Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Don't Pity Me; I Enjoy My Life

Lately, I have been really happy. I mean, besides the times when I'm cranky. Sure, there are still those times, but other than that, I am really enjoying my life. I've been pretty happy for about a month and a half now. Well, I was happy before, but in the past month and a half, I've just been really, really happy to be me, and I've been noticing my own happiness and delight a lot.

I hope that this post doesn't turn the tide. Knock on wood?

Today I was thinking back to the last month of my life. Here are just a few of the things that I have enjoyed or felt happy about (in list form, in no particular order, and not remotely comprehensive):

1. Spending time with family on Saturday at the BYU football game and dinner
2. The Goo Goo Dolls concert and getting a guitar pick
3. Going with friends to get ice cream, deciding upon Wal-Mart, and then realizing in the freezer section that nobody wanted ice cream
4. City league volleyball
5. The cruise
6. A lemon bar with lemon mousse, whipped cream and raspberries
7. Walking around the track with friends
8. Accidentally flirting with a guy I didn't know via text messaging
9. Good conversations with friends, listening to their lives, their philosophies, their feelings
10. Communicating with family members in whatever form
11. Helping frame a basement in preparation for kid #5 (not mine, obviously)
12. Listening to El Libro de Mormon in the car while driving
13. Good music
14. Shrimp Coconut Kurma
15. Another international dinner
16. Playing raquetball
17. Going to plays
18. Completing my goal of going to a movie by myself
19. Hiking
20. Learning how to play Lacrosse
21. My bruised toenail finally falling off and realizing that a new one had already grown in
22. Golfing
23. Smiling
24. A full moon in the sky
25. The stars
26. Rain
27. Goosebumps
28. Having reflexology performed on my feet and learning that my relationship toe is quite askew
29. Accidentally dropping my cousin twice, TWICE on gravel when trying to give her a piggy back to the restroom because her ankle was twisted--the second drop caused by me twisting my own ankle. (She didn't get hurt, and it was a little funny then. Trust me, except don't trust me to give you a piggy back.)
30. Sunsets
31. Watching "Firefly" episodes
32. Reading that "Twilight" series of books
33. Hurricane Dean - (I don't mean to be insensitive towards the people who passed away and lost a lot of their lives because of it, but the part I experienced was sort of awesome.)
34. Accidentally hitting the foot pedal on the organ when I wasn't supposed to be playing
35. The annual chastity talk from the stake presidency
36. Work
37. Being around other people's kids and playing with them for a few minutes until the babies or kids got whiny
38. Rediscovering Tapatio
39. Shoulder massages
40. Playing guitar hero

This wasn't a comprehensive list by any means. I could probably go on and on, but basically, I have just been enjoying life. And, it's not so much about what I do (although, that's pretty fun, too). It's more about how I feel, and I feel GREAT! So, if you've been any part of my last month and a half, thank you! I've really enjoyed your company and you being you (even if you've been having a crappy month and a half... I still have enjoyed you).

In fact, the other weekend, I was chilling with the stake presidency, and I suddenly decided to basically share my testimony about how I am happy to be me. I sort of stressed the part about how I'm "old" and single and wanted to let them know that it's perfectly okay, and that I'm very happy that I'm single and that I know that it's good and right for me. I think I felt compelled to tell them that because it seems like sometimes people pity me for being "old" and single. And I just want to shout it out to everyone that they should not pity me. I am happy that I'm not married right now! I am happy that I'm single! I am happy! But, alas, most people will likely never truly understand how I feel because they have never experienced the feeling that I have been feeling lately of extreme enjoyment and peacefulness about my current life (except for the part when I think about all the crap I need to work on, like my own sins, and then I feel slightly guilty).

Actually, come to think of it, the stake presidency probably thinks I send mixed messages because I have talked to the stake president before about how I feel that the church in our area doesn't have a remotely adequate system for single people who are from ages 25 through about 50 years old (only I said 40) as far as activities go for meeting their peers. And, I still stand by that assessment, but it doesn't mean that I'm not enjoying myself in spite of its nonexistence.

But, anyway, it seems like sometimes when I meet people, their first reaction is to pity me for not being married, etc. Well, I've kind of had enough of that. I'm so done with it. Why? Because I try to let them know that I am very pleased with my current situation, and they either think I'm a sinner for feeling that way or they think that I am lying. Really, is it so hard to believe that a person can be pleased with their current life? Really? Is it? If it is, then maybe it's because there aren't enough people out there expressing their happiness with their lives. Because I know that there are happy people out there. Of course I have problems, of course I'm an idiot sometimes, but overall, I am so very happy.

So, please, shout it out! Cardine is HAPPY with her life! Everyone, join in now! Are you happy?


Cassie said...

I'm happy that you are happy, how about that. I think I have a ways to go before I can say I am happy with my current situation. I am somewhat content for the moment.

tearese said...

yay! Thats basically how I was feeling when I was single living with roommates in Seattle. ANd you are so not old to any standards except Utah's! I told you, everyone I worked with thought I was nuts to be getting married at the tender age of 25 1/2. That lemon bar sounds absolutely delicious!
And I agree about the single thing in Cedar...at 23 I felt so out of the single scene at the University.

Jill - GlossyVeneer said...

I'm glad you're happy with your life. That's important! I got married at age 23, I felt so young. But everyone that came to the reception said, "Wow... it's a good thing that you finally got hitched." Crazy, weird, ideas are everywhere in that town when it comes to relationships.

Foot reflexology... Interesting!

julie said...

I am so so happy that you are so so happy! I'm not happy, but I'm not so terribly unhappy any more. I've also enjoyed some of the things on your list (Tearese - that lemon bar IS delicious!), especially when I've been able to spend time with YOU!

I'm looking forward to walking and (hopefully) watching Firefly with you and Shiree tomorrow!!

Cardine said...

Cassie - I have felt somewhat content before, and that's pretty good, too. And actually, I think it's really, really cool that you're taking a cake decorating class. It sounds so fun. Really.

Tearese - Yes, I have been feeling old for about 7 years.

Jill - Do you think that they said "finally" because you dated for more than a couple months? Because, some people think that's weird, too. (not me, though)

Also, the foot reflexology was kind of cool. If you get a chance to try it, you might enjoy it.

Julie - Yeah, it's hard to feel totally happy when something in your life is changing or if you have to make a big decision. Thanks for sharing some of those delightful moments with me, though. I really, really do enjoy them, and I appreciate your friendship a lot.

tearese said...

you guys should bring lemon bars when you come to visit me. Especially because we dont have lots of yummy food.

Cardine said...

Don't worry, Tearese. I have plans to bring yummy food when I come!

dub said...

Just a sister's observation: I think that we were raised in a way that we are now better able to be happy on our own than most women. We're very independent and self-sufficient, and we can entertain ourselves pretty easily. I have a hard time relating to single women who are really sad that they're not married. And it's kind of funny to me - the people who tend to pity me for not being married, or who are most anxious for me to get married, are generally married women who have lousy marriages. What does that mean?

Sean said...

I have to say, being married is awesome, but being happy is more awesome. If you are happy, then who cares what else is going on.

Though I do have to say this, I miss the entertainment value of the annual chastity talk from the stake pres. oh the days.

Though I feel your pain when you say you feel old. I was quoting Wayne's World today to all of my students (mostly sophomores in college) and none of them knew it!! I suddenly felt like there was a generational gap between me and my students. Oh well.