Monday, August 25, 2008

Just When You Think You Know Yourself

I have felt a little overwhelmed the last couple of weekends. I have a hard time saying no to doing things that I want to do, so I frequently end up with too many activities planned. Over a week ago dub came to visit with some friends. I hung out with them and went to some plays and somehow fit in camping with other friends. I was sleep-deprived and a little crazy, but it was fun. And I'm glad that I did it.

After they left town, somehow I ended up inviting a random guy to live in our basement for a week. I didn't really know him, but he was friends with my friends and had been staying in a tent, so I found myself saying the words that caused him to stay at the house.

He moved out today, and banana arrived tonight with her family and in-laws. I ended up spending some time cleaning up around the house a little before they got here. Back when I was 19 and all of my family abandoned me at the house, I used to get a little homesick. And when I missed everyone, I would vacuum. I did it frequently enough that my friend "Jay" used to come over to the house, check the carpets and ask me if I had been feeling homesick again if the carpets looked freshly vacuumed.

Whoa, tangent. Anyway, so when I was cleaning the bathroom tonight, I got to thinking again. I always think that I really like to spend time alone. I like it when I am busy, but it's so refreshing to just watch movies or blog or have some good alone reading time. But then I discovered tonight that I missed my basement-dwelling roommate. And I thought, "WHAT!?!" It was quite the shocking discovery for me. Why in the world would I miss the random guy from my basement? Well, first of all, he was nice. Second, we had good conversations and fun times. Third, I found that even when I got home at midnight or somewhere around there, it was pleasant for me to either have someone here to talk to or to have someone come home that I could look forward to seeing before I went to bed.

Shocking. Very shocking. Now, granted, this past weekend I only ended up getting six hours of sleep in two nights. That is not enough sleep for me to be a rational being. So, on one of those nights when we were talking until the wee hours of the morning, I discussed things that I wouldn't normally discuss with someone I don't know very well. I am usually way more shy and/or closed off to someone that I don't know, but I've found that I become a little irrational and different when I don't get enough sleep. So, because that happened, I guess I started to feel more comfortable around him more quickly than I normally would around a person.

Okay, upon re-reading this, it makes it sound like maybe I'm crushing on this guy, but that's not what I'm saying. What I learned is that I like having someone to come home to. Someone, you know, besides my parents (although they're great, too). And it doesn't even have to be a husband or anything. Just someone who is my friend and who I enjoy talking to. I guess I never made the connection with my siblings because I really enjoy it when they visit, anyway. But it makes sense. I mean, what with the midnight cheese parties we would have in the kitchen or the excellent bathroom talks... I guess I just never really thought about how much I love that.

So, yeah. Maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm selling my soul if I get roommates someday. Maybe I could handle being married to someone. I was always worried about the whole sharing-a-house-with-the-same-person-all-the-time thing. I always thought I would need way more alone time than what a normal married person should have. I guess I was wrong about myself. Heh.


Anonymous said...

What a great discovery. And good for you for opening up your house to help someone out without feeling like it would "throw off your groove." Thanks for sharing.

dub said...

I was wondering who that guy was who Mom mentioned was living with you!

I listened to the Diane Rehm show this morning on the way to work, and they discussed a new book about loneliness and its effects on physical health. The author said that even introverts (like us) who tend to like to be alone need at least one very close friend/confidante to fend off loneliness and its negative effects. They also talked some about social networking sites and how they might actually be increasing our loneliness if we aren't connecting in a real way with the people on them. If you're interested you can check out the show here:

Dana Cheryl said...

Wow! You have remarkable insight into yourself. Self-awareness I guess it's called. I admire that.

After my mission (I got home March 2006) I just wanted to be alone. (Maybe that has something to do with the whole "my only alone time is in the bathroom" thing.) Anyways... I didn't want a roommate, I didn't want to attend a singles ward, I didn't want to date. I just wanted a dog & a lot of space.

Well-meaning, persistant friends would push & push me to get a roommate, go to the singles ward, & for pete's sake date! :) Nope I would not do it and ya know what I'm glad that I didn't.

I needed that time to rediscover myself & my own unique personal relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus.

With time I'm now happily attending a singles ward & I have a roommate & finally I know that I could be married & be happy in that very permanent relationship.

I just needed what I needed and I find myself so shocked yet happy with these changes within myself.

OK I'll shut up now... Sorry for rambling on & on. It's just that I've rarely had the chance to talk to someone who has experienced a similar paradigm shift.

Thank you for sharing! I'm sure these new discoveries about yourself will lead you to new opportunities. Heavenly Father has an incredible plan designed to bring you the most happiness possible in this fallen world.

Already He uses you to touch the lives of so many of His children. It will only get better & better as your progression continues. I'm glad that He's brought us to the same place at the same time. I've been blessed to know you!

Cardine said...

Sarah - Thanks. Oddly enough, I guess I like having random people live at my house.

dub - Interesting. I may have to check out that show. I don't think I'm necessarily lonely, but I do like to listen to stuff at work. And besides. I can always learn something new.

Dana - Thanks for that comment. Also, thanks for your comments on Sunday. I really do feel like I can relate to you and the things you say. Hooray that you're here!

Dana Cheryl said...

Thanks Cardine, I'm really enjoying our ward. That's because of the fabulous people like you. Thanks for helping to make it a safe place for me to ask questions and say what's on my mind. :)

julie said...

Huh, I thought I posted a comment after Sarah, but maybe I had to leave before I pushed "Publish". Oh well.

I once worried about how I'd cope with getting married and sharing my home with someone. I asked a married friend who had had roommates that she didn't really enjoy. She said it's totally different and tons better to have a husband. That gives me hope and I'm clinging to it like white on snow.

tearese said...

I know exactly what you're talking about. I've always been the "lone wolf" type, but once you get a taste of having people around, it can be lonely without them.
I always complain that I don't have much 'me' time, but on the rare occasions when JOseph offers to watch the kids and let me go shopping or something, I find myself asking, "But don't you guys want to come?"
As for the busy, I can't do that anymore. I don't know if its the kids or what, but I can't plan more than two activities in a day (small ones like "do the dishes" or "take kids outside") or I get overly anxious and tense.

Cayley said...

I totally understand what your saying about preferring your space, but speaking as a married gal, marriage does not necessarily mean you no longer get alone time. That happens when you have kids. :)

Even when I was rooming with my best friends in the world I hated having roommates. And when I first got married we lived in the tiniest 3 room apartment you could imagine. Luckily we were still newlyweds so it wasnt all bad, but after 11 years we mpst definitely understand alone time and the importance of giving each other plenty of it when needed. Companionship is one thing, clingyness is another. I think when you find the right guy someday you will know him by whether or not he's cool with you doing things on your own.

warnser said...

I like it.
Seriously, I've been there too.
I'm glad you enjoyed having a roomie. I can imagine that he would be pretty cool as such.

I makes me think about when I'm gonna get a roommate. I almost considered joining BJ. Ok, the thought didn't last long but those guys would be fun too.
Anyway it's an interesting topic.

Sean said...

I have to say Cardine, I love reading your blog, even though it has been some time since I have read it (obviously). It also makes me happy that you reread what you write, then instead of changing it, you comment on it. That is so you. Man, I miss hangin' out with you. Oh, and thanks for the facebook birthday shout-out.