Friday, November 16, 2007

Relationship Month: The Hall of Crush

Welcome to my lair of attractive celebrities (aka "The Hall of Crush" or the relationship month post where Cardine posts photos of celebrities that she thinks are attractive). Before I show you the crushes, I've gotta take a minute to word vomit.

Really. No, really. Have you ever had a celebrity crush? And, I'm not talking about a celebrity craziness where you're an angsty teenager with posters in your room of the New Kids on the Block or the Backstreet Boys or whatever group or singer is the heartthrob of that year or where you actually write letters to them to make all sorts of crazy statements, like, "I am your #1 fan" or whatnot. And not the sort where you've actually stalked them. I'm not talking about the wacky crushes that creep me out. I'm just talking about a crush like, "hey, I really think that actor/actress is good-looking" or "boy, I could sure be kissed like that" or "jeez, wouldn't it be nice if he sang that song to me."

Note to my sisters: Please don't make fun of me for these.

I would also like to thank imdb for allowing (5b) me to use photos from their site.

Now, let's get down to business. (I apologize in advance for any corniness that may ensue.)

Hi, I'm Cary Elwes. You may remember me from such films as "The Princess Bride" or "Robin Hood: Men in Tights." To a 12 year-old girl watching me portray the role of Wesley (aka the Dread Pirate Roberts), I am a handsome devil. In fact, you may refer to me as R.O.U.S., or as ravishing of unbeatable standards. I am as attractive as you wish.

Hello, I'm Christian Bale. You may remember me from such films as "Swing Kids," "Little Women," or "Batman Begins." I have had a really long and prosperous career. I also once had a really long and juicy string of saliva stretching from Winona Ryder's mouth to mine. I am so dedicated to acting that I even got really emaciated for some of my roles. When I eat food and have meat on my bones, I am really attractive.

Hi, I'm Harrison Ford. You may remember me from such trilogies as "Star Wars" or "Indiana Jones." I hope that you don't remember me from such films as "Hollywood Crapicide" or "What Lies Beneath" (too scary). Now that you mention it, what does lie beneath this rugged exterior? Possibly eccentricities, but you may never know. You may have to adore me from your chair. Go ahead, write "I love you" on your eyelids. See if I notice.

Hello, I'm Cillian Murphy. You may remember me from such films as "Batman Begins" or "Red Eye," where I specialized in being strangely attractive in spite of my creepy roles. I haven't had a huge career, but as you can see, I am most attractive in the smiling form. Perhaps someday someone will notice and cast me in a non-creepy role so I can smile.

Hello, my name is Hugh Grant. You may remember me from such delightful films as "About A Boy" or "Love Actually." It is in films such as these, as well as others, that you are able to see me acting in carefree manners, like singing "Killing Me Softly With His Song" or dancing around to "Jump (For My Love)." I look attractive doing goofy things, as well as shuffling papers. I am most attractive when I am goofy, yet real.

Hi, my name is Matt Damon. You may remember me from such films as "The Rainmaker," "Ocean's Eleven," or "The Bourne Identity." You can try to not think I'm attractive, but I am. It's a fact. If you try to deny it, you will soon learn that you are deceiving yourself. I recently received an award for being sexy. That's how attractive I am. They just give me awards for looking good.

Hi, I'm Liev Schreiber. You may remember me from such films as "Kate & Leopold" or "The Sum of All Fears." I recently had a role in "CSI" where viewers discovered that it should be a crime to look as good as I do. I was born in the 60's (you know what that means), but somehow I made it through all that weird grooviness to look as handsome as I do. That's right.

Hello, my name is James Marsden. You may remember me from such films as "X-Men" or "Hairspray." But, you may have forgotten between seeing all those movies how attractive I am. However, it was probably a real delight to rediscover my attractiveness at each movie. I especially look attractive when I'm singing and dancing. I have it going on.

So, thanks for taking a walk through Cardine's Lair of Attractive Celebrities. I hope you enjoyed your time here. Now please tell me, who is in YOUR hall of crush?


Anonymous said...

That was quite enjoyable... the saliva string... ha, ha!

Um, I had a thing for Bill Pullman about ten years ago. And there have definitely been others along the way, but I can't actually think of any of them now. I could go to IMDB and look it up, but I'm not going to - there's a guy who's in that Heaven movie and 13 Going on 30. He's kinda handsome.

Flaur said...

Yes.....the saliva string got a mention!

KieraAnne said...

Where's Matthew McConaughey? No list should be complete without him...I also like Viggo Mortenson in LoTR and Orlando Bloom, not in LoTR, and Johnny Depp, especially in Chocolat. There are others, but I think I'll stop there. Great post! ;)

tearese said...

that was pretty funny. Harrison Ford circa StarWars movies, oh yeah. Kiera, I like Orlando Boom too (in LOTR)and I've mentioned before I used to like Jeff Goldblum and Tom Hanks.

tearese said...

oh, Cardine, I'm tagging you to do seven weird or random facts, if you want to. You could do seven weird things that happened to you while dating!

KieraAnne said...

I like Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Carribean 3...especially the end when he's all in black...*drool* but not so much as a blond/blue eyed elf in LotR.

Cardine said...

Do you ever get those "oh yeah!" moments when you're using the bathroom? I do. And for me, it was after I had finished this post, and I remembered that I had forgotten to list Orlando Bloom. I was just SURE that someone would mention him, though, and I was right!

I first found him attractive in The Fellowship of the Ring. Yes, he is quite attractive, elf-like or pirate-like. It's all goooood.

Sarah - I totally remember the Bill Pullman time.

Flaur - How could the saliva string NOT get a mention! Hee hee!

Kiera - Matthew McConaughey is NOT on the list. He is like Brad Pitt. Sure, they're okay, but I prefer them to be eating and not talking.

Tearese - Tom Hanks and Jeff Goldblum, eh?

Cash said...

In high school you were all about Robert Sean Leonard from Swing Kids and Dead Poets Society. RSL is now on the TV show House. How do you feel about him these days?

Indy said...

I have to mention that Christian Bales was in one of my favorite movies called Newsies as well as those listed.

My list would have to have Orlando Bloom (as Legolus), Gregory Peck, Amir Khan, Rufus Sewell (only in Uncorked), and Ioan Gruffudd (as Horatio Hornblower).

That is all the guys I can think of at the moment.

Cassie said...

I concur with most everyone on your list except for James Marsden. He's okay. I do really like Johnny Depp. I love that you put Cillian Murphy on there too. He is cute, though creepy. I thought at the beginning of Red Eye, he would be perfect in a romantic comedy. Oh Ryan Gosling, definitely is another luscious man.

julie said...

Two words: Colin Firth. I know he's not everyone's cup of tea, but he's #1 on my list of celebrity crushes.

Also-ran's on my list include Harrison Ford, Hugh Grant, Christian Bale, Vin Diesel (how embarrasing!), and Clive Owen.

I also like the other guys on your list that I didn't mention, except Cillian Murphy - he doesn't do anything for me.

Cardine said...

Cash - I was actually going to put Robert Sean Leonard on this list, but I couldn't find any good pics from those "Swing Kids" days, so I left him off. I think he's aging pretty well, though.

I am so glad that you guys are participating in this little exercise! I am really enjoying your comments.

And, it's not that other people that I didn't mention are unattractive, but I just mentioned some who I have thought during their performances, wow, they are really attractive. And there are others, too. I just didn't want this to be a super-super long post.

banana said...

Jeff Goldblum????
Did you ever see him in "The Race for the Double Helix"? What a loser he was in that film. Otherwise, I guess the "Jurassic Park" years were okay.

I would add Billy Bob Thornton to my list, but only because someone once told me that my husband, Noj, has that Billy-Bob look. I guess you'd call it the "making gray hair look sexy" look.

Queen Scarlett said...

Found you from CW - you are hilarious... with great taste.