Weird Stuff on TPIR

So... I've been watching The Price Is Right lately. If I had TV and if I had a DVR or Tivo, I would record The Price Is Right. But since I don't have it, I watch it online. (I would also save Jeopardy! and maybe, maybe The Wheel of Fortune.) Anyway, sometimes they have strange prizes on the show. And I decided that every so often I am going to post them here. Why? Because I want to share the oddness with you, my readers.

So, here we go:

Darth Vadar Alarm Clock, $42

Really? They made a Darth Vadar alarm clock? And it's $42? Would you buy it? Would you?

Bond Coolest Gadgets and Lairs

Alright. This is the last one. I know. It's sad. But, I think it's hilarious. Sorry I didn't find the photos for the rest of them. I guess I'm too lazy about it. If I had the movies, that would be another story. Thanks, again, Cash and Tino. Enjoyable! Also, I have added some movies to my Netflix queue.

Coolest Gadgets

1. Poisoned knife in the shoe used by Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love

2. Flying jetpack as used by Bond in Thunderball

3. Underwater car used by Bond and Anya Amasova in The Spy Who Loved Me

4. Pipeline chute used to smuggle a defecting Russian outside the Iron Curtain in The Living Daylights

5. Little Nellie aka a mini-helicopter with ammunition that fits in a briefcase in You Only Live Twice

6. Elevator that shoots you into shark tank as demonstrated by Bond and Stromberg in Atlantis in The Spy Who Loved Me

7. The ghettoblaster as demonstrated in Q's laboratory in The Living Daylights

8. Milk bottle bombs used by Necros in The Living Daylights

9. Dr. No's fire-breathing tank that looks like a dragon in Dr. No

10. Dr. Kananga's trick coffins in Live and Let Die

11. Razor butterflies used by May Day in A View to a Kill

13. Q's walkie-talkie broom in Licence to Kill

14. A miniature motorboat disguised as a crocodile used by Bond to get to Octopussy's lair in Octopussy

Coolest lairs

1. Blofeld's volcano lair with trapdoor piranha pond in You Only Live Twice

2. Karl Stromberg's underwater lair Atlantis in The Spy Who Loved Me, including a getaway hatch stocked with caviar and champagne

3. The 45-degree-angled sunken ship used as MI6's Hong Kong headquarters in The Man with the Golden Gun

4. Scaramanga's island funhouse in The Man with the Golden Gun

5. Octopussy's Greek- and Indian-inspired island of beautiful women in Octopussy

6. Sanchez's cocaine factory/Aztec-inspired meditation camp in Licence to Kill

7. London's closed/condemned underground now used as Q's storage unit in Die Another Day

8. Goldfinger's country house that has a dungeon and furniture that revolves to reveal Operation Grand Slam in Goldfinger

9. Alec Trevelyan's underwater lair and immersed giant satellite in GoldenEye

10. Blofeld's cloning facility in Diamonds are Forever

Bond Theme Songs

Years and years ago my roommate had a party at our house, and someone left a CD of Bond theme songs there. We had no idea who left it, and she even asked the people who attended the party if it were theirs. Nobody claimed it. I still have no idea who left it at the house, but I've certainly enjoyed listening to it. For all of you who do not have that CD, you may not be familiar with the songs, but I am. Anyway, enjoy the listing from best to worst! Thanks, again, Cash and Tino!

Bond Theme Songs

1. James Bond Theme by John Barry Orchestra originating in Dr. No but continuing in all subsequent movies
2. You Know My Name by Chris Cornell from Casino Royale
3. Live and Let Die by Paul McCartney and the Wings from Live and Let Die
4. Tomorrow Never Dies by Sheryl Crow from Tomorrow Never Dies
5. We Have All the Time In the World by Louis Armstrong and the John Barry Orchestra from On Her Majesty's Secret Service
6. The Living Daylights by a-ha from The Living Daylights
7. Another Way to Die by Jack White and Alicia Keys from Quantum of Solace
8. Diamonds Are Forever by Shirley Bassey from Diamonds Are Forever
9. A View to a Kill by Duran Duran from A View to a Kill
10. Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang by Shirley Bassey from Thunderball
11. Nobody Does it Better by Carly Simon from The Spy Who Loved Me
12. You Only Live Twice by Nancy Sinatra from You Only Live Twice
13. From Russia With Love by Matt Monro from From Russia With Love
14. Goldfinger by Shirley Bassey from Goldfinger
15. The World is Not Enough by Garbage from The World is Not Enough
16. GoldenEye by Tina Turner from GoldenEye
17. Die Another Day by Madonna from Die Another Day
18. All Time High by Rita Coolidge from Octopussy
19. For Your Eyes Only by Sheena Easton from For Your Eyes Only
20. The Man with the Golden Gun by Lulu from The Man With the Golden Gun
21. Moonraker by Shirley Bassey from Moonraker
22. Licence to Kill by Gladys Knight from Licence to Kill
23. Thunderball by Tom Jones from Thunderball

Bond Villains

I like this one because some of the Bond villains are hilarious. I'm not sure if Jaws was the first gigantic evil henchman with the scary teeth, but that character has appeared in other movies since then. I'm thinking specifically of one of the Zorro movies and recently "Sherlock Holmes." Thanks, again, to Cash and Tino for this post.

Best Bond Villains

1. Lotte Lenya as Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love

2. Richard Kiel as Jaws in The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker

3. Blofeld in so, so many, but mostly Donald Pleasence in You Only Live Twice and Telly Savalas in On Her Majesty's Secret Service

4. Gert Frobe as Auris Goldfinger in Goldfinger

5. Sean Bean as Alec Trevelyan in GoldenEye

6. Harold Sakata as Oddjob in Goldfinger

7. Andreas Wisniewski as Necros in The Living Daylights

8. Robert Shaw as Grant in From Russia with Love

9. Christopher Lee as Scaramanga in The Man with the Golden Gun

10. Herve Villechaize as Nick Nack in The Man with the Golden Gun

Worst Bond Villains

Bruce Glover as Mister Wint and Putter Smith as Mister Kidd in Diamonds are Forever

The gay stereotypes were insulting and their plot was never explained, thanks to an underwritten script and/or bad editing. I don't think the Bond franchise was ever as idiotic as when Sean Connery finally took out these two morons (on either a boat or an airplane, I can't remember which) at the end of the movie.

Jonathan Pryce as Elliott Carver in Tomorrow Never Dies

Jonathan Pryce could have fed a third world country for a month on all the scenery he chewed in this movie. It's so bad that Ted Turner and Rupert Murdoch (no doubt the two people upon who this character was loosely based) could have probably sued Pryce for defamation of character.

Mr. Kil in Die Another Day

This entry is based upon name alone. To be fair, his death by lasers was kinda rad.

Bond Girls

Here is another installment in James Bond week, written by Cash with input from Tino:

Worst Bond Girls




1. Tanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton in A View to a Kill
-- She's like a Pussycat Doll: cast for her looks without regard to any actual talent.




2. Denise Richards as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World is Not Enough
-- Can anyone actually buy Denise Richards as a "nucular physicist" in hot pants? I didn't think so. The terrible script did her no favors, but really, my pinky finger would be more convincing in the role than Denise was in this movie.




3. Britt Eklund as Agent Mary Goodnight in The Man With the Golden Gun
-- Britt Eklund does nothing to make me believe that she is smarter than her dumb character (who is inexplicably a secret agent, despite the fact that she's totally helpless and gets in the way the whole movie.) Also, she has no pluck. She is certainly pretty, though. But can we really believe that a British agent would scream and run for cover when Nick Nack, a midget, jumps up and starts throwing wine around? I don't think so.




4. Corrine Clery as Corrine Dufour in Moonraker
-- Part of the problem is probably the language barrier, but a real actress could rise above it. (See Michelle Yeoh, for instance.) Instead, she's trapped in a thankless sacrificial role that ends when the villain sics his attack dogs on her.




5. Lana Wood as Plenty O'Toole in Diamonds are Forever
-- Lana, Alicia Silverstone called: She wants her lousy Southern accent and affectations back. Bad Southern/slangy accents are worse to me than bad British accents. And this one was BAD. And her character serves no purpose whatsoever beyond eye candy.




6. Angela Scoular as Ruby Barlett in On Her Majesty's Secret Service
-- Again, the character is slangy and annoying, but Bond beds her anyway. I actually felt bad for James instead of the girl, which is saying something, considering James is a walking STD. But in this case, I just wanted her to shut up.




7. Caroline Bliss as Miss Moneypenny in The Living Daylights
-- Miss Bliss was totally acceptable in Licence to Kill, but her few short scenes in The Living Daylights made me cringe even in comparison to Maryam D'Abo's rather bland Kara Milovy.

Best Bond Girls




1. Eva Green as Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale
-- Smart, witty, beautiful, great verbal and physical chemistry with Bond, and her part was perfectly played in a way that made the audience understand why Bond's heart was broken and why he developed his mantra: Trust no one.




2. Ursula Andress as Honey Ryder in Dr. No
-- OK, she's beautiful and athletic and she has love handles (small ones, but they're there). That's great in and of itself, but Honey Ryder stuck to her guns when she declared that the Crab Key dragon was real even when Bond mocked her for it. (He was right, but so was she.) Honey's no push-over. She carries a knife in her utility belt bikini, and when a man molested her as a teenager, she got her revenge by putting a black widow in his bed. "It took him eight days to die," she told Bond, showing no remorse. Rad.




3. Honor Blackman as Pussy Galore in Goldfinger
-- I found out after watching the movie that Pussy Galore is actually a lesbian, which is why she continually rebuffed Bond's initial sexual advances. He got her in the end, but then she saved his skin, as well as the skins of all of those who work at Fort Knox. She was the real hero of the movie. And I like the self-assured way she looked at Bond: That alone was enough to level their playing field.




4. Michelle Yeoh as Wai Lin in Tomorrow Never Dies
-- She is a spy herself, so she can keep up with Bond in all his escapades. She even handcuffed him to a shower. She wears lockpick earrings, scales down buildings in cool (magnetic?) boots, and kicks the butts of all the bad guys with her marital arts training. And the real plus: Michelle can actually act! It's just a shame the script wasn't as good as her character.




5. Judi Dench as M in GoldenEye, Tomorrow Never Dies, The World Is Not Enough, Die Another Day, Casino Royale, Quauntum of Solace
-- She has natural chemistry with both Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig, and her authoritative lines are perfectly delivered. A brilliant choice to play the head of Britain's Secret Service. I even like her in The World Is Not Enough, a movie that has little to like.




6. Carole Bouquet as Melina Havelock in For Your Eyes Only
-- Her husky voice, iconic legs, and yards of shining dark hair probably make the most memorable marks in this movie, but she keeps up with Bond and is determined to do her part in their hunt to take out her father's killers. She's an equal with Bond without being as physically menacing as some of the other great Bond girls. And I have to give her props for that, because, hey, I couldn't beat up five guys either, but I'd like to think I could keep up with Bond in determination and ingenuity.




7. Barbara Bach as Agent XXX Anya Amasova in The Spy Who Loved Me
-- She is also a spy, and she puts Bond in his (misogynist) place when she matches and betters him intellectually (and in other ways, too) in their assignment debriefing. She pulls off a convincing Russian accent and has the grace to hate James Bond for half of the movie.




8. Joie Vejjajiva and Qiu Yuen as Lt. Hip's nieces in The Man With the Golden Gun
-- When Bond gets himself stuck in a dojo whose occupants are all hell-bent on killing him, Lt. Hip's teenage nieces show up and take down the entire dojo with their kung fu expertise, no thanks to James Bond himself. Quite simply one of the best sequences in a Roger Moore movie.




9. Halle Berry as Jinx in Die Another Day
-- The script was bad (I have no idea who -- if anyone -- could pull off her rotten dialogue), but she brought some much-needed assuredness and physicality to the film. She elevated a pretty bad movie and deserved better than what she got. I saw this movie shortly after I saw X-Men and I assure you, Jinx kicks Storm's butt.




10. Blanche Ravalec as Jaws' girlfriend Dolly in Moonraker
-- In a campy movie so bad it was almost good, Dolly marked the pinnacle of cheese. Fortunately, I accepted it and now acknowledge it as a brilliant casting decision. Additionally, Jaws and Dolly are like Ricky Smith and his girlfriend in Better Off Dead, a movie that must have stolen its meet-cute from this one.




11. Gemma Arterton as Agent Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace
-- Gemma was stuck in the thankless role of secondary Bond girl who dies near the beginning or middle of the film: like Rosie in Live and Let Die, Paris in Tomorrow Never Dies, both Masterson sisters in Goldfinger, Corrine Clery in Moonraker, and Caterina Murino in Casino Royale, to name just a few. The difference here is that Gemma brought an unusual amount of emotion to the otherwise quiet role. The character's brave act and spunk at a key moment offset her quiet personality perfectly. I actually cared and mourned for her Agent Fields when the villains killed her, coated her in oil, and left her black body on Bond's bed. It's not easy to make me care about a Bond girl, especially such a minor one, but I cared (albeit briefly) for this one. To quote M: She didn't deserve to die like that.

Simultaneously Scary and Awesome




Famke Jannsen as Xenia Onatopp in GoldenEye
-- Her sexual fetish is killing men while making love to them. She likes to squeeze them to death with her strong thighs. Frightening. She also screams all the time. Scary. Her eyes pierce like a laser and her death is pretty gruesome, and is no more than she deserved.




Grace Jones as May Day in View to a Kill
-- May Day seems to get a sexual charge out of beating up men, too. Plus, she's ultra-toned, pretty tall, wears angular clothes, has a buzz cut, and wears violent, angled make-up. And when Christopher Walken's Zorin leaves her to die, she turns on him and sacrifices herself to help Bond save the day. Yep: scary but awesome.