini, and when a man molested her as a teenager, she got her revenge by putting a black widow in his bed. "It took him eight days to die," she told Bond, showing no remorse. Rad.

3. Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore in Goldfinger
-- I found out after watching the movie that Pussy Galore is actually a lesbian, which is why she continually rebuffed Bond's initial sexual advances. He got her in the end, but then she saved his skin, as well as the skins of all of those who work at Fort Knox. She was the real hero of the movie. And I like the self-assured way she looked at Bond: That alone was enough to level their playing field.

4. Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin in Tomorrow Never Dies
-- She is a spy herself, so she can keep up with Bond in all his escapades. She even handcuffed him to a shower. She wears lockpick earrings, scales down buildings in cool (magnetic?) boots, and kicks the butts of all the bad guys with her marital arts training. And the real plus: Michelle can actually act! It's just a shame the script wasn't as good as her character.

5. Judi Dench as M in GoldenEye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day, Casino Royale, Quauntum of Solace
-- She has natural chemistry with both Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig, and her authoritative lines are perfectly delivered. A brilliant choice to play the head of Britain's Secret Service. I even like her in The World Is Not Enough, a movie that has little to like.

6. Carole Bouquet as Melina Havelock in For Your Eyes Only
-- Her husky voice, iconic legs, and yards of shining dark hair probably make the most memorable marks in this movie, but she keeps up with Bond and is determined to do her part in their hunt to take out her father's killers. She's an equal with Bond without being as physically menacing as some of the other great Bond girls. And I have to give her props for that, because, hey, I couldn't beat up five guys either, but I'd like to think I could keep up with Bond in determination and ingenuity.

7. Barbara Bach as Agent XXX Anya Amasova in The Spy Who Loved Me
-- She is also a spy, and she puts Bond in his (misogynist) place when she matches and betters him intellectually (and in other ways, too) in their assignment debriefing. She pulls off a convincing Russian accent and has the grace to hate James Bond for half of the movie.

8. Joie Vejjajiva and Qiu Yuen as Lt. Hip's nieces in The Man With the Golden Gun
-- When Bond gets himself stuck in a dojo whose occupants are all hell-bent on killing him, Lt. Hip's teenage nieces show up and take down the entire dojo with their kung fu expertise, no thanks to James Bond himself. Quite simply one of the best sequences in a Roger Moore movie.

9. Halle Berry as Jinx in Die Another Day
-- The script was bad (I have no idea who -- if anyone -- could pull off her rotten dialogue), but she brought some much-needed assuredness and physicality to the film. She elevated a pretty bad movie and deserved better than what she got. I saw this movie shortly after I saw X-Men and I assure you, Jinx kicks Storm's butt.

10. Blanche Ravalec as Jaws' girlfriend Dolly in Moonraker
-- In a campy movie so bad it was almost good, Dolly marked the pinnacle of cheese. Fortunately, I accepted it and now acknowledge it as a brilliant casting decision. Additionally, Jaws and Dolly are like Ricky Smith and his girlfriend in Better Off Dead, a movie that must have stolen its meet-cute from this one.

11. Gemma Arterton as Agent Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace
-- Gemma was stuck in the thankless role of secondary Bond girl who dies near the beginning or middle of the film: like Rosie in Live and Let Die, Paris in Tomorrow Never Dies, both Masterson sisters in Goldfinger, Corrine Clery in Moonraker, and Caterina Murino in Casino Royale, to name just a few. The difference here is that Gemma brought an unusual amount of emotion to the otherwise quiet role. The character's brave act and spunk at a key moment offset her quiet personality perfectly. I actually cared and mourned for her Agent Fields when the villains killed her, coated her in oil, and left her black body on Bond's bed. It's not easy to make me care about a Bond girl, especially such a minor one, but I cared (albeit briefly) for this one. To quote M: She didn't deserve to die like that.

Simultaneously Scary and Awesome

Famke Jannsen as Xenia Onatopp in GoldenEye
-- Her sexual fetish is killing men while making love to them. She likes to squeeze them to death with her strong thighs. Frightening. She also screams all the time. Scary. Her eyes pierce like a laser and her death is pretty gruesome, and is no more than she deserved.

Grace Jones as May Day in View to a Kill
-- May Day seems to get a sexual charge out of beating up men, too. Plus, she's ultra-toned, pretty tall, wears angular clothes, has a buzz cut, and wears violent, angled make-up. And when Christopher Walken's Zorin leaves her to die, she turns on him and sacrifices herself to help Bond save the day. Yep: scary but awesome.

Bond Movies Ranked

2010-06-07T06:00:00.005-06:00

So, remember how I told you that I love it when my sister Cash does my posts for me? Yeah, well, I continue to love it. This is priceless. It's like a whole week of posts from one e-mail. So, Cash and her husband, Tino, watched all of the James Bond movies. And with some of Tino's input, Cash wrote up this awesome... analysis, which should earn her a PhD in Film. Or something. So, here are the Bond movies ranked. Enjoy! And if you don't want to read these James Bond things, don't check back for a week. I have four more Bond posts coming, thanks to Tino and Cash.

*****

1. Thunderball

This movie represents what makes Bond iconic. It has Sean Connery at his most charming; thrilling action sequences; Blofeld at his cat-petting, vindictive best; a truly dangerous mission with dire consequences; several beautiful women (sadly, they're not the most memorable Bond girls, but they also have nothing to be ashamed of); and a groundbreaking underwater fight scene that today is still thrilling but sometimes hilarious. The biggest flaws are some occasional bad editing and '60s-era sexual behavior that today would border on criminality. But how can you not love the movie that brought us James Bond wearing a jetpack?

2. Casino Royale

Daniel Craig in Casino Royale redefined James Bond for the 21st Century. The throwback to Bond's origin as 007 was a brilliant decision to show us how and why Bond learned to enjoy and dispose women and to never trust anyone. The black-and-white opening sequence was gritty and the parkour brought a new cool factor to an action genre that today is often hindered by CGI. Craig's Bond is both funny (see the torture scene) and serious without falling into the camp of Pierce Brosnan's later movies or the sour attitude that Timothy Dalton gave to his Bond. Craig's verbally and pectorally splendid Bond has masterfully underdelivered wordplay with M and Vesper Lynd that hit all the right notes. And as for Eva Green's Vesper, well, you never had to guess why Bond loved her. The downside: It's a bit too confusing, a bit too long, and there was no Q.

3. You Only Live Twice

You Only Live Twice is much like From Russia With Love: Its high points are delectable (Bond's fake death, "Little Nellie" aka the helicopter in a briefcase, Blofeld's volcano lair, Bond becoming a Japanese man, Blofeld's trap door over a piranha pond, a minirocket concealed inside a cigarette), but some slow pacing, uncomfortably chauvinist attitudes (even for Bond in the '60s), and unmemorable Bond girls bring the whole movie down a hair. At least the speaking Asian characters were actually played by Asians in this picture, in contrast to Dr. No.

4. GoldenEye

GoldenEye is far and away Pierce Brosnan's best Bond movie. The double entendres and dumb puns were kept mostly at a minimum in the script, and Brosnan has a naturally suave persona that helps in his delivery. The villains -- Sean Bean's Alec Trevelyan and Famke Janssen's Xenia Onatopp -- are two of the meatiest in the Bond archives. They actually seem like Bond's equals rather than their obvious inferiors (see every other Brosnan Bond villain). Robbie Coltrane's Russia mafia man and his country-western-singing Russia mistress, Irina (played hilariously by a then-unknown Minnie Driver), also added some fun to the journey. This movie introduced Judi Dench as M, and what a killer idea that was! Brosnan and Dench had some great chemistry in their scenes together. The movie almost never lags, but then it also commits a fatal flaw of forcing Bond to address his destructive ways in a super-serious way. Brosnan whispers to Izabella Scorcupo's Natalia that he has to keep killing and bedding women because it's the only thing that keeps him sane and alive. Terrible. Bond doesn't have soul-searching moments and even if he did, he wouldn't acknowledge them to his disposable lovely girl. Ah, well. I guess I should just take consolation in Bond's truly awesome tank chase through Moscow and the utterly preposterous cold open where he jumps of a cliff and somehow catches up to a falling, careening airplane.

5. From Russia With Love

From the tense opening Spectre assassin training scene in the topiary to Rosa Klebb's poisoned knife in the shoe to a claustrophobic fight on a train to some beautiful locales to a fiery, explosive boat chase, From Russia With Love has a lot to love. Unfortunately, it also has some slower, unnecessary plot devices (the gypsy sequence, the sex film) that bog down the pace of an otherwise jaunty Bond film. Daniela Bianchi's Tatiana is undeniably lovely, but her character is both underwritten and underdeveloped.

6. Dr. No

Dr. No clearly had a smaller budget than other Bonds, and it is a little less thrilling because of it. It has one of the smallest build-ups to a climax that I've ever scene. Honey Ryder is absolutely wonderful, though, and the music is plucky and playful. The movie is definitely stuck in 1962 for several reasons:

1. All the speaking Asian characters are quite obviously portrayed by non-Asians.

2. Dr. No has a nuclear power plant to his scheme to somehow blow up a NASA space shuttle. Bond's mission is to thwart this, of course, and he manages to do that by ... causing a nuclear meltdown. Yes, you read that right. Obviously the moviemakers did not realize at the time that a nuclear meltdown of that magnitude would have actually been a much bigger disaster than an exploding space shuttle.

3. There are some uncomfortable racial issues throughout the movie.

Still, it's Bond at his beginning and it's awfully fun to watch, if only to see the iconic John Barry 007 music played for a scene so meaningless as Bond checking into his hotel room.

7. Goldfinger

I know that Goldfinger is generally considered the best Bond movie ever, but I have too many misgivings. I absolutely praise the movie for it's many positive points: Pussy Galore's moxie, Goldfinger dipping the traitorous Jill Masterson in gold after she beds Bond, the plot to takeover Fort Knox, Oddjob and his awesome razor hat, Goldfinger's death from getting sucked out of a broken window in an airplane, Goldfinger strapping Bond to a table and aiming a laser to take out Bond's genitals, and my favorite exchange ever between Bond and a villain:

Bond: "Do you expect me to talk?"

Goldfinger: "No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

But there is too much frustrating stuff in the movie for me to overlook. Like the fact that Bond completely misuses his cool Q-ified car -- he totally could have gotten away from Goldfinger's henchmen if he'd have used it better. And all the scenes that followed Bond's homing beacon were wasted when that storyline dead-ended at the junkyard. The worst was watching the climax at Fort Knox. I remember yelling at the television because all the characters were acting so stupidly. "Why are you doing that? Go stop the bomb!?!"

8. The Spy Who Loved Me

Let's admit it: This movie is about 20 minutes too long and a better editor could and should have trimmed it nicely into a jaunty 100-minute movie. However, that's my biggest complaint. Now let's talk about the good stuff. For instance, this is the film that introduced the world to Jaws, who along with Darth Vader, was one of my most feared movie villains as a child. Metal teeth was a stroke of genius. KGB Agent Anya Amasova was smart, wily, beautiful, and she let Bond know she was all of those things. The Egyptian, Sardinian, Austrian, and underwater scenery was gorgeous. The action was tame compared to today's standards, but it didn't lag until the end. Now let's talk about the cool gadgets, like the underwater car, the villain's underwater lair with an elevator that shoots its occupants into a shark tank and a dinner table with a gun installed beneath it in case a diner wanted to shoot another one. The main villain, Stromberg, is not memorable, but how can one complain about a movie where Jaws bites a shark?

9. For Your Eyes Only

I think the Bond franchise was trying to distance itself from Moonraker as soon as possible. That's why this movie, which directly followed Moonraker, laid out its tone immediately in the cold open. This Bond wouldn't have a laser fight in space. Instead, it would start by finally letting Bond avenge his wife's death by hijacking Blofeld's own remote control helicopter and using it to drop Blofeld into a smokestack. Shortly thereafter, Bond kicked a villain's car over a cliff. Believe me, Roger Moore never looked like a bada** until this movie. Not that Moore kept it up (although scaling a cliff to get to the villain's monastery lair came pretty close), but it was a revelation all the same. The movie suffers from some nonsensical actions, of course, but the chattering parrot, the evil Olympic biathlete, and Melina Havelock raise the film quite a bit. I got the creeps when Lynn-Holly Johnson's teenage figure skater Bibi Dahl tried to seduce the 31-years-older Bond, but thankfully it was only one (maybe two) short scene(s). And that scene where James and Melina get tied together and dragged behind a motorboat? Totally intense. Too bad their escape was far too convenient.

10. The Man with the Golden Gun

This movie began with The Ultimate Game in the villain's island fun house lair. You can predict the end of the movie from a mile away, of course, but getting there is pretty good fun. I mean, MI6's Hong Kong headquarters is in a partially sunken ship in Kowloon harbor. The entire thing is at a 45-degree angle and it makes for some awesome visuals. When Bond's false nipple doesn't trick a Chinese mafioso, he finds himself completely weaponless and helpless inside a dojo, and two teenage girls break him out by kicking serious kung fu caboose. Christopher Lee couldn't possibly fail as a villain (and he doesn't) and his midget sidekick, Nick Nack, is pretty funny, as is the reappearance of Sheriff J.W. Pepper, who is implausibly vacationing in China among all the "pointy-headed" natives to whom he slings innumerable racial slurs (like the quoted one). The biggest downside of the movie is that the Bond girls are both kind of duds.

11. Quantum of Solace

The movie begins with some intense action sequences that made me feel like the glass shards were going to come through the screen and pierce me. The scene when Bond eavesdropped on Quantum's secret Bluetooth conversations during a performance of Tosca was both exhilarating and masterfully edited. Daniel Craig's Bond was still wittily and grittily underperformed, Agent Fields and her death were both surprisingly poignant and reminiscent of Goldfinger, and, of course, Judi Dench's M was fantastic. But the movie suffers greatly from a plot that is twice as confusing as Casino Royale's already twisty story, and it was punctuated with far too little levity. Plus, do you remember that the South American desert government compound was powered by the far-too convenient fuel cells? Well, a movie-savvy 4-year-old could see where that one was going from a mile away, and getting there wasn't nearly enough fun.

12. The Living Daylights

The first 30 minutes of this movie are positively thrilling. In the cold open, Bond takes out an assassin who infiltrated a British agent training exercise. In the next scene, Bond hijacks another agent's mission by injuring a would-be sniper and smuggling a defecting Russian official via an oil pipeline (with the help of a busty engineer). Immediately following that, Necros, the villain's secret weapon, kidnaps the defected Russian right back from under MI6's nose. And Bond's time in Q's laboratory is all fun. But then the movie slows down and gets rather boring with only a few random highlights: like John Rhys-Davies' few scenes, Bond's fight with Necros on the cargo net of the airplane, and Kamron's men popping out of the Afghan terrain. But Kara Milovy is rather helpless, she and Bond have little chemistry, and Timothy Dalton's Bond has zero sense of humor. The bottom line is that the movie never lives up to the promise of the rather extraordinary start.

13. Live and Let Die

I know enough to suspend my disbelief in Bond movies, but I don't like the mysticism involved with the voodoo and tarot cards at the heart of this movie. And while that bothers me, I think my biggest problem with the movie is that I never thought that this assignment was worth Bond's time. I mean, it was a drug lord who was trying to take over the heroin market of American drug dealers. Um, OK? Bond's best buddy, CIA Agent Felix Leiter, should have been heading everything, but he's always making Bond do his dirty work. But while the overall plot did not interest me, I rather like some of the details. I love the fake funeral, trick coffins, revolving walls, trap door tables, the jive-talking, Bond's hopscotching on alligators, and Bond's motorboat chase with the baddies and bigoted Sheriff J.W. Pepper throughout the Louisiana bayous. Unfortunately, the excellent parts don't add up to a satisfying whole.

14. Tomorrow Never Dies

Michelle Yeoh's Chinese Agent Wai Lin kicks major, major butt. And the chase/motorcycle scene where she and Bond are handcuffed together is pretty thrilling. Teri Hatcher's Paris Carver had good chemistry with Pierce Brosnan's Bond. So the women in this movie are the definite high points. However, their charms and talents are almost totally wasted on perhaps the stupidest plot of any Bond movie. Jonathon Pryce's scenery-chewing media magnate's plan to start World War III so he can report on it is downright ludicrous. This is easily the most frustrating movie of all the Bonds because Michelle Yeoh and Teri Hatcher brought their A games to a C movie.

15. License to Kill

First thing: The sound on this movie is pretty terrible for a film made in 1989. I was embarrassed for it. Now that we've got that major (and I mean MAJOR) distraction out of the way, let's discuss everything else. First of all, I thought the storyline was actually pretty brilliant, and I love that 007 went rogue to avenge Felix's attempted murder by shark as planned by a Central American drug lord. (Aside: Why are there so many sharks in Bond movies?) And the drug lord's cocaine lab disguised as an Aztecan meditation camp was genius. However, Timothy Dalton's Bond in this movie is positively sour. Q brings (all too briefly) the only much-needed levity to the film. The acting isn't very good (I suspect the director is mostly at fault for it), and the dialog has its share of problems, too. Bond and Carey Lowell's Pam Bouvier have this same exchange every 5 minutes: "You need to go." "I want to help." "It's too dangerous." "I can handle it." "No. You need to go." It gets annoying fast. One must-see: all of the hideous late '80s cocktail dresses on display in the drug lord's hotel. Hilarious ... but it's not enough to make up for an otherwise humorless Bond movie.

16. On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The most touching moment of perhaps any Bond movie is at the end of this one, when Blofeld drives by a just-married James Bond and Mafia heiress Tracy Di Vicenzo and kills poor Tracy. It's absolutely crushing, and the movie sells it well with George Lazenby's affecting performance and John Barry and Louis Armstrong's awesome, ironic theme song We Have All the Time in the World. But after this touching moment, I felt cheated. I felt cheated because I never really knew why Bond finally settled down with this woman. Why this one? My first thought is naturally the savior complex. Bond loves saving girls, and he saved Tracy from drowning herself at the beginning of the movie. But why did he love her and not the scores of other beautiful women he saved? The movie never really let me know. And I don't blame Diana Rigg. Her Tracy was altogether beautiful and charming. But so are many of the other Bond girls. And she had plenty of chemistry with George Lazenby's Bond. But a lot of other Bond girls had chemistry with their leading men. I think the script is at fault for underdeveloping this crucial relationship. And the plot was ludicrous and really came to naught. Yes, Blofeld's lair in the Alps was impressive, and there were some great skiing scenes, but the editing was atrocious, the pacing was glacial, the real plot didn't start for 50 minutes, the whole villainous scheme was anticlimactic, and, again, I never understood why Bond cared so much about Tracy. That's the real flaw. That and putting Bond in a kilt and trying to pass him off as a genealogical expert. Um, worst disguise ever?

17. Die Another Day

Oh, my gosh. this was one of the most disappointing Bond movies EVER. The cold open was pretty good, what with Bond surfing into North Korea, hijacking a hovercraft, chasing militants to the demilitarized zone, and getting captured as a prisoner of war. But then Bond was released and the movie went downhill. Are we really supposed to believe that Bond can just will himself into cardiac arrest and then out of it at a moment's notice so he can then beat up and incapacitate a whole medical facility of British workers? Things picked up a handful of times in the movie, like during Bond's meeting with Q and M in the deserted London Underground/Q storage area, and when Bond's fencing match gets out of hand at a British club. But everything else was ludicrous, campy, groan-worthy and stupid. Where shall I start? The invisible car? The awful CGI on Bond's windsurfing scene in Iceland? The positively horrible puns and double entendres that littered an already crappy script? Making Halle Berry's Jinx stop mid-lovemaking to pull out a knife and fig from who knows where to eat it before she gives Bond another go? A villain named Mr. Kil? Ah, there are too many things to mention. Let's forget this one happened, all right? (P.S. Cardine, I chose a picture with Madonna in it just for you.)

18. Moonraker

This is by far the cheesiest of all the Bond movies. Jaws gets a pig-tailed girlfriend half his height, a Bond girl gets killed by attacking dogs (ha!), the villain shoots himself in the foot all the time by drawing more attention to his evil plans right in front of Bond's nose, but he refuses to kill Bond outright. Really, if the villain wanted to be undetected, he could have done it but instead he's just a moron. I mean, we all know there will be some monologuing by Bond villains, but this was the worst. The laser fight in space is stupid, as are the miniskirts in space. And Roger Moore's Bond has zero chemistry with Lois Chiles' CIA Agent Holly Goodhead. (Is this the worst name for a Bond girl or does that title go to Pussy Galore? Discuss.) Really, the whole thing is so bad it's almost good. Almost.

19. Diamonds Are Forever

The biggest problem with this movie is that when it was done, Justin and I had to look up the plot so we could figure out exactly what was going on. I blame the editors. Their responsibility is to make sure the movie makes sense. And they absolutely failed here. Example: Bond is sneaking through a desert laboratory outside of Las Vegas when suddenly the movie cuts to a scene of astronauts on the moon (it turns out to be a moon-like training facility ... I think). What?!? There had been no mention of the moon, space travel, or anything like that at all in the movie, and this was probably past the 1-hour mark. And then nothing else comes of the moon or the astronauts. What the heck, Diamonds Are Forever? I'm guessing this existed primarily so Bond could hijack a lunar module and drive it through the Nevada desert, but c'mon editors (or writers), you've got to set it up better than that. And Sean Connery looks positively ancient in this movie, and he really isn't. He should have packed it in with You Only Live Twice. That would have been a strong ending note. But let's talk about the positives, shall we? Tiffany Case has a home fingerprint analysis screen in 1971, Las Vegas was totally different in 1971 than it is today and it was fun to notice all the differences, Blofeld had an awesome penthouse apartment on a casino that Bond scaled, Blofeld had a cloning facility, and, well, that's about it. OK, the song's pretty good, but it's not enough to redeem this dud.

20. A View to a Kill

You would think that Grace Jones and Christopher Walken as Bond villains would prevent the movie from being awful, but you would be wrong. Roger Moore is so old that I worried about his arthritic body when he started throwing punches. I like the finale with the zeppelin by Golden Gate bridge, but it didn't make up for the rest of the movie of Bond following or dragging around Tanya Roberts' positively horribly acted Stacey Sutton. The worst part was when Bond made her a quiche. A quiche! What were the writers thinking? I commend them for one scene, though, and one scene only. Walken and his henchmen knock out Bond, put him in a car, and roll it into a lake. Bond wakes up just in time and is able to escape detection by sucking water out of his car's tire valves. Nice. But not nice enough.

21. Octopussy

Well, the idea of having an all-woman crime syndicate based out of a Greek/Indian island lair was a good one, but the execution was underwhelming to say the least. And Bond totally forces himself on Octopussy, which was totally out of line, even for the early '80s. Plus, Bond chose the stupidest way ever to escape an enemy fortress by revealing himself when he was hidden. Thankfully, the evil henchmen were even dumber and chose to pursue Bond on elephants instead of their Jeeps which were already running and right there! Plus, the plot never made a ton of sense and I never really knew why the ultimate villains were trying to set off the bomb. Also: Roger Moore was too old. He should have stopped after For Your Eyes Only. Please, skip this one. Believe me.

22. The World is Not Enough

This is yet another Bond movie with a thrilling cold open that never makes good on its initial premise. The bombs, boat chase, and exploding hot air balloon all before the opening credits rolled were high-octane and well-shot. But the rest of the movie suffered from a cheesy/campy script, two terrible actresses (NOT Sophie Marceau and Judi Dench, who were fine, considering) and a character named Dr. Molly Warmflash. And can anyone actually buy Denise Richards as a "nucular physicist" in hot pants? I didn't think so. Plus, the CGI graphics in the oil pipeline were pretty bad.

Updated Travel Maps

2010-06-03T18:30:00.006-06:00

Well, I guess I'm all about the updating on my blog from previous posts. I haven't updated my maps of the U.S. or the world yet, so here is an update. I'm doing pretty well. I can't imagine that I will ever feel like there's no place that I would like to go. I mean, I love home and very frequently don't feel like going anywhere, but I guess I always have places that I would find interesting to visit someday. There are so many cool places to see. The world is amazing. People are amazing. There is so much to learn.

Okay, so here is the U.S.:

create your own personalized map of the USA

Not too shabby. I've been to 46/50 states, plus Washington D.C. I've lived in 7 states of the 50. Naturally, that has been part of the reason I've been to so many states. I've lived by both coasts, by the southern border, and in the middle. I guess it's easy, logistically when that's been your life. I'm not sure when I'll make it to the rest of the states, but hopefully someday the opportunities will turn up in my life to visit these places.

Here's my world map:

create your own visited country map

It says I've been to 25 countries*, but I'm not positive I would count some of the places as separate countries. I need to brush up on my current government structures. I think some are territories of other countries, etc. Ah well, for the sake of this map, it has the red in the right places. I also went to Macau before its handover to China in 1999, but I suppose that's in red, already. Also, I didn't count any places I had layovers on this map, whereas I did on my previous map.

When I travel or look at this map, it really amazes me how little of the world I've seen. It makes me feel small and insignificant, yet strangely significant in this vast world. It's huge, and I'm small, but the things I do actually matter.

I think that I would like to sometime do a map of the countries where someone in my immediate family has visited. I think that would be interesting to see how much we've covered as a family. My parents, of course, would add a ton of countries to the map. I'm not even sure I know all of the countries they've visited. I feel lucky to have had so many opportunities to travel. Even on my trip to New Mexico last weekend, it really hit me how lucky I am to be able to travel like I do. To even have left my own state is going farther than probably the majority of the world population has gone. If you're reading this, just realize how rich and how blessed you are and please, count your blessings.

*"Countries" I added on this map: Canada, United States, Mexico, Barbados, Honduras, Saint Lucia, Puerto Rico, Virgin Islands, Belize, Dominica, Peru, Egypt, Belgium, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Netherlands, Norway, Poland, Russia, Sweden, United Kingdom, China, and Israel. (They had Palestinian Authority... I'm not sure what that's supposed to be. I've been to Bethlehem, which is under Palestinian rule. Does that count?)

List of Goals II

2010-05-21T19:00:00.003-06:00

Well, it's been over a year and a half since I've updated my goal list. I don't actually feel compelled or pressured in any way to keep it updated on here, but I'm just doing this for myself so I can mark off some items that have been accomplished and add more stuff to the list. So, I hope you enjoy lurking into my life a little.

Goals Accomplished:

1. Read an entire Ensign - I have added this to my mental perpetual goal list for the conference edition and will try to do this every six months. I also want to be better at browsing the monthly editions.
2. Build a kite & fly it - It was a crappy 99 cent kite, but I do believe I am going to count it.
3. Become a "True T-bird" - What a relief. I'm so glad to get this one off the list.
4. Own a widescreen TV - I like it. It's nice to have.
5. Own a house - Well, I am in debt now, and it's a townhome, but I am still happy about my choice to buy it. It was the perfect timing for me.
6. Do endowments in another language (preferably Spanish) - This one was inadvertent. I arrived just in time for the session and then realized that most people were wearing headphones. It was a Spanish session. Good thing I understood it.
7. Take a hula class - I didn't take a hula class, but I did take a belly dancing class, and it was enjoyable. If they do it again this summer, I would like to do it again. I'm counting this as a successful goal accomplishment, and I'm keeping the hula class on my goal list, too.
8. Go to all 50 states - I went to Montana. I was there for approximately 15 minutes eating a huckleberry ice cream cone purchased there, so I'm counting it. Especially since I went for the purpose of marking it off my list. I still have 4 left, though.
9. Go to Africa - I went to Egypt, which, if you didn't know, is in Africa.
10. Go to Jerusalem - Enjoyable. I'll do a post (with photos) about this later!
11. Get up and walk the treadmill before work for a whole week - I think I got up and exercised before work when I would spontaneously wake up early after I got back from Europe in January. It didn't last, and I'm not sure it was actually for a whole week, so... partially counted. I'm going to keep this one on the list. Progress has been made, though.

So, 11 of my long-term goals have been somewhat accomplished. Yay for me! I also have done some things that weren't on my goal list but that maybe should have been, such as:

1. Ride in a hot air balloon - That was awesome.
2. Go through a band break-up - It's all part of the band experience.
3. Climb up the Western Wall in Jerusalem, hike Hezekiah's Tunnel, go in an Egyptian pyramid... well, there are lots on here that I will detail in my Israel/Egypt trip post.
4. Successfully make red curry, mango sticky rice, and the discovery of bacon-wrapped jalapenos. Also, making my own salsa for the first time. And even though it wasn't too spicy, it was actually tasty.
5. Go four-wheeling - It was enjoyable. I had fun with the guy I went with, too. He should get bonus points in heaven for that one, especially since we're pretty incompatible. Nice guy, though.
6. Try bacon-flavored cupcakes - Bacon in cupcakes actually works alright. The only problem is that I'm not really a maple fan.
7. Go to England/Belgium/The Netherlands/France - I didn't do the making out on the streets of Paris as was suggested in my last post, but I guess I could do that next time I'm there. Okay, so I'm not planning to go there again ever, but I could find myself in the area someday. Who knows? But I did do a lot of stuff on that trip that was awesome like eat Christmas pudding in the Crypt, survive the New Years metro in Paris, see Wicked, etc.
8. Buy awesome kitchen knives - This is one of those things where you don't realize what you were missing until you got them. I love my knives.
9. Make pretty curtains - I am proud of them because I didn't use a pattern, I made them in just a couple of hours, and I don't hate them. It's really an accomplishment for me to sew something that I don't really hate.
10. Cook a turkey - I should probably try to do this one a little better next time. At least I got a thermometer for my birthday, so now I will know the temperature of it!
11. Make food for myself for dinner for Jan - Apr so that I eat well during those months and don't just get lazy and eat junk/boxed stuff. I did a really good job with this one this year, and I would like to pat myself on the back for that one. I just need to keep it up now.
12. Watch a claymationy movie and enjoy it ... mostly - I watched "The Corpse Bride" with some friends and made it through relatively unscathed. I didn't have any nightmares about it, and was only tolerably bothered by the animation. This is success!
13. Get a pedicure - I actually really, really liked it. Note to self: do not turn into that lady from the Baltic cruise who got pedicures every week and seemed kind of shallow.

Now, to update my current list of someday goals:

1. Eat brains
2. Learn how to knit
3. Learn how to crochet
4. Learn how to weave
5. Be able to play all of the hymns well
6. Make the shot in pool where there's four balls that go in different pockets
7. Get above 150 points in bowling (I may have actually done this one; I can't remember)
8. Try on lace-up pants (preferably leather)
9. Go on a walk with my sweetie's hand in my back pocket & mine in theirs (yes, totally awkward...and I kind of can't see myself doing this...reconsidering...)
10. Make out at the 'C'
11. Eat by myself at a restaurant
12. Go to the birthday ball and dance
13. Go latin dancing
14. Go to an NBA game
15. Go to a Monday Night Football game
16. Go on The Price Is Right
17. Take a hula class
18. Go surfing
19. Go to all 50 states (I still lack Alaska, North Dakota, Hawaii, Rhode Island)
20. Go to Australia
21. Get up and exercise before work for a whole week
22. Go sky diving (still a lesser goal)
23. Go bungee jumping (still a lesser goal)
24. Go to a Red Sox game in Boston
25. Learn how to play all of the primary songs well
26. Figure out the Rubik's Cube
27. Read all of the Jane Austen canon
28. Write something cool - I'm going to have to figure out exactly what my goal is here, but I'm forming one, and I have a few ideas.
29. Get a manicure
30. Go to IKEA and eat some Swedish food there
31. Go on the entire length of the Canyon Trail in one trip
32. Ride in a helicopter for fun
33. Fly (steer) a plane
34. Go to Lagoon

I have other goals, but some of them are more short-term. And I know there are some that I've mentally made but haven't added to the list. This is good enough for now for my blog, though. Thanks for reading.

I Had A Birthday; Shout Hooray!

2010-05-06T21:26:00.004-06:00

Cash is always so great. I was out of the country on a trip, and since she is humorous and I like to let her blog for me, this is what she wrote in an e-mail to me for my birthday:

*****

Great things happen at age 32.

When Harriet Tubman was 32, she helped rescue slaves through the Underground Railroad.

When Francisco Vasquez de Coronado was 32, he was on his exploration for El Dorado and he spent the winter in a village that later turned into Bernalillo, New Mexico.

When Meriweather Lewis was 32, he was on a groundbreaking expedition of the unknown western United States with William Clark and Sacagawea.

When Audrey Hepburn was 32, she starred in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

When Harper Lee was 32, she was in the process of writing To Kill a Mockingbird.

When Michael Jordan was 32, he came out of retirement to lead the Chicago Bulls to a record 72-win season (as well as the next three NBA titles).

When J.K. Rowling was 32, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was first published.

When Tina Fey was 32, she was Saturday Night Live's first female head writer.

When Alexander the Great was 32, he died ... after having conquered most of the "civilized" world.

When Thomas Edison was 32, he perfected his invention of the incandescent lamp (aka the light bulb).

The following celebrities are also 32: James Franco, tennis champion Tommy Haas, Ashton Kutcher (sorry), Olympic gold medalist (and BYU alumnus) Ryan Millar, Liv Tyler (he-he), Jon Heder, Brittany Murphy (or would be if she were still alive), and, my favorite, Creep Creepersin,

And finally, four out of 10 women feel most beautiful at age 32.

*****

I'm feeling pretty good to be 32. Thanks for the fun e-mail, Cash.

15 Signs That I Should Invite People Over More Often

2010-03-29T22:49:00.003-06:00

1. I still have fruity life savers in my candy dish. I have had them for months.
2. Generally, I have no idea if my guest bathrooms are clean.
3. Last week when I was taking out the trash in my guest bathrooms, I checked, and there was no water left in the toilet bowls because they hadn't been flushed in so long.
4. My house smells like curry-flavored garbage now because I hadn't taken out the kitchen garbage since I made food on Saturday. There was hardly anything in the garbage bag.
5. I don't remember the last time I vacuumed.
6. I have a shower that has only been used once. Maybe twice.
7. I still have nothing hanging on my walls, and I wonder if I should ever put anything there.
8. I have started to think of my house as one big bedroom.
9. My social skills are waning.
10. I have a bed that has never been slept in. Since I got it, anyway. (It was previously-used.)
11. My couches haven't been sufficiently broken in.
12. I haven't met some of my neighbors since they've moved in.
13. I ate almost the whole bag of Easter candy I bought.
14. I wear sporty shorts around with no bra and a crappy t-shirt well before bedtime.
15. I am blogging at 11 p.m. because I'm a little bored.

Trip List. With Pictures!

2010-03-15T22:43:00.006-06:00

I think I was hoping that Julie would blog about the trip because somehow I wouldn't feel obligated to do so, even though I spent about 11 days without her. Oh well. I'm a slacker. What can I say?

When I travel outside the U.S., I like to check out the snacks that other countries provide. I especially like to see if they have same different flavors of Lays potato chips. Well, in England, our first stop, Dub and I got a variety of snack foods:

I'm pretty sure Lays and Walkers are the same thing. They have the same design, so that's my assumption. I didn't really care too much for the Prawn Cocktail, but the Smoky Bacon flavor was alright. In reality, I am a slave to plain potato chips and tolerate flavored kinds, but you've gotta try them when they're Prawn Cocktail-flavored, right?

Turkish Delights: Vile. Even covered in chocolate. Rose water is vile. I had tried them before, but somehow I had forgotten exactly how bad they are.

Dub got the trifle sponges to make trifle. I haven't had any.

The Apple & Blackcurrant Pies were exceedingly good. It wasn't false advertising. Seriously, exceedingly good.

Highlights to England:

-The lamb dish we got at the Paradise Indian Restaurant
-Being mistaken a few times for locals
-Our 2' x 2' shower with the curtain that cut across it
-Kensington Park and Hyde Park

-Visiting the Science Museum & Natural History Museum
-Church at the Spanish/Portugese branch in which they alternated languages for the hymns, talks, and prayers
-Eating Christmas Pudding at the Cafe in the Crypt of St. Martin in the Fields
-Going to a Christmas program at Westminster
-Abraham Lincoln statue
-Windsor Castle and sub-par fish 'n' chips
-Stonehenge

-Cornish pasties and white chocolate at a cafe in Bath
-Getting stuck in traffic for 3 - 4 hours and watching "Casino Royale" on my mp3 player 1 inch screen
-The Tower of London & the Crown Jewels
-Eurostar breaking down, and being "stuck" in London an extra night
-Front row seats to "Wicked" because we were "stuck"

Highlights of Visit with Mom and Dad:

-Meeting up and spending time with Mom and Dad (and Snake, my brother)
-Eating chocolate
-Having time to go to the Christmas markets in Valkenburg and deciding that the best Nativity scene could be purchased at Chievres Air Base and buying it there instead
-Going to the State Archives in Mons and seeing a document dating back to 965 AD that had the biggest seal EVER.
-Also, I really appreciated the glass-work at the archives; I can't even explain how cool it was
-Going to Waterloo and eating frites with curry ketchup

-CHRISTMAS!
-Spending time with family and eating chocolate
-Those popular small Santas hanging from people's windows
-Rubbing the monkey's head for luck at Le Grand Place in Mons
-Buying chocolate and synthetic diamonds in Bruges and seeing the Madonna by Michaelangelo
-Church at the English/French branch
-Even more spending time with family and eating chocolate
-Reading Harry Potter and playing Rook
-Going to Calais and seeing the White Cliffs of Dover from the lighthouse
-Driving to Dunkerque and hearing about the "Miracle at Dunkerque"
-Seeing the windmills at Kinderdijk

-Driving to the temple in Hague

-Het Loo Palais (it was crazy gigantic)
-Buying andalouse sauce to eat in the states with french fries

Highlights in Paris:

-Quickly learning to not smile at guys unless I blah blah blah blah... (that was for you, Sarah)
-Walking to our hotel and having Julie yell to me from the window of her room and finding out that she had exceeded my expectations in finding guys
-The day we went to what seemed like a million museums, including Arc de Triomphe

-Riding the disk with Julie in the yard at Notre Dame
-Dub, Julie and I riding a random carousel with the kids
-Surviving the metro at New Years
-Ringing in the New Year at Trocadero with a great view of the Eiffel Tower and an underwhelming display of no celebration, except the guy setting off fireworks next to us who had one backfire
-Julie kissing my brother Snake at midnight
-Getting split up and Dub and I having all the metros close down just before we got on them
-Realizing that I don't care that much about crepes with Nutella
-Sacre Coeur, the red light district, and Moulin Rouge.
-The general pain in my feet from walking so much

Sorry this was more list-like and less story-like. All-in-all, it was enjoyable. We experienced a lot, and ultimately, I was glad to come home. There's no place like home.

Date-ematics: It Equals 200

2010-02-06T21:41:00.005-07:00

Well, I realized as I sat down to blog, that this is my 200th post. 200! I can't believe that I have posted that many times. 200 pieces of blackmail for all the world to read about me. Moving on... If you recall, I once did a fantastically nerdy post for my 50th post, and since I pretty much have no new ideas for blogging topics, I give you:

Date-ematics

Definition: The non-word "date-ematics" is not-so-cleverly contrived from the English word "date," which is a social engagement often of the romantic nature and "mathematics," which can be shortened to "math" or "maths," if you're not from North America. "Mathematics" comes from the Greek word "mathema" or something, which means learning, study, science. So, if we cram all of these together, we come to define date-ematics as the learning, study, or science of social engagements often of the romantic nature.

Elementary Date-ematics: One of the first things that we learn, even as young children, is that in order to learn about or study dating (or maths), one must be able to count. Starting at with one, the subject can then move to two, and then to three, until a sufficient understanding has been achieved of the subject matter (i.e. dating). The concept of zero exists, but it is understood that if the quantity of dates is zero, the learning derived from dating will also be zero. The same is true for a specific subject matter. If one wants to learn more about a particular subject in the sphere of dating, then the number of dates with the subject matter cannot equal zero.

Even our prehistoric ancestors understood this concept, as you can see from this photograph that I found of our prehistoric ancestors on the internet. And as you know, nothing on the internet can lie:

As you can see, our prehistoric ancestors chose to invent fire as their dating activity. It is my belief that even today, just as it was true for our ancestors, one can learn much from a date that involves fire.

Date-ematics Theories and Areas of Study: Alas, date-ematics is such an involved field of study with many theories. It has been studied for millennia, but even today, humans everywhere are still learning, studying, and theorizing about the subject. Some commonly-tested theories or areas of study:

Number theory, Group theory, Order theory, Geodate-ry, Date-onometry, Abstract dategebra, Differential Geodate-ry, Topdate-logy, Fractal geodate-ry, Measure theory, Calcdate-us, Chaos theory, Complex analysis, Cryptdate-graphy, etc.

Applied Date-ematics: Probably the most successful field of study is Applied Date-ematics. This field considers the use of abstract date-ematical tools in solving problems in the area of dating. Applied Date-ematics considers a whole variety of different, but related fields, such as: Date-ematical physics, Fluid dynamics, Date-merical analysis, Optimization, Probability theory, Statistics, Financial date-ematics, Game theory, Date-ematical biology, Date-ematical chemistry, Date-onomics, and the control theory.

I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed this partial discussion of Date-ematics. As you apply date-ematics into your life, I hope that it brings you as much excitement and happiness as it did these cavemen below:

This photo was taken prehistorically, which as you know means, pre-discovery of the internet, but post-discovery of The Gap.

Thanks for Writing My Post for Me, Cash

2010-01-25T23:39:00.002-07:00

Did I ever mention that I have a sister who sometimes writes me the most hilarious e-mails? Well, I do. This is cash's input for today:

One of the secretaries at my work listens to a Top 40s radio station every day. There are these two songs that are played constantly these days. Both have blatant grammatical problems in their choruses:

1. From Alicia Keys and Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind": "New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of!" What on earth does that even mean? What is she trying to say?

2. From Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance": "You and me could write a bad romance." Well, obviously. Maybe "you" and "I" could write a better one.

Am I too picky to expect better grammar from a world where everyone who titles a song with "you" actually uses "u" instead?

And then when I asked cash via e-mail if I could post this on my blog, she also brought up another song that really hurts my grammatical ears (not that they are fine-tuned or anything) when I hear it. We can thank Paul McCartney for this one: "But if this ever-changing world in which we live in..." In which we live in? Aaaaah! Seriously, it hurts.

No, Cash. In my opinion, you are not too picky to expect a song-writer to write correctly. Also, I think that the problem with #1 is the same problem that I hear all over these days (especially in church). People sometimes don't think about real meanings of sayings when they use them in their conversations. They know what they mean, but it doesn't really fit the situation.

Another grammatical pet peeve I have in songs: "If I was..." or "If today was..." It's enough to lose my fanhood. Attention musicians: "Were" should be used with "if." When in doubt, think of Fiddler on the Roof. "If I were a rich man..."

Regarding "u" for "you:" probably my biggest problem with the substitution of a letter for a word is that I guess I'm too dumb sometimes to get it. On Facebook earlier today I was reading a comment, and the person substituted "y" for "why." This is a problem for me because to me "y" equals "and," not "why." And it didn't make any sense. Sometimes I confess to using a letter instead of a word, but that is generally while texting when I'm trying to be fast or trying to fit it all in one message. I guess I should be more versatile. R u thinking that, 2? Gr8!

So, how about u guys? What do u think about grammar and/or letter substitution for words?