Regarding Pansies

The other day I decided to go to a local nursery to purchase some flowers and some gardening items, since I didn't have much in the way of gardening items. As I bypassed a creepy human-animatronic-creepy-dude-guy-thing-man-farmer that totally freaked me out as I entered the greenhouse area, I made my way to the flowers section.

There was a little boy of about six years that I didn't know sitting at a picnic table. He greeted me:

Little Boy: "Didn't you bring your kids for me to play with?"

Me: "I'm sorry. I don't have any kids."

Little Boy: "Oh. Well, then you need to find one in your belly sometime, and then later I could play with them."

Me: "Oh, but I'm not married."

Little Boy: "Okay, so then you need need to find a man who has never been married and then get married."

Me: "Yes. Yes, I do need to do that."

I guess there's a shortage of children to play with in the flower section of nurseries, and I am so not pulling my weight around here in that area.

Date-ematics: It Equals 200

Well, I realized as I sat down to blog, that this is my 200th post. 200! I can't believe that I have posted that many times. 200 pieces of blackmail for all the world to read about me. Moving on... If you recall, I once did a fantastically nerdy post for my 50th post, and since I pretty much have no new ideas for blogging topics, I give you:

Date-ematics

Definition: The non-word "date-ematics" is not-so-cleverly contrived from the English word "date," which is a social engagement often of the romantic nature and "mathematics," which can be shortened to "math" or "maths," if you're not from North America. "Mathematics" comes from the Greek word "mathema" or something, which means learning, study, science. So, if we cram all of these together, we come to define date-ematics as the learning, study, or science of social engagements often of the romantic nature.

Elementary Date-ematics: One of the first things that we learn, even as young children, is that in order to learn about or study dating (or maths), one must be able to count. Starting at with one, the subject can then move to two, and then to three, until a sufficient understanding has been achieved of the subject matter (i.e. dating). The concept of zero exists, but it is understood that if the quantity of dates is zero, the learning derived from dating will also be zero. The same is true for a specific subject matter. If one wants to learn more about a particular subject in the sphere of dating, then the number of dates with the subject matter cannot equal zero.

Even our prehistoric ancestors understood this concept, as you can see from this photograph that I found of our prehistoric ancestors on the internet. And as you know, nothing on the internet can lie:



As you can see, our prehistoric ancestors chose to invent fire as their dating activity. It is my belief that even today, just as it was true for our ancestors, one can learn much from a date that involves fire.

Date-ematics Theories and Areas of Study: Alas, date-ematics is such an involved field of study with many theories. It has been studied for millennia, but even today, humans everywhere are still learning, studying, and theorizing about the subject. Some commonly-tested theories or areas of study:

Number theory, Group theory, Order theory, Geodate-ry, Date-onometry, Abstract dategebra, Differential Geodate-ry, Topdate-logy, Fractal geodate-ry, Measure theory, Calcdate-us, Chaos theory, Complex analysis, Cryptdate-graphy, etc.

Applied Date-ematics: Probably the most successful field of study is Applied Date-ematics. This field considers the use of abstract date-ematical tools in solving problems in the area of dating. Applied Date-ematics considers a whole variety of different, but related fields, such as: Date-ematical physics, Fluid dynamics, Date-merical analysis, Optimization, Probability theory, Statistics, Financial date-ematics, Game theory, Date-ematical biology, Date-ematical chemistry, Date-onomics, and the control theory.

I sincerely hope that you have enjoyed this partial discussion of Date-ematics. As you apply date-ematics into your life, I hope that it brings you as much excitement and happiness as it did these cavemen below:



This photo was taken prehistorically, which as you know means, pre-discovery of the internet, but post-discovery of The Gap.

And Bring Your Dragons Three, Climb Up My Hemlock Tree

Sometimes I can't think of the right word. I love the Thesaurus. Unfortunately, I still couldn't find the right word, even with the Thesaurus. Basically, I'm looking for a synonym of vain, self-serving, etc. That's what this post is. A little bit. I'm going to essentially tell you how great I am. If you don't want to hear it, you should stop reading now.

One thing that is awesome about me is that I realize that I have power over my own feelings, especially for my feelings about other people. I can choose to feel or think different things about people. I think a large number of individuals think that they can't help it if they love or hate someone. I totally disagree.

I am also not the kind of person that checks people out all the time. I don't go around looking at people as eye candy all the time. Generally, when I meet someone, it takes some kind of outside influence for me to check them out. I basically view everyone as a friend upon first encounter. I don't constantly have my radar on looking for hot people.

And now, the story. The other week I was just going about my life as usual, minding my own business and being silly. All of a sudden a guy I didn't know made a derogatory remark about his own appearance. This remark caused me to notice him. And so I checked him out, basically. And not only was his remark not true, but I actually thought to myself, "Wow. He is really hot. I am totally physically attracted to him." And actually, because I don't constantly have my hotness radar on, experiences like that are sometimes good for me to have because it helps remind me that I should really care about dating.

Upon further experiences with this person, I found that I was not only physically attracted to him, but I also really liked him. So I developed a crush. Unfortunately, he does not meet some of the essential requirements of a person who I should date, so he is off the radar. But I still kind of had a crush.

Now back to the awesomeness of the ability to choose who we like. I'm so glad that I realize that even though I was totally crushing on this guy who wouldn't be good for me to really like and/or pursue, I don't have to continue to like him. I can choose to not continue these crush-like feelings for him. And that is awesome. It is so relieving to know that I can stop the feelings of crush. I know that I make it sound so easy, like it's some switch that you can turn on or off, which it isn't, but yet, it is possible to change those feelings. And that is cool. And sometimes I have to pray a while (even sometimes a long while) to get rid of some of the feelings for the crushes, but I guess that I am just so happy about that. ... that I CAN choose and that life isn't so dramatically hopeless when you find someone that is totally attractive to you who wouldn't be good for you.

Hooray for choice and that we can choose our loves, our friends, and our enemies!

Other People's Comments About My Love Life (or Lack Thereof)

If you've been single for any length of time, you've probably had a fair share of people make comments on your love life or lack thereof. And you've probably also noticed that some of those comments are HIL.AR.IOUS. And while I generally don't like to publish stories of my love life or lack thereof on the interwebs, I feel that some of the comments are really funny, and we should laugh at them. So, I may periodically post some of them.

Friend: It took you nine months to decide what car to buy and 4 years to decide what house to buy. How long is it going to take you to decide who to marry?

When Things Come Out Wrong

I went to a meeting tonight where the speaker was in the Presidency of the Quorum of the Seventy. During this meeting, the speaker said that he was going to date some of us by asking the next question, and he proceeded to ask those of us who were alive before 1980 to raise our hands. Most of the people who attended that meeting were likely between the ages of 18 - 23. But, there were still a couple of people who raised their hands, so I did, as well, seeing as how I was born before that time. He probably wasn't expecting people who were there to be that old.

After the meeting, I went up to meet and shake hands with the speaker, and I said, "You dated me." There was much confusion at this comment, and I realized that he, and another older man standing next to him, thought that I meant that he dated me, like went out with/courted me. So, I foolishly explained what I meant, i.e. that he pointed out that I AM OLD, and I was rushed along my way.

But anyway, yeah, I told a member of the Presidency of the Seventy that he dated me. Can you say that? Can you? Huh?

Blog Exchange

Yeah, so Warnser and I decided to do a blog exchange and post on each others' blogs. He has posted the one that I wrote. You can read it here. And don't forget to comment. Warnser likes comments. And feedback. And I like them, too.

Relationship Month: Marrying for Money

Thank you to one of my readers, Horker P. Slappy, for sending me this story about relationships. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did...

A few years ago, I worked at a place where all of my immediate coworkers were originally from Mexico. They had all lived in the US for several years, and I think they were legal. (Not entirely sure.) One day, just a couple of weeks after the dating relationship I had been in ended, one of my coworkers approached me with an interesting set-up idea. He had a friend who was hoping for a green card. This friend would pay me $2000 to marry him, in name only he assured me, so that he could get legal status in the US. All I would have to do is show up at the JOP, take this guy's name for a year, and take the money and go my way. After the year was up, I would be free to divorce the guy or annul the marriage, and I would get good samaritan bonus points for helping a fellow in need. Tempting, but no. I politely declined, although my coworker tried for several days to convince me. I just never felt like that would be a good idea.

And, I agree, Horker. I agree. When I was a missionary in Houston, I had a similar experience. I don't think I was offered $2,000, though. Now I feel like a one cow wife.

In all seriousness, it was also explained to me that if you're going to get citizenship, you have to be able to prove that you are still together for seven years, or something. And I heard it's easier if you procreate together. Maybe. I could be remembering wrong. And, I'm guessing that a green card is different.

Reminder: If you have something to say, say it in the comments, or you can e-mail me at cardinesblog atsign blogspot dot com.

Relationship Month: Banana's Story

I got an e-mail from banana with the following story about being set up.

About being set up: I've been on a few blind dates, but far and away the one that sticks out in my memory was when my cousin, Heather R., set up 20 girls with 20 guys. What we did was meet in the park and all the girls put one shoe in a pile, and the boys put one of their shoes in another pile. We had a random list of strange facts about our date, so we had to get a shoe from the other pile, find the person to whom the shoe belonged, and ask them a question to see if the 'shoe fit' or if they give the right answer. When we all found our dates, we then had a pot luck meal, and out-door games. There were a few people that ended up dating from the evening, some phone numbers exchanged, and even one marriage that resulted. My date was a trekkie from California. We talked a few more times, and he came to Thanksgiving with my family one year. Then I never heard from him again. (Oh wait, wasn't that a different blog theme?)

(Yes. Yes it was.) Sorry if he didn't like our family because of me. :)

Relationship Month: Getting Set Up

Every once in a while I'll have people mention to me that they'd like to set me up with someone of their acquaintence. I've gone through periods in my life when I've felt very unwilling to go on dates that were set up, but I've also gone through times when it actually sounds fun. Now is one of the times when it sounds fun. Sure, I've been "set up" with someone that I've already known, and I've gone with someone who basically interviewed me for their open position of "wife." (I obviously failed that interview.) Those types of dating set ups are really, really pretty awkward, but I feel that it's sometimes fun to meet different people, even if it isn't a love connection, which, for me, it rarely is (okay, it never has been).

I've been asked a couple of times in the last few months if I would be willing to be set up with someone's coworker or their friend. I've said 'yes' both of those times, but for some reason, nothing has happened. Apparently the follow-through is lacking in those areas or the desire of the other party to the set up.

I think that the first guy is someone that my coworker tried to set me up with about three or four years ago, but I said no at the time. I wasn't in the set up mode then. In fact, I wasn't even wanting to date at all at the time. I didn't even realize that it was probably the same guy until a few days after I had given my phone number to the instigator of the set up. It's been about a month and a half, but I haven't heard anything, so I guess it's just too bad. And it is. It is.

The second guy speaks Spanish as his first language. In fact, I'm not sure how much English he knows. I'm not sure if he's even legally in this country. I think I can follow-up better on this one. Call me crazy, but I really, really want to go. If I go, I think I'll try to make it a double and see if my friend Sara will go, too. The person instigating the set up already asked me how I feel about dating Latin men. I guess there would be some people who might object, but I can't see how being Latin would be an automatic deal breaker. But maybe that's just me. I can say, though, that I am opposed to having a relationship with someone who is involved in illegal activities, so I suppose if I found out that he's not legal, the dating would have to cease.

So, I would like your feedback. If you're single, how do you feel about being set up? Do you have any stories relating to being set up? If you're married, do you get involved in setting people up? If so, why? If not, why not? Do you have any stories? Please share. Please. In the comments or by e-mailing me at cardinesblog atsign gmail dot com. Thanks.

Also, IamsohappybecausethereisnowarestaurantinmytownthatservesJapanesehibachiandsushi!

November: Relationship Month

Last November, if you remember, it was enchilada month here at Cardine's Blog. Well, this November, I think we'll have another theme that involves reader participation. By the way, thank you to all of my faithful readers who have been patient with me while I haven't written anything for the past few weeks.

Anyway, this month is Relationship Month here at Cardine's Blog. It seems like people have a lot to say about relationships. They have stories, advice, theories, etc. I'm hoping that y'all are willing to share a little bit with me about the wide topic of relationships. Please, please share with me some of these items this month in either the form of comments on one of my posts or by e-mailing me at cardinesblog @ gmail dot com, and I will post your words here on my blog, plus a link to your blog.

To get the month started, here is a link to all of the posts that I have labeled "dating." Enjoy!

Doctor, Ain't There Nothin' I Can Take?

Some people are born with attributes or qualities that make them more dateable or more attractive to the opposite sex. Perhaps they’re born with fine eyes, endearing dimples, kissable lips, or nice hands and feet. I was born with something that, above all other things, has attracted guys to me. That is known as U.S. citizenship.

On our trip to Peru we had a driver in Lima who took us from the airport to the hostel and back to the airport when it was time to go to Cusco. His name was Luis. He was such a nice guy. He carried all of our luggage for us, put it in the van, drove safely, and took us to see some sites to and from the airport. He was great. Our hostel arranged for this transportation, and by the time he dropped us at the Lima airport, dub and crew were lining up a time for him to meet them when they came back through Lima. They had quite a few hours of a layover in Lima on the way back. Luis was more than accommodating with their schedules.

I hadn’t been paying attention to their arrangements, and as he walked off, dub and I realized that he could do the same for me when I had my layover. We chased him down and planned for him to meet me.

Cusco was great. We did a little touristy stuff, a little humanitarian stuff, the whole Machu Picchu thing, etc. While we were there we went to a Catholic Cathedral and took a tour. The tour guide explained the significance of a lot of the art and architecture of the cathedral and connected chapels. It was quite interesting. We were particularly interested when she showed us a statue of Saint Anthony of Padua and explained that he was the patron saint of single people. Dub devised an experiment. Half of us could pray to God and half of us could pray to Saint Anthony of Padua and then we could see the results of the experiment. I picked God as if he were going to play on my elementary school capture the flag team. At least, that’s how it ended up sounding to me.

Sunday, the day for me to part from them, came too quickly. I was off to the airport already. The airline tried to keep me in Cusco another day, but I wouldn’t hear of it. Then my flight was an hour late. I kept poor Luis waiting for me at the airport, but when I picked up my luggage, there he was! And we were out of there. He gave me the option of sitting up next to him, which I would normally do, but I ended up opting for the back. I think I felt a teensy bit uncomfortable being by myself with him.

He explained to me that he had four hours that he could take me on a tour of the beautiful city, take me out to eat, and go to parks. I wasn’t really hungry or in the mood for hitting the town. To be honest, I just wanted to sit back and enjoy a ride with the view. Also, I have this very bad habit of not knowing my cards’ PINs, so I wasn’t able to get out more cash than I already had with me, which meant that I wouldn’t be able to afford the time he had been waiting for me, the four-hour tour, the airport tax, and the coconut gelato that I had been eyeing at the airport. We agreed to two hours. Plus, Harry Potter #5 was calling my name.

We took a road that we had traveled previously when we were in Lima. It went down by the beach. It was beautiful. They had a lighthouse in Miraflores (where we had stayed previously). It was by the water! Water! Can you believe that? A lighthouse adjacent to water!?! The sun was setting. The scene was picturesque. You’ll have to trust me on this one. I refused to drag out my camera to take pictures at this point on the trip.

Luis and I spoke of the country, politics, and the culture. He asked me about my family, and I asked him about his. I was surprised that this guy was single! I mean, he just seemed like a 40-something guy who probably had a family, but no. He was 36 and single. We even shared the same occupation (except I don’t drive vans in addition to my regular employment).

He asked me about my travel companions. He asked me why none of us were married. We talked about religion. The conversations were going well. We were good at communicating, even though my Spanish was more than rusty. When he would pause, searching for words, I was able to fill in the blanks with the word, and he would reply, “Exxxxactamente.” (Really, it was quite endearing.) He asked me what sort of things I look for in a potential mate. Then he talked about some of the customs of Lima and local hang-outs. He drove me to a few different parks in the area. There was a park of love that we stopped by. Here is a photo I found online of the place:

I didn’t get out of the van. In fact, I started to feel uncomfortable (this is sort of a lie because I had already been feeling a bit uncomfortable). Apparently, the park was where people went who wanted to have a romantic date. Some people even got married at the park. As he inquired more after my life in the states and about what qualities were important to me in a date, I decided to steer the discussion back into the realms of anything-but-dating-or-me. We touched some more on religion, politics, and culture.

I confess that there was a time when the thought crossed my mind that I was an absolute fool for coming with a strange Peruvian male on a tour of the city by myself. It was when we left the parks of love and the nice areas near the coast around Miraflores where I felt slightly oriented and drove into parts of town that looked kind of ghetto and otherwise closed in. And, I didn’t know where we were. Potentially scary experiences would pop into my mind, but I would shove them out and do some more nervous-talking.

But, Luis was very nice. He actually took me into the part of the city where many of the government buildings were. We went to Peru’s presidential mansion and other buildings around the area. We spoke of immigration to the U.S. and the state of the average tax-paying worker in Peru (and I thought our taxes were high!).

On the way back to the airport, we continued our discussion. It seemed that he was taking a detour or the long way around to the airport entrance. I was distracted because of that. All of a sudden, Luis was talking about coming to the U.S. to visit as my groom. What?!? My Spanish failed me. Did he say “groom?” I wasn’t sure because I hadn’t heard that particular word before used as groom. In fact, I can’t even tell you what it is right now, but it sounded a lot like groom to me. I stuttered and told him that I wasn’t quite sure that I had understood him. The airport was in view. We were almost there. He repeated and asked if it would be okay for him to come to visit me in the United Sates and come as my groom.

I am guessing that my eyes were either bulging or being really shifty at the time. I’m also thinking that my demeanor at that point was giving off some negatory vibes, and he quickly said that it was a joke.

Ha ha.

As we pulled into the small airport parking lot, he asked me if it would be okay if we parked and talked for a bit. Scenes of Back to the Future popped into my head.

Do you mind if we park for a while?

I was glad that I had chosen to sit in the back. He shifted around in his chair to look at me, and we probably talked a good 20 or 30 minutes longer. Rather, I mostly talked as he asked questions about religion. I was a lot more comfortable, in spite of that fact that he was staring at me. He was probably thinking that it was some sort of miracle that my Spanish was flowing so easily in this conversation. He was also very interested in what I was saying, and wanted a copy of The Book of Mormon. I told him that my sister probably had one for him. I also asked if I could send over some visitors to him, and he said yes. He told me that he would give dub his address when she came through in a few days (which ended up not happening because their flight was canceled).

We then parted ways after he walked me into the terminal. I was able to relax with some gelato – half dish coconut, half dish lime. Delicious!

And so it was that I had experienced a romantic Peruvian proposal of immigration, and so it was that God was proved to be the true God of single people and not Saint Anthony of Padua.

Generation W

Of course you've heard of Generation X and Generation Y, but have you heard of Generation W? No? Probably not. It's a term that my coworker made up to refer to the generation of single people today. There's a lot of symbolism in the chosen letter that represents this generation.

One of the symbols is that W stands for wussy. He thinks that we are wussy. I agree, and I admit that that particular adjective has escaped my lips numerous times in the past year referring to other people in my demographic. I think it's true. I mean, an apostle gave a talk about dating. Why would this be necessary? What is wrong with us? Why are people incapable of going on dates?

Because they're wussy, that's why. With the widespread use of the internet and cell phones, it doesn't make it any better, either. People have lost the ability to socially interact in non-awkward ways. If you ever visited my church meeting for young single adults, you'd see what I mean. It's like everyone's scared of each other. I have never seen a group of people that are so much in need of getting grabbed and kissed. It's pathetic. It's almost as if all the talks of morality and "no hanging out" have completely robotized the population. Males cower into their groups while hot girls sit by themselves and don't talk to anyone. There are no conversations that lead to anything definitive. It's like an entire generation of lukewarm water.

Generation W is also very in it for themselves (double you, get it?). It's not what they can do for others and how they affect others, but it's all about what others do for them. And they react accordingly, instead of acting for themselves. Their regard for other people is highly based upon how the other person treats them. They follow; they don't lead. And they are quick to judge others before finding out who they really are. I think that's pretty wussy in itself.

We are as the army of Helaman, my eye. Was the army of Helaman wussy? I think not. Their mothers taught them, but they were not mamma's boys. They probably didn't need Helaman to tell them to take out the cute girl in their city.

Of course, not everyone is actually like that. There are the cool and the brave. And people like them. Why? Because they have personality. They can say yes please or no thank you. They can carry on normal conversations without peeing their pants. An uncomfortable situation is calmly and boldly dealt with. They make choices that are in their best interest but in consideration of other people's needs and feelings.

Alright, alright. I know this sounds harsh or like a ranting or something. I acknowledge that there are a lot of scary things out there that probably influence people into being more reserved or careful about various choices in their lives. I'm part of this generation, too. I can admit it. But really. Think about it. An apostle gave a talk about going on dates. Seriously, duh.

Telling Fortunes and Nostalgia

Once upon a time, there were four girls who were on a high school German trip. These four girls shared a room. It was a rule that boys were not allowed in girls' rooms and girls were not allowed in boys' rooms, but these girls wanted to hang out with some of their boy friends on the trip, so they all decided to sneak into the girls' room. Unfortunately after the boys had sneaked into the room, the chaperone, who for the sake of the story will be called Dick Nixon, planted himself in the hallway pretty much right outside of their room. Basically, if the boys wanted to go back to their room, either they'd have to do a pretty dang good job of sneaking in there, or they would get in trouble.

The students came up with some distractions for Dick. One of them was for a girl to run down the hall saying "I'm Jan Brady!" There were other plans concocted, such as climbing out the window. Instead of this sneakery, the students decided to bide their time telling each others' fortunes by use of poker cards. Surely tricky Dick couldn't sit out there all night!

And so while they were patiently awaiting the time when Dick would go to sleep in his room, the fortunes were told of who each person would marry.

Years passed. Relationships came and went. One of the girls got married. The other three took a biking trip to St. George with two more of their friends. That night, fortunes were told and retold. Names came and went, such as Paul N.

Years passed again. There were more marriages from the male side, and possibly one declaration of gayness (but I'm not positive about that one). One of the girls was in a silly mood and told her sister's fortune one fateful night. Later, her sister called her up to ask how to tell fortunes in this manner. The girl explained the fortune-telling process. Later, the girl received an e-mail informing her that her sister had told a fortune to her roommate, and consequently, the roommated decided to implement the telling of fortunes in her writing class at the University of Utah. And thus we now know the partial history of this fortune-telling by poker cards. So, if there is a freshman at the U who offers to tell your fortune, you know from whence it came.

Spielberg and Rockwell

Happy Valentine's Day! Don't have a valentine? Consider me your valentine. I choo-choo-choose you!

This post doesn't actually have that much to do with Valentine's Day. I guess I can make a tie to it, though. I usually have a famous person "crush." Well, back in the 90's, one of my crushes was Christian Bale. That is your Valentine's Day reference. You'll see how this ties into my post later.

I can't even remember what brought up the discussion, but my coworker and I were somehow discussing Norman Rockwell's Four Freedoms paintings. We were talking about how Steven Spielberg sometimes creates homages to his paintings in his films and how "Empire of the Sun" (the tie-in: starring Christian Bale) has a scene like Rockwell's "Freedom from Fear."

I watched the movie last night, and I decided to post the two. I also accidentally rented an R-rated movie and didn't realize it until the string of f#$&*! and nudity. Yikes!

Norman Rockwell: Freedom from Fear
Artwork from artchive.com

Here is a shot of from "Empire of the Sun."

Photo courtesy of aiming my camera at my computer, which was playing the movie.

PS Google, I love how you change your logo, depending on the holiday or whatnot, but... did you forget the "L?"

Date-onomics: A Partial Discussion

Hi. This is my 50th post. I haven't posted it until today because I was trying to think of something special to do with this post to celebrate the big five-o. Well, I couldn't think of anything. My friend Julie used to tell me sometimes that she would be interested in reading a post about dating, so without further prefacing by me (except to say that yes, I realize that this is quite the nerdy post), here is my post about dating, dedicated to Julie.

Date-onomics

Definition: The non-word "date-onomics" comes partially from the Greek word nomos "custom, law" (correct me if I'm wrong, Warnser) and the English word date "social engagement often of the romantic nature" and thus means social engagement management. Essentially, date-onomics is the study of human choice behavior, applied to dating. The subject has two broad categories. One category is microdate-onomics, which deals with the individual, and the other category is macrodate-onomics, which deals with the culture or community. In this post, I am focusing more on the microdate-onomics as applied to myself.

Date-onomic Assumption: Under date-onomic theory, there exists a theory of value. I have decided that there is a "dating theory of value," which assumes that a date or a boyfriend is worth the labor and effort that it takes to produce. Often, I forget that I have this theory, but there it is. It does exist.

Supply and Demand: I am going to (very briefly) attempt to describe, explain, and predict the appropriate amount of flirting and number of males available to produce a date in my life. Scary, yes, but this is date-onomics, so it must be done. Please follow me on my journey through this model:

Willingness to flirt: In other words, this is the effort that I have to put into being asked out or going on dates. Sometimes this includes my effort in asking someone out. In the classic supply and demand model, this is known as PRICE.
Number of Males: Basically, this is the same as in the classic model: QUANTITY.
Datable Males: Datable males are people who I would consider to be datable. The requirements vary and would require an entirely different post itself. Naturally, this is SUPPLY.
Desire: In other words, how interested am I in dating? Do I have the time to date? Am I reminded of the dating theory of value? How many females are out there competing for males (and ferosciously, at that)? Is the opportunity cost of dating greater than the opportunity cost of not dating? In the classic model, this is known as DEMAND.

Let us not forget that this model is subject to certain constraints, one of them being scarcity. For example, one can have more dates by flirting more effectively, looking prettier, etc., but there may not be enough time to fit in all of the dates that come from that behavior, so time is scarce in some cases. Fortunately, this is not a problem for me. Moving on...


So, as you can see, there really is only one point at which I will date, and that is during a blue moon that occurs on a Friday, when pigs fly, hell freezes over, and my desire to date crosses with the datable males. In other words, timing and miracles. (Please notice the areas of shortage and surplus, as well.)

In conclusion, there really is a perfectly rational explanation for date-onomics. I can even graph it. Any questions, class?

Updates on NCAA B-ball + No Sweets Month

Ah, the bracketology. Ah, the upsets. Ah, my upset bracket. The teams that probably hurt me the most this year were the upsets of Kansas, Tennessee, and Ohio State. I had picked those teams to go pretty far. I would like to commend UCLA on their excellent comeback against Gonzaga tonight. I saw the score when they were down by 12 with only about 6 minutes left or something like that and was pleasantly surprised when they won. I thought that I was looking at the destruction of my bracket there for a little while. Yes, I picked UCLA to win the ENTIRE thing. I was also scared about Texas. I picked Texas to go to the Final Four. They almost lost, but then they won. Phew!

I am pleased to report that all of my final four teams are still in it. ...for now. We will see about tomorrow. Will there be another upset? Go Georgetown. GO! I want to see a #7 in the Elite Eight. And let's just face it: it would be really, really sweet for #11 George Mason to go all the way, but #7 Wichita State isn't a bad pick, either.


I'm guessing that there are quite a few people who picked Duke to win it all. ... oops, and sorry to all those people. Poor, poor Duke fans (yeah... players, too). The Memphis/UCLA bracket is the only one that has the #1 and #2 team playing in the Elite Eight. Cool. I love upsets. Too bad I didn't pick the t-shirt team (Memphis) to win this last game. Yeah.... I picked Kansas. (Shoooooot.)

So, that is my update.

Sweet Caroline... wah wah wah... blah blah blah blah blah... I don't know the words.... (No comments about that line, please. I know it was lame.) Well, the no sweets month is going fine. Yesterday and the day before were sort of rough days for some of the people in my office due to a lost skiier, a familial death, etc. Well, what happened was an outflow of love from people which created an inflow of treats. There is this gigantic brownie with pecans and caramel over the top of it just sitting there, tempting me, mocking me, luring me. The funny thing is, I normally wouldn't even want any of it. The same thing goes for a lot of the treats with which I have been surrounded. I don't want them. I don't need them. I don't normally crave them. There's something about not being allowed to eat it that makes me want to eat it. Don't worry, I don't eat them. I am sweets free.

Brilliant idea (if I may say so myself) derived from the no sweets month: So... what should happen is that for an entire month, all of the bishoprics in all of the singles wards should get up and tell people that they shouldn't date for the month. They could call it a 'No Date Month.' It could be a challenge, sort of like the whole 'read The Book of Mormon' thing was, and people will get up and share their testimonies about how the 'No Date Month' has really changed their perspective about dating, and then we can have some people get up and say how hard it was because they aren't used to being dateless on the weekends. And then some people would get up and say that they already weren't dating, but this month that they weren't dating, they suddenly got a lot more out of not dating than they had before.

And then, suddenly after the "No Date Month" gets over, some people who previously dated a lot would maybe have realized that they don't have to date to still have fun and be a cool person. Perhaps some people would have craved dating all month (when they normally don't) and all of a sudden have felt the urge to date. Maybe there would be no change for some people in the amount of dating in which they participate, but perhaps their perspective about it will have changed. Maybe people would be happier. A collective month off of dating... hmmm... it could work. Don't you think?

Reading Edgar

Today I took a moment to browse a book of selections by Edgar Allan Poe. "The Raven" is so scary! Every time I read the poem, I feel like ... well, like maybe Homer in The Simpsons halloween episode that depicts "The Raven" with Homer as the man. I've always felt this way about Edgar Allan Poe because of works like "The Tell-Tale Heart" and "The Black Cat." Freaky. His works should be in the horror section.

Anyway, I found this poem by Edgar. It's called:

"To _____ _____"

Thou wouldst be loved? -then let thy heart

From its present pathway part not!

Being everything which now thou art,

Be nothing which thou are not.

So, with the world, thy winning ways,

Thy truth, thy youth, thy beauty,

Shall be a daily theme of praise,

And love, no more than duty.

I bet this was one that he used as a sort of line to get women. Even horror authors need lines. Anyway, it's pretty good, I think.

Speaking of lines, I was watching (really, listening to) "Joe Versus the Volcano" today (partly because Tearese mentions it in her profile, so it makes me want to watch it), and .. Joe's line was, "Did I ever tell you that the first time I saw you, I felt like we had met before?" I probably shouldn't put quotes around it because I don't know if that was the actual quote. Anyway, is that romantic? Does this remind anyone of that really cheesy and doctrinally incorrect play? You know the one. What are all y'all's thoughts?

Valentine Greetings

Happy Valentines Day to all of my friends, past and present. Thanks for the good times.

A particular shout-out to boys/men in my life, even though some of you are probably married:

My first crush: I don't remember your name, but we had a good time at your birthday party. It was a shame that I moved later that day or the next day. I kept your gift to me as long as possible, but the weavels got to the beans in the bag, so I had to throw it out five years ago. Maybe it's a good thing that we were torn apart like that because I'm pretty sure your mom didn't approve of me. Remember how hot I looked in that colorful heart shirt and short shorts?

Second crush, Oliver: We met only a few days after my first crush and I were torn apart. You comforted me when I was crying because I was scared of the new place. Thanks. You are perfect in my memory.

Jon J: You gave me your old green eraser when you got a new one. That was nice. We had a lot of fun together, even though I got mad at you for mocking my artwork. They were puffed sleeves, I tell you!!!

John Paul: Catholic to the core, you always got me in trouble in school! The teacher told me that he always sat me next to you because I was the only girl who could stand to be around you. Where are you now? I am pretty sure you're not the pope. I was pretty ticked off that I had to go to the stocks just for sitting by you while you spouted jokes. Dirty, dirty jokes.

Bill & Cameron: I probably don't need to say more, but... Cameron, you were the only guy I ever got in trouble for sneaking over to your house. We also had fun times playing horse. Bill, my sister and I loved contradicting you, and you actually almost, almost got me interested in baseball. Ah, the fun times. I'm glad we can be updated yearly on each others' lives.

Mike, both of you: You made me laugh and got me to smile so much. The paperclip, the sweats, falling in the fire, our private jokes during play practice. Thanks.

Mark: Happy Valentine's Day! I'm so over you. You were a fleeting crush.

Howard: Hmmm... good times. Bad times, but mostly good times.

Mikhail: The answer was really 'yes,' but we were young and foolish.

Mud: You had a smile that could melt chocolate.

Wayne: The best getting-caught-in-the-rain moment of my life.

Tyler: You were in tune. Thanks for teaching me spades.

Jason: I still don't know... blah, blah, blah, blah.

Steve: I miss you.

Bryson: Still waiting...

Brian: Great conversationalist.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Briefly Unlocked

Is it a blue moon? I've been going around saying about how I am so hard-hearted and how I lost the key to my locked heart, but... I don't know what happened. I am in a sappy mood. I think it started on Sunday night. There's this guy I know that can just make the gals swoon. It's like, he opens his mouth, and dreamy things come out of it. It is truly a great thing to be around this person. Do I have a crush on him? Not usually, but when he starts talking, yes, in that moment. It's like he has this love potion effect with his words. I am not the only person who gets weak in the knees when he speaks.

And, this is not all. Well, that's all about him, but that's not all to my mood. Then, I was actually touched by a chick flick. And, it was a pretty darn cheesy chick flick. I don't usually like chick flicks (pay no attention to my second post when I was all weepy), but this one got to me.

And today, I have had this part from "Mansfield Park" running through my head:

I've loved you my whole life.

I know, Edmund.

No... I've loved you as a man loves a woman. As a hero loves a heroine. As I have never loved anyone.

Isn't that sweet? Isn't that just... heart-warming? And, I would like to say ditto to what my sister's roommate says: "If anyone, anywhere is hooking up, good for them."

But, alas, this momentary unlocking of my heart will probably pass before I finish this blog, and well... maybe the next time the stars are aligned correctly I will take advantage of it and at least flirt with some fine man. But, I just had to write, while I was still in the sappy mood so that I could have at least one blog where I seemed to have an iota of feeling in my heart.