Why I Could Never Go on A "Diet"

The other day I had a routine physical. It contained a urinalysis. The reason I shared that information is that I think mentioning a urinalysis is funny due to the movie "Fletch." Anyway, in preparation for this physical, I was supposed to fast for 8 - 12 hours beforehand and also abstain from eating sugary and fatty foods for an entire day prior to the tests. Now, I don't typically eat tons of sugary or fatty foods, but the second I told myself that I was not allowed to eat them, I craved them. For example, here is something that I would normally crave for dinner:



And suddenly, this is what I craved:



I don't even really like hot dogs! And aren't they mostly fat?

I also craved this:



I really don't crave ice cream very often, but I tell you what, the restriction of sweet stuff really caused me some serious cravings.

So hurry! Tell me that I'm not allowed to eat vegetables and grains!

Do They Taste Like Real Girl Scouts?

Today was one of the best days of the year. It's the day when the girl scouts drop off the boxes of cookies that I ordered from them. It's definitely a fund-raiser I can get behind. I also like it when people sell those pizza kits from Little Caesar's because they have an awesome thin-crust pepperoni, and their white chocolate macadamia nut cookie dough is absolutely delightful.

This year I got a modest stock of cookies. Three boxes of the thin mints, two boxes of the samoans, and one peanut butter box. Six boxes. That's not bad. I can probably eat that in a week.

Except, today is also a significant day. It is March 1, which I decided months ago would be the start of my yearly lent, if you will. It's not actually lent because I go without sweets, but it doesn't end at Easter Eve. I will resume my chocolate inhalation on Wednesday, April 18th when I go golfing for the first time this year. And, I'm not giving it up for any Christian reason. It's actually a selfish, vain, and rational thing that I just don't want to gain as much weight as I possibly could during this time of year.

And this year I need to be looking extra good because Cash is getting married on May 12. (Yay!) I will likely see a large number of people at her wedding festivities, and it's always good to give off a good impression to relatives who think I am otherwise a lazy moocher.

So, my dilemma is: do I stick with the original plan to not eat the cookies until April 18, or do I make an exception because I make my own rules? I typically do this for only one month. This year would be the first year of the extension.

I need your votes in the comments. Peace out.

Updates on NCAA B-ball + No Sweets Month

Ah, the bracketology. Ah, the upsets. Ah, my upset bracket. The teams that probably hurt me the most this year were the upsets of Kansas, Tennessee, and Ohio State. I had picked those teams to go pretty far. I would like to commend UCLA on their excellent comeback against Gonzaga tonight. I saw the score when they were down by 12 with only about 6 minutes left or something like that and was pleasantly surprised when they won. I thought that I was looking at the destruction of my bracket there for a little while. Yes, I picked UCLA to win the ENTIRE thing. I was also scared about Texas. I picked Texas to go to the Final Four. They almost lost, but then they won. Phew!

I am pleased to report that all of my final four teams are still in it. ...for now. We will see about tomorrow. Will there be another upset? Go Georgetown. GO! I want to see a #7 in the Elite Eight. And let's just face it: it would be really, really sweet for #11 George Mason to go all the way, but #7 Wichita State isn't a bad pick, either.


I'm guessing that there are quite a few people who picked Duke to win it all. ... oops, and sorry to all those people. Poor, poor Duke fans (yeah... players, too). The Memphis/UCLA bracket is the only one that has the #1 and #2 team playing in the Elite Eight. Cool. I love upsets. Too bad I didn't pick the t-shirt team (Memphis) to win this last game. Yeah.... I picked Kansas. (Shoooooot.)

So, that is my update.

Sweet Caroline... wah wah wah... blah blah blah blah blah... I don't know the words.... (No comments about that line, please. I know it was lame.) Well, the no sweets month is going fine. Yesterday and the day before were sort of rough days for some of the people in my office due to a lost skiier, a familial death, etc. Well, what happened was an outflow of love from people which created an inflow of treats. There is this gigantic brownie with pecans and caramel over the top of it just sitting there, tempting me, mocking me, luring me. The funny thing is, I normally wouldn't even want any of it. The same thing goes for a lot of the treats with which I have been surrounded. I don't want them. I don't need them. I don't normally crave them. There's something about not being allowed to eat it that makes me want to eat it. Don't worry, I don't eat them. I am sweets free.

Brilliant idea (if I may say so myself) derived from the no sweets month: So... what should happen is that for an entire month, all of the bishoprics in all of the singles wards should get up and tell people that they shouldn't date for the month. They could call it a 'No Date Month.' It could be a challenge, sort of like the whole 'read The Book of Mormon' thing was, and people will get up and share their testimonies about how the 'No Date Month' has really changed their perspective about dating, and then we can have some people get up and say how hard it was because they aren't used to being dateless on the weekends. And then some people would get up and say that they already weren't dating, but this month that they weren't dating, they suddenly got a lot more out of not dating than they had before.

And then, suddenly after the "No Date Month" gets over, some people who previously dated a lot would maybe have realized that they don't have to date to still have fun and be a cool person. Perhaps some people would have craved dating all month (when they normally don't) and all of a sudden have felt the urge to date. Maybe there would be no change for some people in the amount of dating in which they participate, but perhaps their perspective about it will have changed. Maybe people would be happier. A collective month off of dating... hmmm... it could work. Don't you think?

Sugar Pie, Honey Bun

So, yeah. Because of Indy's post, I have decided to not eat sweets for an entire month, starting with March 15 and ending on April 15. Well, there are actually more reasons than just her post, but I think the post gave me the extra push that I needed to do this. One of my coworkers is joining me, and I hope to be able to accomplish the goal. I think it'll be good for tax season because I spend an excessive amount of time in a chair during this time of year.

Actually, it reminds me of the juice fast that went on in the blogging world. I remember that the juice fast post that Julie wrote was the first real blog post that I had read (with exception to the movie blog, which is rarely updated anymore). That was the post that caused me to want to blog. So, then I signed up and started a blog. So, indirectly, the juice fast inspired my blog. I didn't participate in the juice fast, and in fact, I have only recently become aware that there were more than two people participating. Anyway... I am excited for this month thing because I've done it before, and I felt really happy about it when I did it. Lately I've been having excessive chocolate cravings, so I figure that this month will help me tame those chocolate cravings.

Yeah, so that's it. If you feel like joining, that would be great. It could be like an AA meeting on my blog, only about sugary sweets. For me, it'll mostly be chocolate. I wonder if they have online quitting smoking or drinking or drug sites? That's really not a bad idea. People could go on and when they feel the cravings, they could post a comment, and people can share each others' pain and listen to each other and help each other to accomplish those goals. They probably have those sites, but I don't feel like figuring out if they really do. Anyway. I need to go stuff myself with chocolate in preparation for the 15th.