Sunday, March 29, 2009

Silly Stories from Cardine's Past

I felt like documenting some silly stories from my past. And since my sisters and I were reminiscing about this topic recently, I now give you:

The Curious Case of Austin Bradley

This is the story of Austin Bradley and how I am dumb. A long time ago, in a land not very far away at all, I went to church at this building. Sometimes the multiple congregations who met in that building would combine to have meetings together if it were a holiday weekend or Spring Break. On one particular Sunday with these combined meetings, I became exposed to Austin. His hair was combed perfectly, and his suit always hung perfectly from his body. He looked like perhaps his mom had dressed him. He sat on the front row of Sunday School class and had a zeal for the lesson. He was quite fun about it, and I thought to myself, "Oh, how nice that the retarded guy on the front row participates so much and enjoys Sunday School."

Time passed, and due to living conditions, Austin ended up coming to church as a part of my congregation. He maintained his well-groomed appearance and zeal for the lessons, but he was different somehow from how I thought that he was previously. In fact, before long, I started to notice that the females at church were quite taken with him. I would say that they were in deep smit over him. One girl even went so far as to proclaim that she would always remember the first day that she saw him (I always would, too... January 18). And it wasn't just one girl; there were many of them. So I began to pay attention. Upon closer observation, I discovered that Austin was not, in fact, retarded. He was, in fact, a smarty pants, who was also a quarterback for the university football team, as well as studying to someday be a seminary (high school religion) teacher. So, instead of being retarded, he was like the church Man of the Year. Whoops.

So readers, please, I beg of you. Don't be a Cardine. Don't presume that people are retarded when they're not.

The names have been changed. (My name is not actually Cardine, FYI. In case you didn't know.)

16 comments:

Cardine said...

...I hope that this post doesn't offend anyone. I know that this can be an emotional topic for some.

Mellissa said...

All guys are mentally challenged, so your first impression was partially correct! :) Funny how we judge so quickly, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Hee, hee! I forgot that you thought he was retarded. I know exactly who you're talking about and I'm totally laughing!!!

Flaur

KieraAnne said...

That's really funny! That's kind of like how I thought Leonardo DiCaprio was retarded after Gilbert Grape. You always have to wonder about guys that are so well groomed though. ;)

julie said...

Hmmm...do I know who this is? How long ago was it?

banana said...

Everyone out there, you want to hear Cardine tell this in person for the first time (sorry, too late, now). Preferably at 11 o'clock at night. You will have a hard time controlling your bladder functions.

Sarah said...

I love the moral to this story. I will do what I can to incorporate it into my own life.

tearese said...

Hahahaha. In general, I've found that I am sooo not smitten with the guy that everyone else is smitten with. (Excepting the one fella both Sarah and I liked as well as the rest of the art, music, and institute students). But I never, that I recall, mistook these guys as being disabled. That is too funny.

Brandon said...

Pretty sure I know who this person was and I probably wished some people thought I was retarded at the time.

PS.I'm only offended by discussions about retarded people when people make retarded generalizations!

Cash said...

Cardine, I thought your quote at the top of your blog looked familiar, so I googled it. Turns out that it is lyrics from an Evanescence song and your blog was the first and second hits on google instead of anything related to Evanescence.

P.S. Is it better or worse to erroneously think a person is retarded or pregnant?

Cardine said...

cash - Yes, I got that line from an Evanescence song, but weird that my blog is both the first and second hits on it. I can't say that I've had any traffic from that line being up there. I get a lot of traffic from the bacon quotes, though.

It's a toss-up, but I'd have to go with retarded. Usually the assumption of retardation has something to do with not only appearance but behavior, as well. Mistaken pregnancy is usually solely based on appearance (stomach fat that most people have) and is pretty common (except when my coworkers ask me if I'm pregnant due to my pickle-eating habits). What say you?

Cash said...

I don't know which is worse. I found out earlier this year that one of our aunts thought I was retarded when I was a wee child. And then there was a rumor at work that I was pregnant, so I've had people assume both things about me.

Do you eat a lot of pickles at work? There's a woman at my work who eats sardines at her cubicle all the time and it stinks up the general area. Her cubbymates hate it, I'm sure.

Dana Cheryl said...

Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! I'm seriously laughing. Oh dear!

Cardine said...

Whoa. You guys posted at the same time.

cash - WHAT!?! One of our aunts thought that you were retarded as a wee child? How is this possible? You were pretty much brilliant since birth. I mean, I remember you coming back from candy reconnaissance missions as a three year old and having a brilliant plan regarding the collection of such goods from our siblings while they were at school. I think that if anyone was the retarded child, it was probably me. I was so extremely clingy and quiet and afraid of the world. This is just... mind-boggling. I must hear the story of this aunt who thought you were retarded.

I don't eat a ton of pickles at work, but there have been a few experiences of me bringing in a jar to eat and behaving in a nazi-like manner towards other people eating them. Okay, not really, but I do leave sticky notes with warnings on them. But yeah, the stench of sardines should not be shared with the rest of the world. That's gutsy of that girl.

Cash said...

So your coworkers want your pickles, do they? How unusual. Don't get me wrong, I like pickles. It's just not a traditional workplace food. Better than sardines, at any rate. Not as smelly.

Yeah, Aunt E told me that the first time she met me I was sitting in my high chair and loudly, continuously banging my feet against the rungs. I did it so long and it disturbed her so much that she thought I was retarded. True story.

Cardine said...

Bwahahaha! That's funny! So, I guess she was WAY wrong. I would not have guessed that it was Aunt E.

My pregnant coworker accidentally ate one of my pickles once because I had failed to label them as mine. That didn't help me in my quest to convince my coworkers that I am not pregnant. Not at all.