Caught Shoplifting

If you've been reading my posts for over a month, you may recall a post where I discussed my plight of being treated like a shoplifter when I go to Wal-Mart at night.

Tuesday night was different.

Perhaps it's the holiday shopping that required four Wal-Mart employees on each isle stocking the shelves at 11:00 p.m. That was the first oddity that I noticed as I entered that store. I hiked all the way to the back of the store to get my items for purchase.

I hate it when there are only two check-outs open. It seems like I always have to wait. Especially at the line where the ciggies are sold.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a completely empty register waiting for me! The register lady was sweeping around her register and carrying on a conversation with the returns people at the front. Yeah, they were basically yelling, but I wasn't really paying any attention to what they were saying.

And the lady continued to sweep and talk. I was pretty sure she saw me standing there waiting for her.

Hello-o.

Finally she very distractedly made her way over to me to ring up my two items. I usually say thank you to the cashier, but I felt like I would be interrupting if I did. So, I grabbed my items, hurriedly said thanks, and walked off. I caught something from the conversation about a guy heading towards electronics with a white shirt. ...and then, I heard her say as I walked out of sight, "Thank you, and have a nice night!"

I'm trying to make this as Christmasy as I can. Can you tell?

Anyway, just then I saw a guy with a white shirt running out of Wal-Mart! And then, about six or seven Wal-Mart employees also running out the door! And then I thought, "No way." So, then I followed out the door, of course, because I was leaving, and I asked an employee, "Is that a shoplifter?" Yes. Yes way. Yes, it was.

If only he knew that they were all sorts of picky and strict about that sort of behavior there.

The shoplifter was on the other side of the parking lot by then. Only three Wal-Mart employees were still hot on his tail. I guess the others were winded or something. I mean, have you SEEN the parking lot? Just as he reached the other side of the lot, he was tackled.

It looked like it hurt. Seriously.

So, as I drove off, I contemplated the fate of this poor shoplifting guy. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter... um... actually, some more of the Wal-Mart employees had caught up by then, and they were sitting in a circle on the lawn with Shoppy McShoplifter in the middle.

Watching them somehow reminded me of playing chasing-type games in my neighborhood. When I was younger. Okay. Maybe more recently than that.

Stats:
Two out of three cars I passed on the way home were cop cars.
Two out of three cars I passed on the way home were definitely speeding.

If I could be any character from that poem, I think I would want to be Vixen. Hee hee.

Behaving Like the Shifty Shoplifter I Am

Date: October 24, 2006 (Happy birthday, Cash!)
Time: 11:55 p.m.
Place: Super Wal-Mart
Who: Cardine
What: Behaving like a shifty shoplifter

Apparently.

Actually, this isn't an isolated incident. It seems like every time I go to Wal-Mart at night, they think I'm a shoplifter. Almost without fail, I am asked for my receipt at the door so they can check the items I'm carrying out or else have my credit card signature carefully scrutinized while cross-referencing my driver's license. Now, don't think that I am unappreciative of those Wal-Mart employees who are doing their duty to catch those who may be stealing credit cards, but I have never seen other people treated in this manner, so it's weird. Or maybe I just don't notice, but I seriously have NEVER seen anyone get stopped for receipt-checking at the door.

I have decided to make a list of activities that may cause me to appear as if I am going to steal. Then maybe I'll pinpoint my problem(s).

My Chosen Hour: So, I guess I'm going at the wrong time. It's late at night, and I should mention that there are a lot of ...um... interesting people at Wal-Mart at that time. Sometimes they're sleeping in the parking lot in their respective vehicles, etc.

Or, maybe the night shift employees are just bored and want to check my bag because they have nothing else to do. And maybe that's why the checker comes out from behind her station to have a look at the bottom of my cart to make sure I'm not forgetting to pay for an item that I've placed there.

Appearance: Since it's the end of the day and really late at night, I typically am not in my best form. My hair is typically unbrushed or up in a ponytail. My makeup has deteriorated. A lot of times I have just finished exercising. For example, the most recent time I went shopping I had just been "Pump It Up Exceed" -ing. You know, dancing. Sure, I was wearing some nice slacks, but my hair was looking wild, and I had been sweating profusely. But, I thought I was doing a good job of pretending to look nice by throwing on a leather jacket and some nice shoes. Maybe I was wrong? Maybe I have a 'shifty look' about me. Maybe that's why people always voted for me as the killer when we played Mafia during Sunday School when I was a teen.

I've also wondered if I look shifty just because I'm a young-ish person by myself. Maybe I am being not racially-, but age-ly-profiled. If I were older, maybe they wouldn't think I am a shoplifter. Or maybe if I had a child or an older person with me, maybe I wouldn't seem so shifty.

Purchases: Perhaps I seem like I'm trying to get away with something because I purchase in bulk. Sometimes it's not actually in bulk, but maybe I'm restocking my entire bathroom with all needed supplies. I don't like to go to Wal-Mart very often, and I like to have extra of everything on hand, so I typically purchase a lot of stuff at the same time. My most recent purchase featured 20-something rolls of toilet paper because, really, why buy only a few at a time?

I should mention, though, that sometimes I've got a really random item in my cart. So, for example, let's say I have some soap, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, and ...a camping chair. Is that weird? The last time I went I had tons of toilet paper, a wide variety of hair products, multiple boxes of things 'n' stuff, and a TV and VCR. First off, who buys a VCR? Why would anyone want a VCR? Well, I wanted one. So there. But, maybe the checker was thinking, "Surely anyone who actually wants a VCR is a shoplifter!" Wrong!

My "No Bag" Policy: If I can easily carry my purchases out of the store without the use of a plastic bag, I like to do so. Why? Because we have an entire drawer-full of plastic bags at home. Also, I am a big fan of the principle of "Reduce" when it comes to the consumption of non-edible items. (If they're edible and tasty, I say, "Mmmmm, more! More!") The "No Bag" Policy typically warrants the careful scrutinization of my receipt and the items that I'm carrying. One time I was even chased out the door by the greeter. What a greeting!

I Am Slow: One reason I like to go to Wal-Mart late at night is because the store isn't as crowded. The lack of crowd drastically reduces my need to say "hi" to a hundred people I know in the store. It also typically prevents a mini high school reunion (and believe me, I like to avoid those as much as possible). Another reason I prefer night shopping is that I can park my cart in an aisle and sit there and stare at all of the choices. I can go back and forth comparing brands, products, and labels so that I can make the purchase I want to make, without feeling like I'm in anyone's way. Also, sometimes I'm not actually looking to buy an item, I'm just browsing for knowledge of the product if I am contemplating its purchase in the near or far future.

So, now that I've detailed what, in my opinion, are the tell tale signs of shoplifting, which I exhibit, I think I've figured out what I should change:

Nothing.

General Conference Edition

In case you don't know, 9:00 isn't sleeping in to me. The time has to be around 9:30 or 10:00 or perhaps noon to constitute sleeping in for me. Ah... general conference. It's the only time when I can get out of bed during the prelude and still make it in time for the beginning of church. Going to church in one's pajamas is so delightful. I grab my soft, blue blanket and head downstairs for the big pillow, so as to listen to the prophet's words in comfort.

Unfortunately, this isn't the scenario on the Saturday of April's conference because I work that day. So, conference entails plugging away at taxes as I listen to the conference over the internet. Sometimes I don't pay attention when they announce who is speaking, so I have to rely on my voice recognition skills to know who is speaking. That's fine when it comes to the First Presidency or the Twelve Apostles (even perhaps the Relief Society Presidency), but beyond that, I'm pretty clueless. I can, however, pick out whether it's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing or some other group, such as the BYU mixed chorus or whatever that was Saturday afternoon.

Ah, Saturday evening. Actually, I don't really have any traditions associated with Saturday evening. The one part that I enjoy is that I can go to stores or any place in public looking like a heifer, and I don't feel badly about it because I surely won't be seeing any datable males while I'm out. ...and that's what I did (went out looking like a heifer). I wanted to stop by Deseret Book because I've always wanted to go to Ladies' Night. I didn't want to go because of the deals or the treats (remember, I'm not eating sweets this month), but more because I wanted to see who goes to these nights and to see if it resembles shopping around Christmastime. It did. It actually reminded me more of my university days and the first week of school in the bookstore. The lines were soooo long. Ugh. We (my mom, Banana, and Ewan) were in and out in five minutes, the entirety of which we were trying to get through to anywhere. I must say that I was the only heifer in the crowd. All the other ladies were dressed to the nines. Nice for them.

The next stop was Wal-Mart. I sprained my other ankle, and I had to get another wrap. I learned that I have very flexible feet, but apparently they aren't flexible enough for what they were trying to do. I also picked up some ingredients for the all-too-delicious breakfast pizza. Mmmmm... breakfast pizza. The rest of the night was spent wasting people in Rummikub, troubleshooting my computer, and reading a little Zilpha Keatley Snyder.

Okay, so what's with losing an hour of sleep? Hello! Who thought of that? Daylight savings, shmaylight shmavings. I think they're brilliant in October, but I can't stand them in April. Fortunately, like I said before, I can sleep until the prelude and then get up and be on time for 'church.' Sure, church is technically longer during general conference, but I get to wear pajamas. No nylons, no heeled shoes, no dresses, skirts or slips. Just pajamas. That's worth the extra hour. For sure. Not to mention that the speakers are fantastic. The big pillow is awfully nice, too. So nice, in fact, that I dozed off a few times, much to my dismay. I may have to listen to conference again tomorrow at work, just to see if I missed anything, which I'm sure I did. They're building a new temple it Niceville, Florida? What? I'm kidding. By the way, I got revenge on Banana yesterday for when she used to tickle my feet or side or ear when I'd fall asleep when we were younger. She had her eyes closed, so I tickled her feet. Mua ahahahah ahahah!

Okay, so seriously, don't you just sometimes like to be lazy and do nothing? Like, ... stay in your pajamas all day and not shower? I love it. I did break down and shower tonight, but I went almost the entire day without showering. It was great. I seem to vaguely recall that we watched that new Ensign edition of the Joseph Smith story on DVD in English and then in Spanish after conference. I didn't actually watch it because I was snoozing away on the big pillow, but I did hear the whole "Vi una columna de luz" part, and I was like, is this Spanish or English? I was delirious.

And then we played Scrabble, and then Seek, and then Boggle, and it was great, and I ate breakfast pizza, and I loved this weekend. Loved it. Thank you for your time. I hope your weekend was as great as mine.

My Trip to Providence

Hello, everyone! I just wanted to write a little about my trip to Providence. The actual traveling time didn't take too long. It wasn't too tiresome. The first thing that I noticed when coming into Providence was the infamous lighthouse. I hope you enjoy the photos I took of it. Whenever I see that particular lighthouse, I wonder at the inspiration of the builders of the lighthouse. Who first thought of building a lighthouse in that location? What was their reasoning behind it? Were they drunk? Are they delusional? I wonder from where their inspiration came, and I also contemplate the grand addition that the lighthouse was to the entire town.

After my moment of reflection over the lighthouse, I continue on in my visit to Providence. I always enjoy eating all-you-can-eat wings at an establishment at Providence. In addition, there is a fantastic shop with homemade ice cream there. My favorite flavor would have to be their peanut butter chocolate ice cream. I prefer to get the ice cream in a sugar cone. I mostly like the sugar cone. I only need a little bit of ice cream. Other great eating establishments at Providence that I enjoy are Bruno's and El Gallo. I find Bruno's to be a fantastic location for Italian food. I am addicted to their Ravioli dish. Those who are employed there can write up my order as soon as I walk in the door. That is fantastic. El Gallo is great due to its salsa. It is my preferred location for salsa out of anyplace nearby.

What is any visit to Providence, or any place, for that matter, unless there is a stop at the visitor-frequented Super Wal-Mart? I, personally, try to avoid stepping into Wal-Mart as much as I can, but sometimes necessity causes me to take steps into the world of agency-stealing commerce. Fortunately, this Wal-Mart is complete with a McDonald's, just in case you get hungry while trekking across the expanse of the all-purpose store. Or perhaps it's just in case you actually start to get low on saturated fats due to the trek.... I guess it depends upon your perspective.

After having visited the local eateries and the hub of local commerce, it is time to bid Providence adieu. It's been a nice visit. Until the next time...