Sometimes I can't think of the right word. I love the Thesaurus. Unfortunately, I still couldn't find the right word, even with the Thesaurus. Basically, I'm looking for a synonym of vain, self-serving, etc. That's what this post is. A little bit. I'm going to essentially tell you how great I am. If you don't want to hear it, you should stop reading now.
One thing that is awesome about me is that I realize that I have power over my own feelings, especially for my feelings about other people. I can choose to feel or think different things about people. I think a large number of individuals think that they can't help it if they love or hate someone. I totally disagree.
I am also not the kind of person that checks people out all the time. I don't go around looking at people as eye candy all the time. Generally, when I meet someone, it takes some kind of outside influence for me to check them out. I basically view everyone as a friend upon first encounter. I don't constantly have my radar on looking for hot people.
And now, the story. The other week I was just going about my life as usual, minding my own business and being silly. All of a sudden a guy I didn't know made a derogatory remark about his own appearance. This remark caused me to notice him. And so I checked him out, basically. And not only was his remark not true, but I actually thought to myself, "Wow. He is really hot. I am totally physically attracted to him." And actually, because I don't constantly have my hotness radar on, experiences like that are sometimes good for me to have because it helps remind me that I should really care about dating.
Upon further experiences with this person, I found that I was not only physically attracted to him, but I also really liked him. So I developed a crush. Unfortunately, he does not meet some of the essential requirements of a person who I should date, so he is off the radar. But I still kind of had a crush.
Now back to the awesomeness of the ability to choose who we like. I'm so glad that I realize that even though I was totally crushing on this guy who wouldn't be good for me to really like and/or pursue, I don't have to continue to like him. I can choose to not continue these crush-like feelings for him. And that is awesome. It is so relieving to know that I can stop the feelings of crush. I know that I make it sound so easy, like it's some switch that you can turn on or off, which it isn't, but yet, it is possible to change those feelings. And that is cool. And sometimes I have to pray a while (even sometimes a long while) to get rid of some of the feelings for the crushes, but I guess that I am just so happy about that. ... that I CAN choose and that life isn't so dramatically hopeless when you find someone that is totally attractive to you who wouldn't be good for you.
Hooray for choice and that we can choose our loves, our friends, and our enemies!