Actors That I Generally Cannot Stand

I previously did a few posts about actors and actresses. I had a post where I told you who I thought was good-looking, one for actresses that I generally like, and one for actresses that I generally cannot stand. I've been meaning to get to this post for a while, so now you can thank your lucky stars, green clovers, and purple horseshoes that this post is finally here. And without further ado, here are the actors that I generally cannot stand. Special thanks to cash for listening to me whine about actors and reminding me of a long list of guys who definitely fit the mold for this post. I had oodles of names from which to choose.

Ben Affleck

Ben Affg... Affleck should be in a movie called "The Qualifier." He should play himself. This guy has an amazing ability to be in movies that are *good in spite of him. I mean, seriously, Ben is not a believeable actor. I watch movies with him playing a role, and I think to myself, "That is Ben Affleck. I know he's supposed to be someone else, but he's not. It's just Ben Affleck." And if someone asks me if the movie is good, I always have to say, "Yes, it was good in spite of Ben Affleck." Don't tell me you've never done that.

Leonardo DiCaprio

There is something about Leonardo that ... well, it weirds me out. It's like he's eternally the same age that he was in "Growing Pains." I don't know that he ever went through any kind of growing pain. He still is a teenager to me! Sure, he's only 34, which, yeah, is older than me, but he totally doesn't look it. I mean, he's getting close to being able to not play a teenager. He's putting on a little face weight, and the above hairdo is super-creepy-old-man, but wow, if I were ever in a social situation with him, I would have to not make eye contact and back away slowly because I would be weirded out. I do have to give him "Catch Me If You Can," though. I admit that I liked him in that.



Tom Cruise

It's a really good thing that I don't live in Telluride. If Tom and Katie were my neighbors, I would probably end up liking them, and then I'd feel guilty about really hating their acting and not being able to stand them on film. I actually wonder if it's the media's fault that I dislike Tom so much. I mean, I like a lot of movies that he's in, but I think it's the hype that really gets to me. I think to myself, "Self, what is the big deal about this guy? Sure, his stylists know how to dress the guy and give him makeup, but really, is he that great?" The answer is no. Take notes. There will be a test later.



Ashton Kutcher

I cannot go any farther before I ask you your opinion about the name "Ashton." Is it a real name? Is it a made up name? Is it a guy's name? Is it a girl's name? Could it be for either gender? Do you have a child with the name of Ashton? Okay, now onto the real story. I don't know who ever gave this guy his first job, but they had better repent in sackcloth and ashes (haha) for this one. It just irks me to no end that I am supposed to ever ... relate to this guy. At no time have I ever been happy that I was watching him in a movie or television show. He is just kind of there. I am bored just by thinking about it. Zzzzzzzzzz...



Michael Douglas

This guy is really talented. ...at making you think that he's slimy. He's totally a natural for a slimy guy. He could totally be type-cast. Ew. I am just grossed out by his sliminess. Even in "Romancing the Stone" or "Jewel of the Nile," yeah, he was slimy. I remember watching those movies and thinking that he was the antagonist the entire time. I wanted the girl to get away from him so much. I have a condition from my childhood from this guy. It is called MichaelDouglasIsSlimy-itis. I could seek help for this condition, or I could never see another movie with him in it. I'll choose the second option. Ew. Even "The American President." shudder



Matthew McConaughey

I can tell you how he landed his first role. I totally know that he flirted with the casting agent until they gave him the role. Sure, he's attractive, and he has some kind of accent (I still can't place it, entirely), but... whoa. I just don't know what he's doing on screen. I mean, it's got to be purely eye candy or something. I just don't get it. Surely he has been the same person in every part in every movie. Is that really acting? I suppose it could be, but... to be so restricted as to only be able to play one role? Come on. Work on your versatility, Matthew. And also, the accent sounds forced to me.



Will Farrell

He is not funny. Seriously. Not funny. I'm not laughing.



Bonus Creepy McCreeperton: Colin Farrell

Colin Farrell doesn't know how to not be creepy. In every role that he's ever been in, he has been creepy. I'm pretty sure that there was a movie where he kissed a girl, and it looked like he was eating her. That's really creepy. Don't eat people, Colin! Anyway, he is so creepy, that even slimy Michael Douglas is creeped out by him. He is so creepy that the eternal teenager, Leonardo DiCaprio won't make eye contact with him and backs away slowly. He is so creepy that even Will Farrell can't make any funny jokes about him. That, and the fact that Will Farrell is not funny.


*If anyone ever tries to tell you that "Jersey Girl" is good, don't believe them. It is, in fact, a lie. Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler... I don't know how I ever saw that.